My word for 2013.......

This word selected me back at Samhain.....acceptance. And then I had one doozie of a bout with my forever companion depression and let my lesson slip away from me momentarily.

Acceptance is not giving into what is inevitable. It is coming to terms with what has happened, not depending on what might happen and giving into what is happening. It does not have to do with my fighting my way out of or into any circumstance or situation. I must learn to accept what is.

I hate the saying of today...it is what it is. I don't know if I dislike it because it sounds like indifference, surrender or apathy or because I have been railing against the storm that has been my life colored by my past for so long, I don't know how to give myself over to anyone or anything without condition. I have for all of my life fought to not be taken advantage of, used, manipulated, coerced, made the fool, and yet.....I have made myself a slave to those very issues.

As I have aged...yes, there I have said the truth as it is, I have had to accept certain limitations of necessity. And most have not broken, bruised or bothered me. I have never been particularly vain in the area of persona but I have to accept that I am vain of spirit. I am not as old in my head as I am the rest of my body. But my body can no longer support the craziness I create in my head. So therefore, (I feel like this is one of those geometry equations) I must accept where I am and who I am and what I can do. And it is all about me. Full on, straight in the face, just you Linda.

So now we move on to the acceptance of situation. I must find a way to balance what has happened and let it go. I must make plans, set goals and accept that they need to be a little more realistically short term. I must take each moment and use it to the betterment of those around me secondarily to my own needs. And that really seems backasswards. Don't have all the time in the world to do it someday anymore. If I'm gonna do for me and find bliss, it better be now. So with that thought in mind I must speak the truth at all times, even if it is not what is most comfortable. I must be kind to those around me and not deceive them with niceties instead of truth.

We had a family "come to Jesus" meeting and have vowed that each of us will be in the moment honest. And I'm here to tell you it is not always easy. Not colored by the past mistakes, misunderstanding or misdeeds but spotlighted in loving truthfulness. We have already run into some uncomfortable situations but because we are trying to do it together instead of just one of us making an effort, we're doing pretty good. It is not all roses and unicorns by any stretch of the imagination but I need this. They deserve this.

I have accepted that time is ticking and I want not to waste one more moment hurt, upset or resentful. I want to send out into the universe the love I feel for others but haven't always felt in return and lovelies that is not possible unless it is refined to pure love. I needed to say this to myself and to the world. I want a clear path to follow, not one littered with mish mash of junk I've held onto in order to justify where and why I fall off of the path.

I've accepted that I must accept.....it is what it is....by my actions in the moment only. The truth may set you free....but not unless you accept it with your whole being. So here I go.....wish me luck, light a candle or just smile that I finally got it......anyone of those will be appreciated.

I have a riddle for you...

If I have a witch spot (dark, round blemish on the iris of my eye) in my left eye does that alone make me a witch?
And if all witches are presumed evil, does that make me evil?
And if I am evil, does it mean that I will perpetrate evil on others?
So I have a witch spot in my eye, does that mean I will act like all others with the same mark?
Can I expect that I will be lumped in with all the other's who happen to be born with this blemish in their eye?

Here is a facebook post from a local personality that gives a good explanation of why we have some extra fears, to add to the stockpile of many others, for our dear, sweet Ry.

Steve Stucker: Sensitivity Warning! A wonderful young boy who is Autistic, was visiting us. We turned off TV coverage of the tragedy in CT, when it became visibly clear that he was upset...about what had happened, and the fact that they are making a big deal that the Murderer reportedly had Asperger's (which many relate to a form of Autism). This great young kid struggles mightily to "Fit In" at school, in sports... & even at church. He is repeatedly mocked, picked on, left out and mistreated. The adults are sometimes as mean & exclusionary as the kids! I can only imagine the fear & dread he faces, for what is to come his way now! This is a great time to talk to our kids (of all ages) & examine ourselves, about the critical importance of kindness and caring, and of not stereotyping ANY group based on the actions of one person.

