Day 26

Day 26. Have you ever thought about giving up on life?

Yes, very briefly. There were some very dark thoughts and days in my life as I am sure that many others have known but there was always the thought of an uncle of mine in Tennessee.

He had millions, a very loving family, tons of friends from all stages of his life, a rewarding life lived, having survived Pearl Harbor, made his fortunes from 4 separate start up businesses that flourished and was well respected and loved.....but he was narrow of focus when it came to thinking about having to depend on others to take care of him in his later years and so he went to the cemetery to his daughters grave and shot himself. I always thought what he did as an incredibly selfish act perpetrated on the people who loved him.

It has always held my attention to the now and how precious life truly is. I'm sure he had his demons, but suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary dilemna. I can honestly say I embrace every day as a gift. Somedays come tied with a painful ribbon and others are wrapped in the wrong color paper but hey.......much better than the alternative.

Day 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 of Truth

Day 21. (Scenario)Your best friend is in a car accident and you had a fight a couple of hours before. What do you do?
I would rush to wherever my friend was and offer whatever help I could give. Doesn't everyone fight? If I have a friend they are my friend and stuck with me, no matter what silliness may happen between us. 

Day 22. Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
I wish I had I hadn't had my tubes tied after SM and I married. I would love to have had more children. More insanity, more grey hair, more grandkids, more noise, more love, more tears......yeah, more kids.

Day 23. Something you wish you had done in your life.
I wish I had kept up friendships with friends from school. It takes being a friend to have a friend and I got so busy with being wife, mommy and slave to the system that I just didn't make time for those people that were "friends" during school. I have friends but most are post early mommy days. It would be fun to see what and how they are doing.

Day 24. Make a play list to someone and explain why you chose those songs.
Every song I would put on the list would be because I like the singers/players. My music styles range from old foggie rock to new country to blues/jazz/soul to world music with lots of drums. I like to shake my old bootee.

25. The reason you believe you are still alive today.
Well it sure is not because I have taken good care of myself. It must be that I had/have something to get done in the time I have here and I am supposing I haven't done it yet.

I know I said I was going to wait until after the first of the year but I changed my mind. Hope you are all doing well. It's very cold and windy here. Todays shopping trip to get weekly necessities was brutal....but Shel and I rewarded ourselves with a coffee and a trip to the bookstore. Can't beat the bookstore.

The rant is back....so what else is new?

Either I'm telling the truth on a quiz or I'm telling you how I feel about life....whadda ya gonna do?

This is my this time of year statement.....I hate people who are Holiday Lemmings. How can grown humans be so consumed with getting things for their loved ones and be rude and out of control in the process? It's one of life's cocker spaniel moments.

Having had 5 cocker spaniels in my life, I know that those little beasties will cock their sweet eyed heads when they are questioning something that happens close to them. Huh? to the left, What? to the right. Cute behavior, right??? That is what I feel like when I am in public after Halloween. I just tilt my head one way or the other as I watch normal appearing humans behaving like starving beasts at the sight of a new kill.

Much like the entrance to the church at the end of our neighborhood....you can never even assume that after church, these folks will look, take turns or behave like they are civilized let alone kind people as they go out to face the week as "churched people". Yikes. I can't tell you how many times I have inched past the driveway hoping like hades that they will have listened inside to the wages of sin.............the sin of arrogance and neglect, the sin of "yep, did church now get the hell outta my way", the sin of "the world is watching sports fans".....behave nicely. Whatever.

But at the malls and shopping centers, and big box stores, well, what can you expect? No one preached anything except on TV where it says "you better get your kid this one thing or they won't have a Happy Christmas"....this they believe.

Which brings me to the crux of the rant......everytime I see a "Believe" sign at Christmas I am dumbfounded. Believe in what? The reason for the season according to some, the Santa Claus mystic, the retailers bottom line, or the BS you have been fed to think that one day all year needs to be perfect and always lets you down?

I don't want you to think I don't have wonderful holiday memories and happy thoughts. I do. I'm sure you do as well. I can and do share those times and remember them every year. I would never want to rain on anyone's holiday hopes and dreams. But where we have come to and where I wish we were are totally different places.

