Sunday, December 30, 2012
My word for 2013.......
Acceptance is not giving into what is inevitable. It is coming to terms with what has happened, not depending on what might happen and giving into what is happening. It does not have to do with my fighting my way out of or into any circumstance or situation. I must learn to accept what is.
I hate the saying of today...it is what it is. I don't know if I dislike it because it sounds like indifference, surrender or apathy or because I have been railing against the storm that has been my life colored by my past for so long, I don't know how to give myself over to anyone or anything without condition. I have for all of my life fought to not be taken advantage of, used, manipulated, coerced, made the fool, and yet.....I have made myself a slave to those very issues.
As I have aged...yes, there I have said the truth as it is, I have had to accept certain limitations of necessity. And most have not broken, bruised or bothered me. I have never been particularly vain in the area of persona but I have to accept that I am vain of spirit. I am not as old in my head as I am the rest of my body. But my body can no longer support the craziness I create in my head. So therefore, (I feel like this is one of those geometry equations) I must accept where I am and who I am and what I can do. And it is all about me. Full on, straight in the face, just you Linda.
So now we move on to the acceptance of situation. I must find a way to balance what has happened and let it go. I must make plans, set goals and accept that they need to be a little more realistically short term. I must take each moment and use it to the betterment of those around me secondarily to my own needs. And that really seems backasswards. Don't have all the time in the world to do it someday anymore. If I'm gonna do for me and find bliss, it better be now. So with that thought in mind I must speak the truth at all times, even if it is not what is most comfortable. I must be kind to those around me and not deceive them with niceties instead of truth.
We had a family "come to Jesus" meeting and have vowed that each of us will be in the moment honest. And I'm here to tell you it is not always easy. Not colored by the past mistakes, misunderstanding or misdeeds but spotlighted in loving truthfulness. We have already run into some uncomfortable situations but because we are trying to do it together instead of just one of us making an effort, we're doing pretty good. It is not all roses and unicorns by any stretch of the imagination but I need this. They deserve this.
I have accepted that time is ticking and I want not to waste one more moment hurt, upset or resentful. I want to send out into the universe the love I feel for others but haven't always felt in return and lovelies that is not possible unless it is refined to pure love. I needed to say this to myself and to the world. I want a clear path to follow, not one littered with mish mash of junk I've held onto in order to justify where and why I fall off of the path.