 

If you remember, Ry's first grade teacher thought he was the way he is because we are a "non traditional" family. She thought he was the devil. He spent his first grade year in hell.....at the hands of a woman who was not only ignorant about kids with autism but also ignorant about anyone who was not a Christian (and I do not blame Christians for that, it was her personally). All four of the kids in her class were treated badly. We fought for the entire year to have him removed from the classroom. And then at the close of the year found out she wasn't even a licensed teacher but a student teacher who was left unsupervised.

 

And prior to that, his kindergarten year was not much better because he was warehoused with a group of very affected children who couldn't even manage basic movement and could not speak or hear. Clearly that school had no clue as to his special needs.

 

Last year was his breakthrough year with the school system and he finally got the break he deserved in the form of a first year special education teacher who rocks and made up for K and 1st grade in the first half of the school year and went on to be at mid 2nd grade standards by the end of the 2nd grade.

 

But that might change not only because of the reassignment of Asperger's on the Autism spectrum by our school system and the fact that his wonderful teacher is pregnant and won't be there after holiday break but also the backlash because of the horrendous killings by a person who may or may not have been affected by Asperger's in Connecticut.

 

Ignorance is not wasted on the stupid......it is spread by word of mouth daily and I have heard so many people say such stupid things about children with Autism. Like why are we wasting money on classes for these dumbies? Or worse, there is nothing wrong with these kids that a good whipping wouldn't cure, they need discipline.  That is how his "abuse" at the hands of those ignorant people was justified....he needed a firm hand. And the most unfair, never trust anyone who can't make eye contact with you, it means that they are sneaky, underhanded and something is wrong with them.

 

To a child with Asperger's as well as others on the Autism spectrum, it is physically painful, in a way you and I cannot comprehend to have to make eye contact. It was hard not to say to Ry, "look at me, when I talk to you" when he first got here because that was a learned notion I had. He has taught me well, we still do not make eye contact. We've taught him to look at the spot between the eyes of the person speaking. They will think he is making eye contact and he doesn't have to be uncomfortable. Even still his speech therapist insists that he look at her....little does she know about our little secret tool.

 

But how many other children don't have "street sweepers" as parents and grandparents....the ones who clear a path to just getting down the road? And why would anyone have their child diagnosed and labeled if it only means that they will be compared to someone who caused such a crime against human kind or be considered, defective? I don't know how some "journalists" sleep at night with the harm they do in their desire to be the first to tell the public something else, and something else and so on and so on................blech.

 

We continue to educate Ry on our own. You need to know we do not rely on his education by the school system alone. That, my lovelies would be idiotic on our part. As Magaly pointed out the other day in her post there is "US in Trust"......and who else can you trust really. It all comes down to doing for ourselves and making the magic happen in our own lives.

I sorrow for every child who was wronged. Every child who will be ill treated because of being lumped in with others in a group because of a journalists zeal. But mostly I sorrow for the multitude of people who believe what is said on the news, as though is was the whole truth. But how do you sway people's opinions once something is planted in their minds?

For us, it is to continue to send positive energy into the universe, to allow the good to shine, to share our own experiences with many, to try to educate some and hope that they share common sense with others and so on. What else is there for us to do? Endeavor to persevere.
 

Blessings of the season, Happy New Years and hope for tomorrow, Oma Linda
 

Yula.....the wheel of the year

The wheel keeps turning whether we observe it or not.

That seems like an idiotic statement at first glance. It also seems almost anti-belief system if you are a witch of any degree, status or claim. I have been known to not observe a sabbath on the correct date....and sometimes with no outward change to my altar. I am not a slave to have to's, but you already knew that about my rule breaking self.

For years I went to church and really hoped that the story of the life, death and renewal of life would be somehow different either from delievered from the pulpit or from my own belief of the story. And it came to pass that in fact it did become different....and I was able to find the true meaning for myself. It allowed me to move away from the organized religion of my parents and onto the disorganization of my belief in nature, goodness, being responsible and being aware. Of course being a child of the 60's helped as well.

As a pagan, I have said that I would not put my belief system on my child or her children. And I still mean that, but it has gotten muddied in practice because it is who I am, it is what I do, it is how I celebrate the turning of the wheel. They live in my home, so that means, I either lock myself away to celebrate or I observe the sabbats, esbats and full moons in the open in full view of my beloveds. I chose the later. And because I am an educator by training and by nature, I also share my knowledge. That is how my grands relate to my being pagan.