Love should be the basis of all celebrations. Hope should be the cornerstone of every gathering and support should be the essence of every gifting and honoring experience. My thoughts, my wishes, my core belief. So when I am asked to believe.....I do but my belief is based in love, light, magick and passion to achieve goodness.

My wish for you is love my friends. Happy Thanksgiving week.

Bowling for Turkeys

So Shelley and I went to the grocery store to get a months worth of stuff for our pantry and freezer. I hate to send her out for anything more than apples, bananas, bread, milk. You know the basics that a family runs out of. Besides we always have fun together, but not so much alone.

We were of course getting our goodies for Turkey day. Not that we are doing a very traditional menu What we are having is turkey and corn on the cob cooked on the grill, sweet pea and cheese casserole, sweet potato fries, corn bread dressings with bacon, cranberry and orange salad, Grandma Sue's pumpkin dessert, and chocolate/pecan pie bars. Pumpkin Ale for the adults and mulled apple cider for the kids. 

On to the turkeys. We don't have a whole lot of room in our freezer, yay for us, so we were looking for a 10-14 pound number. As we approached the freezer case, I saw two other people looking for just the right bird. I waited until there was only one person left looking before I approached, when out of nowhere swoops three other people who started pitching turkeys like they thought they were trying to make a spare. I don't know about you but having had an experience where a frozen lethal turkey was plopped down on my poor little fingers, I was a little leery to put my hand into the fray. Shelley on the other hand, decided we would be there all day if we didn't get one and check out. Wow, really?????? I said, I didn't mind if we had chicken instead but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo she could just get one and we would go.

Okay so after this crazed looking woman with really bad hair threw an 18-22 pound number towards Shelley which caused an avalanche of the others she had piled up that were not the winners of her perfect bird quest, Shelley yelped as one of the non winner met with her forearm. The bad haired woman never even skipped a beat in her quest for perfection. That's when I sauntered up to her (bad hair lady) and asked "can I help you find the bird of your dreams before you wound anyone else"? Not laughing or acknowledging anything she said. NO and kept on bowling for turkeys.

I'm telling you, the crazies are out there and then we can home and were glad of it. Put all of our goodies away included a cute little bird and celebrated another successful sortee into the world. Whew, dodged the bullet if not the turkey again.

Day 20

20. What are your views of drugs and alcohol.

This, like the last question is loosey goosey.

Do I drink and do drugs? do I condone or condemn the use of drugs and alcohol?

First, I live in a state that has the 4th highest rate of drunk driving deaths in the US. 33 years ago SM and I gave up both drinking a cocktail or beer if we went out. One of us is always the designated driver. If we are not going out, we rarely but occasionally have a glass of wine or a beer in the summer.

If marijuana was legal, I would smoke it, SM would not. Yes, I did inhale in college. My gateway must have not worked because I never did any other drugs. I had plenty of opportunity, I just made a choice not to.

Prescription drugs are crap. I don't like the feeling of being out of control and after major surgery refused to take the icky things once I got home. Pain and I deal with each other just fine and I don't have to puke. That's not to say that I don't think that pain meds aren't fandamtastic for those who need them, because they are. When you have certain conditions you need to get ahead of the pain in order to maintain some levels of control. My brother fought melanoma for 13 years and it metastasized to his lungs and brain. He had to have pain meds and he hated it but it was necessary.

I like 99% (that's an exaggeration but close) of the adult female over 50 population was on an Anti depressant. First one then another until I hit the big time and was prescribed Lexapro. I hated the way it made me feel, or should I say not feel anything. So I talked to my doctor and he said if I didn't like the meds to stop taking them. And so I did. Cold turkey. Do not, if you ever are on Lexapro, just stop cold turkey......it can really mess you up.

You are supposed to reduce your intake over at least a month's time. When I went back to the doctor and told him the horrible side effects I was having from going off the drug first he indicated that my symptoms were impossible and then he said, well why did you stop taking it? (And we wonder why I hate doctors. Listen much idiot???) I did some research then and found out my big mistake and read that this prescription drug is as addictive as heroin. Oh nice, did anyone tell me that before I started taking it? UMMMMMM I think the answer would be no. I had withdrawal so bad, Sweet Man really was ready not to come home anymore. It was horrible for both of us. I did manage not to kill anyone or maim myself or SM but I'm telling you, my opinion of drugs is don't take them until you find out if you can not take them later on.