I also have really strived to teach them about other religions that surround us and those that are dead and gone. Comparative religion is essential to being intelligent, fair and loving in a diverse world. It would be cruel of me to let my grands grow up not knowing why their friends have ashes on their foreheads at Lent, why their friends celebrate with a dreidel and have eight night celebrations, why Ramadan is so very important to a friend from Iran. And the wheel keeps turning.

We, together have learned so many wonderful facts, things I didn't know and I love that. I pray we continue to grow in knowledge and spirit. GK is great about bringing information home and sharing it at the dinner table from her social studies class and world geography class. BTW she is going to be in the city Geography Bee. We're so excited for her. Ry is so very interested in ritual of all kinds. He is right now fascinated by the Jewish wedding canopy and has constructed several of his own design. Goodness knows what it will be next, but I'm excited to find out what tickles his fancy.

Diversity. Can you tell we work to get there?

I have a strong sense that the apocalypse that the Mayans gave us with their end of age calendar was just that. The end of an age, a new beginning, a new view. We had the very best discussion of that subject at the Yule dinner table, and again at the yule log burning. Yes, we will observe Imbolc next but it won't be the same Imbolc is was last year. We choose to find new ways to connect with the world around us and the universe. I am very hopeful that while the wheel continues to turn, the places we arrive in thought, word and deed will be different and better for us and our world. A more positive spin if you will. The Gods willing, we will all be in a much better place with each new turn of the wheel.

Be well, be safe, be wise, be loved and be a human doing not a human being in the new time we have been given. From the Cuckoos at the Casa to you and yours, Blessings of this new beginning.

You just never know what is in the darkness.............

Last night as we were getting ready for bed, our electricity went out. It was quite a shock to be saying good night on my laptop to someone and my screen was the only illumination in the whole house. We all collectively sucked in the air at the same instant. It was strange.

Of course our first reaction was to know the why of our outage. We checked around us in the neighborhood to see if we were the only house affected. Nope, the neighborhood was quite dark. We called the power company, they had had no reports of the outage and suggested we check our breaker. Uhhhhhh, okay but the neighbors are dark too reported my daughter to the operator who was very curt and said the company would see to it. Okee Dokee. Errrrrr. Some people's children.

Then our next act was to find alternate illumination. I knew my pyromania would come in handy but SM fears leaving candles lit so I was so very happy to hand him a battery candle that we have on a timer on the hallway table. For months now it has given a soft glow to be able to navigate the hallway from 6 to 10 pm.  He is so funny. He said he thought all this time that it was a real one and was glad to know that I had forethought about such things...... Yeah, good save Joe.

The point of all this is that all the little electronic lights, clock faces, things we take for granted were dark. It was just beautiful. Total darkness.

For me: peace, tranquility. For SM: practicality....time for sleep. For Shelley: checking on her herd and nurturing them. For Ry: he was already asleep when it happened. For Gerea: "Oma did you forget to pay the light company?" "Yes, you silly", I responded but I knew where it came from. Funny on the outside but a bit of the terror of 3 years in SC when she couldn't be sure her world would be warm, nourishing or well lit because of her fathers neglect. 3 years away and yet it is her first inclination to revert to fear, blame.

In the darkness, just like the old saying goes, "you never know what lurks".

Our darkest times are the ones that are the formation of who we are...but they don't have to be who we will become. Just like the celebration of Yule, the coming back of the sun tomorrow at Solstice, we can celebrate the self control and will that lives inside each of us as a light and promise of change.

The remark has stayed with me this morning and I wish I could take that insecurity away so that GK wouldn't have to have that as her first response to a power outage but......then I would be taking away an essential part of who she is and what she needs to face her future and be who she will become. She is outwardly strong....yay. She is inwardly tender....yay. And she is just who she needs to be....yay.

So at this time of a change in the cosmos....when light defeats darkness again, I am grateful for another lesson handed to my family by way of the "power company" but coming from the universe. For me: humility and an answer. For SM: huh? For Shelley: an awakening to a reality. For Ry: a good night's sleep. And for GK: an assurance that Casa de Cuckoo is safe, warm and the lights are back on. No harm no foul.

Blessings of the Season, Oma Linda

A holiday story from my childhood...........

Most of my childhood summers were split between being in northern New Mexico at my grandfather's ranch and in west Tennessee with my cousins on the river. The two places are world's apart and so very different.

You see in NM I was the city cousin who didn't know anything about ranching and taking care of animals. In TN I was the country cousin who didn't know anything about how to participate in a proper tea or cotillion. Funny how perception is skewed by where you're from, in the eyes of others.

I always saw myself as slightly out of place, but at that age, I don't think I really cared. I ran as a wild child at both locations. Always the fun of being away from home and having adventures. I saw things on the ranch that have led me to be a much more animal loving human. I also saw things on the ranch that have given me a sense of pride in my heritage and culture. I saw things on the river that made me want to be nicer to folks (remember this was the 50's in the south) and take a different look at how I treated others. I also saw things on the river that makes me long to be back there as an adult. The slow beauty of the time spent fishing, watching the wildlife. I long for those toe swishing the water and daydreaming times.

But that was the summer and we're talking the winter holidays now. I never did see TN in the winter. We never went back to my Aunt's house during winter. But we did go to Las Vegas most Christmases. Either before or after the day depending on the snow fall. Back then it was not an easy trip to my grandparents house. We would travel and have to stop along the way sometimes for hours. That was back when Route 66 was how you would travel to get from ABQ to Las Vegas, NM.

this is very much like my grandparents home

On more than one occasion we got stuck in a snow storm and when we finally did get there, the warmth of the big Victorian house was so welcoming. All the windows would be iced over. Not from decorating but from the cold and the wooden windows not being very efficient. The glow of the house will forever be a wonderful childhood memory for me.

The best part was the mud porch because that's where my Aunt Katie had a huge bowl of snow cream kept. My Pepe was crazy for snow cream. And everyone loved to make him happy. Or as I found out later on, it was wise to keep my Pape happy.

At any rate, as soon as we had had our Christmas dinner of tamales, carne asada, roast pig, a huge salad of every veggie in the world and tortillas, we had the tray of sweets to pick from empanadas, biscochitos, mexican wedding cookies and flan. Aunt Katie, Mame and my aunts cooked for days and they kept most everything on the mud porch because it was cold out there. And they had a huge blue salt bowl (that's the finish) with this snow cream just waiting for the very end of the meal. My Pape would act very surprised and happy when they brought the bowl in and showed him. He would portion out the sweet, rich vanilla flavored, egg laden, fresh cream infused snow cream like it was from the heavens above.

I remember being 6 when I finally got to have a taste of his heaven cream. It was as good as he pronounced it to be. I suppose it was because it was made special by the mystery of it that it tasted so good. How could anyone take regular snow and make something so very special?

Through the years, my Mother tried to make snow cream. It was good but seemed to be lacking something. I think it was the fresh cream. You know the kind that comes off of the top of the milk bucket after you've spent all the time milking the cow. Or possibly the fresh eggs. Or maybe it was the blue salt bowl that kept the magic in the mixture. But more than anything I always believed it was the snow itself that made it taste so wonderful. You know the just right, fluffy, promise filled snows of times gone by.

Whatever the magic, it still holds onto a part of my heart and will forever be a part of my memories of childhood winter bliss.

The magic of crows........and love

I know that many of you know Stacy from MagicLoveCrow. What you may not know is how fond the Cuckoos are of Stacy. She has been such a loyal friend to the Cuckettes and Stacy and her Mom are some of my strongest cheerleaders and certainly members of my Sunshine committee.

There is not one piece of Stacy's artwork that I have not loved the minute I saw it. This baby crow gnome came to live here at Casa de Cuckoo and more particularly on the Gnome and Elf, Yule tree. This will forevermore remind me of crow love shared.