And with this post, I have to put the other 10 truths on hold for awhile. I will bet back to them after the first of the year. I really feel like enough of my truth is way too much for me, I can't imagine how you are putting up with it. Thanks for hanging in this long.

Day 19

19. What is your opinion of religion.

This is a funny question....To me it's sorta like asking what is your opinion of spiders. I think they serve a useful purpose. I don't care for some but others are really interesting.

I watched a news report recently that said that people tend to attend church for the social aspect....duh? Everyone wants to be with like minded people and enjoy the fellowship. 

Humankind has always developed  belief systems for whatever reason, community, control, cohesion. And untold numbers of humans have been annihilated because they were of the wrong belief system.

What I truly would hope for all religions is tolerance but well...if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.

I have a funny about this very point (well funny to me anyway). When I worked for the New Mexico Conference of Churches as a youth coordinator, I had a person who was pitching "Character Counts" an ethics based curriculum for schools, meet with me. He wanted me to get the "church" community together and get them on board to back this program. I laughed in his face. What? You think that I can wiggle my nose and make all of these different denominations give full sanction to a "worldly" ethics curriculum? He was indignant and didn't seem to understand why I would think that was such a hard thing to do. OMG. 2 thousand years of one upmanship wasn't enough for him to get it. Wow, really? But then he was not a Christian or of any faith...............he was a progressive thinker...uh oh.

Now all these years away from the church and a lot of lovely and yet stranger than fiction people in my life, I understand the naivete that he came crippled with. Unless you steep yourself comparative religions, you can't begin to judge or guess what someone of another religion or faith will think of any particular subject......thus the non tolerance.....ignorance is crippling.

Day 18

18. Your views on gay marriage

I believe that love can and should be honored with ceremony. If two persons love each other and are committed to make their union honorable, then by all means it should be sanctioned by a marriage ceremony. It matters not to me whether those person are same sex or opposite sex.

But I don't think this is a question of the heart, I think this is a question at this time, of society attempting to govern the heart...once again it puts us in the arena of the politics and I've already answered that ugliness in a previous day's question.

My niece and her partner have been together now for over 25 years. It is terribly unfair that they do not have the spousal rights afforded opposite sex marriages. But be that as it may, they are committed, loving and blessed.

"With liberty and justice for all"...................

Day 17

17. A book that you've read that changed your view of something.

The Celestine Prophesy and the Tenth Insight. I re read them both once a year. It is interesting how my view of what I am reading has changed each time I pick up my old worn out copies.

I won't do a book review, or expound the virtues or shortcomings of the books and I hate to use the term mind altering (afterall I am a child of the flower power generation) but the information in the books changed how I view everything, everyone and all things seen and unseen.

Day 16

16. Something or someone you could definately live without.

This one is easy. I could definately live without the ugliness, we as Americans are subjected to ever single time someone runs for office.

I am so very tired of the bad mouthing, no class attitudes that candidates develop (or maybe they were that way all along) and how low they are willing to stoop to what......? Have us respect them after they have bad mouthed each other and won? I could live without politics, candidates and elections.

Definately...but then who would take all our money and be set for life while we still rub our pennies together and hope that our fortunes improve (as if) multiply. It's all so very sickening.

Day 15

15. Something or someone you couldn't live without.

In order not to repeat other answers I won't say my family.

So I will pick a something. And I must say I suppose I could live without it but.....having had to do without it even for short periods of time, I would have to answer electricity. When we have had outages I am like lost. I know we don't have electricity and yet I will still expect things to run the same. You know go to the light switch and try to turn on the lights. Expect that I can still do laundry, sew, iron......oh crap I need my kilowatts baby.

I am a modern age electric kinda girl.

Day 14

14. A hero that has let you down.

I wouldn't say that I have personal, know them up close heroes. I have had persons in my lifetime that I have admired but none of them have let me down.