I have already related this story to Stacy and Mama Crow but thought I would share it with you as well. And my reason is because the pay it forward, just love each other and Nice Matters thought process that we ascribe to seems very apropos. Stopping to be grateful for the lessons as they are sent to us by the gods is something that the hurry up and get it done society we live in is missing. This time of year makes us all a little cuckoo if you will forgive the pun. We must, we have to, we gotta, are myths of the modern age. We need to stop and learn.

Ry has taught me more lessons than I can tell you. This is but one in the plethora and is but one of the many to come, I'm assured.

We have crows in the neighborhood right now. Lots of crows in the pecan tree of the neighbor just behind us. The birds spend most of the day carrying on conversations in the tree. It's like the local diner and they all come to chat. The noise gets pretty loud in the late afternoon.

 

Ry took our little dog outside to relieve herself, because she is chicken to go by herself now that Odin has crossed over the rainbow bridge. I think she is smart not wanting to go out and face the crows alone. The crows are peevish at times and are a little wild.

 

They get a pecan in their beak, fly over her and drop the nut. It is quite amusing to watch her hide under the playset fort because of the bombardment of pecan by those wiley black birds.

 

Ry stood out there calling up to the crows and telling them to shoo, when all of a sudden he came running back into the house wide eyed followed by Ellie Mae. They both were in a hurry. I asked him what was wrong. He said there was someone up in the tree with the crows. So I went outside to see what was going on. That's when I heard the voice saying, "get, shoo"......in crow. One of the crows was mimicking a human who has said, get, shoo, probably repeatedly. Poor Ry was shaken by the fact that they could mime the human voice.

 

It took a little while to get his game back on but he went out again and I went with him. Of course he went out and tried to teach the crows to say RyLeigh. Oh what a boy.

 

All he needed was a little time, encouragement and a push to face his fears. It's a lesson each of us need to take to heart. Life is like that. Sometimes ugly stupid things are going to happen. We, out of self preservation, are going to use our flight or fight muscles. Then we will need time to reflect on what has happened, how we can face that fear, problem or situation.....and then we must move on. Find a direction. I believe that is the lesson that the universe had for both Ry and me.

 

I thought about that lesson today as I watched the news media take a tragedy and play it over and over again wanting to be the first to tell us who the person was who perpetrated such a heinous act at the elementary school in Connecticut. They just seem to want to guess, embellish and embroider the facts before they even have them well in hand. Our reactions are obvious.....how, why?

But let us give ourselves the time to be informed in an intelligent way. Turn off the TV, let your heart be filled with love for the grieving families...make that your reaction. Not the politics, solutions, gruesome details. Keep your heart and the hearts of others around you free to face this day within your own reality. Light a candle for the victims and their families. Hug each other, know that ugly happens but it must not rule our existence and then in whatever way you can reach out to those affected in the best way possible, with positive energy.

 

And then please go teach the crows to say ......... love.

Yule decorations are up..............

I finally got my gnome/elf tree decorated and all the adjoining areas spiffied up as well. The one thing that my family can look forward to when I put up the fae tree is that it will be different every year. And the same is true of the dining table. Why do the same thing, when you can mix it up. And this year particularly, I've needed to shake it up a bit.

I love the riot of candles and naturals as well as the faux flowers and polka dots. Melding what Mother Nature has given us with what humankind has thought up.

I am addicted to white dots on red in every imaginable combination but when I found polka dot poinsettias, well, it was just too good, to pass up.

Only a little over a week until the Holly King and the Oak King have their sword fight and the winner is crowned. The baby sun will be coming up in the sky and bringing warmth and renewal with him. We always have a birthday cake with yellow frosting and orange candles to celebrate the beginning of the new circle of life. This year though, the grands have decided since they love making cupcakes, we will, in fact have cupcakes with the sunface on them to celebrate. I think their creative thinking is part of their legacy. Shake it up ya'll.

A new form of magick for me...........

I am going to share with you an experience I had a few months ago. The reason for my sharing is to chronicle the events as they have happened.

I was fortunate enough to participate in a soul clearing or sympathetic depossession as it is also called. A woman who I trust implicitly guided my journey and I came away from the session feeling lighter. The visualizations and work we did were very powerful, cleansing and left me with a sense of relief. I had at least two "squatters" that had taken advantage of my openness through my own flaws (medical, situational). These lost souls had taken up residence in me because their passing to the other side had not been completed. I was cautioned to safe guard myself because the "hole" left by their exiting might be a beacon for others to come and try to inhabit. I have been vigilant in doing so. I never want to feel like that again.

Now this may not be something that you can believe and I appreciate that. It may have you questioning me and my tenets (not tenants) and I can understand that as well. I ask only that you be open to reading the rest of the story.

After my experience, it was immediate to my family that I had gone through a change. And it was in fact a change for the better. I was not nearly as anxious, angry or ill tempered. I let things slide a lot more and began to see things differently. And life here at the Casa was much improved for all, cuz you know when Oma ain't happy, ain't no body happy.

Joe especially gained the most from my softer behaviors. So much so, that Joe decided that if I had relief from this experience, he too wanted to have the opportunity to see if this would help him. He came home from his session and said he had a very "interesting" experience and did in fact feel lighter, less stress and more open. I never asked him for details. I felt that it was his experience and I had no right to pry.

Now you are going to see who the half empty, half full partners are in our relationship. I doubted what he said. I know, shame on me. And then to add insult to injury, the woman who facilitated for both of us asks Joe if I made him come to the clearing. Nope wasn't me pushing. But I understood why she might think so based on my before persona. She didn't doubt the results, she didn't know how it have left me for sure. One never knows what the removal of an entity might lead to in someone's life.

As I said, it has been months since my soul clearing. I have had two bouts of depression since. Both have been doozies but this last one was the pits. And Joe has been wonderfully understanding for the first time in years. As a matter of fact our relationship has changed back to when we first married and settled into being partners. Easy, gentle, fun, cozy and comfortable. We appreciate each other more and more often. We see each other really, not out of the corner of our eyes.....full on.

My example, when we first got married we moved from Albuquerque to San Francisco. We drove. And as we drove along Joe offered to stop wherever I wanted him to stop to see whatever. Of course when push came to shove, we didn't. And for many of our 40 years together.....we haven't. But yesterday as we were taking one of Joe's famous "short cuts", which always end up an adventure of one kind or another, ie, wonderful vistas, unusual animal life, miles out of the way, getting lost etc., I said, I would love to have a sprig of mistletoe and a branch of pinon wood for the holidays to add to the naturals with which to decorate. Normally Joe would say, "well it would be dangerous to stop on the highway, or well we'll see". Yesterday, the man I married, who way back when promised we wouldn't lose each other in life stopped the car on the shoulder of the highway, showed up outta nowhere, walked across to the other side of the road, down an embankment and up a hill and back again carrying juniper, cedar and pinon branches for me. He even stopped in the middle of the highway and did cute little dance for me, shaking his tushy. What a nut. What a joy. And it was magick.

The magick I spoke of is one of believing. In yourself, the people around you and the possibilities that exist to the open minded. We have come a long way Sweet Man and I. Have been through so much and even with my depression coming in the middle of our lives, in a few short months because we allowed ourselves to be transformed, debugged, depossessed and returned to allowing ourselves to be flawed and open to our commitment, we have changed.

I have appointment to do another session because I know I have more work to be done. But at least now I know that there are more squatters that need to be moved on into the light. I also know my depression has nothing whatsoever to do with the process or results. It is a chemically induced set of circumstances my body produces....much to my chagrin. All of what has happened in our married life is because we allowed life to get in the way of living (as Joe said as of late). We also are open vulnerable people who through no fault of our own provided safe haven for souls trapped here in this plane. Soft and squishy, comfortable and caught by surprise I suppose. For whatever reason.....but no more. I went into the session knowing I was affected by something outside of my control. My moods and feelings were not just my own. I am so blessed to have been in the right place at the right time......thanks to the universe.

It isn't marriage counseling, it isn't a spa weekend, it isn't a change of lifestyle, it is belief in the magick of life applied, committed to, and worked on. I did not go into the specifics of the session but I will if you are interested.

I wrote this not for any other reason than to encourage each of you to find the best possible magick for yourself, we all deserve the very best. Be well and happy, Oma Linda