The many I do consider to be honest to goodness, gold plated, card carrying heros are people who, I don't know their names or anything about them, other than they are protecting me and you as American citizens. And there is no person wearing the uniform of the United States that could ever let me down. I am proud of every single one of them for their courage and for their and their families sacrifice.

As Veteran's Day approaches I am reminded of the many who are no longer with us who also gave so much to their/our country. I am proud and humbled.

Day 13

13. A band or artist that got you through some tough times.

Oh now this is going way back to my college days. I broke up with a guy that I thought was "the one". He loved to listen to the Supremes....when we brokie up  I listened to "My Guy" until the grooves on the record were almost destroyed. What a meme that was. Also another song during that time...I don't remember the artist but the song was "Will you marry me Bill????". Play um, cried and then another cutie patootie came along and liked Steppenwolf and I forgot all about Bill, the Supremes and being meme.

Okay, you asked for it and now you've got it.....

Even though I have the head cold from hades, this is Sweet Man's day off and he wanted to drive. For as long as we have been married, he loves to take road trips. Short ones, long ones, some with destinations, some spur of the moment, but he really loves to drive. So that's what we did.

We traveled up North again. This time our destination was Arroyo Seco. This wonderful village established in 1806 was just off the Camino Real and was an enclave for the Hispanic families that lived there with the garrisoned troops until about 1825. So we drove from ABQ thru Santa Fe thru Espanola and up further north.

The trees, particularly the cottonwood's leaves were the same color as highway sign yellow/orange. Honest I swear. I have never seen them this vibrant. I think it must be that we had more rain than usual, we hit it on the perfect day and the trees were at their peak and the universe rewarded us with a fun and interesting ride.

Anyway through the years...the dreaded hippies moved into the area, tee hee and there was an actual commune established there. This village is located just north and west of Taos and is between Taos and Taos ski valley. Gorgeous pine forest and lush cottonwoods, aspens and other "I don't know trees". We actually were looking for property to buy. Didn't find anything in that area but......near Embudo which is down the road towards Santa Fe, we found a property. We'll see. The house is huge, the property backs up to the Rio Grande and some of the trees on the property are over 100 years old...............oh be still my heart.

But to the reason for the post. Here is that promised picture of my hair .

Day 12

12. Something you never get compliments on.

My housekeeping.

I have told you before that housework makes you ugly and with my looks I can't take any chances. But the fact of the matter is, I hate to clean. I like it when it is clean and tidy, but I hate doing it. So that's why it is a group activity here at Casa de Cuckoo. Many hands make a job go faster.

PS. We all went to bed early last night with the last plague brought home by the grands.....I promise a pix will be taken tonight and posted tomorrow. I know, I know.

Day 11

11. Something that people seem to compliment you the most on.

That would have to be my hair. I started going grey very early. I think I was about 25 when I got a cluster that was noticeable and by age 35 I was really salt and pepper. Now the salt has taken over and there are very few pepper strands left. But even before, when I was younger, I had comments and compliments on my hair.

I love to wear it long and that is another part of the comments. Old ladies and long hair....not a usual combo. My Grandmother used to say of her own white hair, "the creator liked her so much, he had added some extra whipped cream on top". To add to my supposed conceitedness, I love hair jewelry. Since I have long hair, I also love silver accents to show off my hair. I particularly like Native American Silver/turquoise pretties.

Day 10

10. Someone you need to let go or wish you did not know.

This is an easy one. With all the deception and hurt that has surrounded the knowing of my SIL, I do wish that he had never come into Shelley's life...................but if that were the case, I would not be the Oma to the most wonderful grands in the world.

Just another of life's double edge swords, yes?

Day 9

9. Someone you didn't want to let go but who drifted.

My niece Cindy. There is only 6 years between us in age and I do so miss her laugh and her company but circumstances being what they are, we have drifted apart as friends.

Day 8

8. Someone who has made your life hell or treated you badly.

Well since I do not believe in hell, I can honestly say that all pain is temporary and no one can make you feel badly unless you allow them to do so. That's not to say that I haven't had people in my life who have hurt me but unless it was happening right now....it's over. And I do have people in my life who I still have an earful owed to them and I intend to give them said earful someday, but.....they don't run that streetcar, I do.