a question and answer forum.....for the time being. All things change and become something else if there is growth even Olde Baggs.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

I have a riddle for you...

If I have a witch spot (dark, round blemish on the iris of my eye) in my left eye does that alone make me a witch?
And if all witches are presumed evil, does that make me evil?
And if I am evil, does it mean that I will perpetrate evil on others?
So I have a witch spot in my eye, does that mean I will act like all others with the same mark?
Can I expect that I will be lumped in with all the other's who happen to be born with this blemish in their eye?
Here is a facebook post from a local personality that gives a good explanation of why we have some extra fears, to add to the stockpile of many others, for our dear, sweet Ry.

Steve Stucker: Sensitivity Warning! A wonderful young boy who is Autistic, was visiting us. We turned off TV coverage of the tragedy in CT, when it became visibly clear that he was upset...about what had happened, and the fact that they are making a big deal that the Murderer reportedly had Asperger's (which many relate to a form of Autism). This great young kid struggles mightily to "Fit In" at school, in sports... & even at church. He is repeatedly mocked, picked on, left out and mistreated. The adults are sometimes as mean & exclusionary as the kids! I can only imagine the fear & dread he faces, for what is to come his way now! This is a great time to talk to our kids (of all ages) & examine ourselves, about the critical importance of kindness and caring, and of not stereotyping ANY group based on the actions of one person.
If you remember, Ry's first grade teacher thought he was the way he is because we are a "non traditional" family. She thought he was the devil. He spent his first grade year in hell.....at the hands of a woman who was not only ignorant about kids with autism but also ignorant about anyone who was not a Christian (and I do not blame Christians for that, it was her personally). All four of the kids in her class were treated badly. We fought for the entire year to have him removed from the classroom. And then at the close of the year found out she wasn't even a licensed teacher but a student teacher who was left unsupervised.
And prior to that, his kindergarten year was not much better because he was warehoused with a group of very affected children who couldn't even manage basic movement and could not speak or hear. Clearly that school had no clue as to his special needs.
Last year was his breakthrough year with the school system and he finally got the break he deserved in the form of a first year special education teacher who rocks and made up for K and 1st grade in the first half of the school year and went on to be at mid 2nd grade standards by the end of the 2nd grade.
But that might change not only because of the reassignment of Asperger's on the Autism spectrum by our school system and the fact that his wonderful teacher is pregnant and won't be there after holiday break but also the backlash because of the horrendous killings by a person who may or may not have been affected by Asperger's in Connecticut.
Ignorance is not wasted on the stupid......it is spread by word of mouth daily and I have heard so many people say such stupid things about children with Autism. Like why are we wasting money on classes for these dumbies? Or worse, there is nothing wrong with these kids that a good whipping wouldn't cure, they need discipline.  That is how his "abuse" at the hands of those ignorant people was justified....he needed a firm hand. And the most unfair, never trust anyone who can't make eye contact with you, it means that they are sneaky, underhanded and something is wrong with them.
To a child with Asperger's as well as others on the Autism spectrum, it is physically painful, in a way you and I cannot comprehend to have to make eye contact. It was hard not to say to Ry, "look at me, when I talk to you" when he first got here because that was a learned notion I had. He has taught me well, we still do not make eye contact. We've taught him to look at the spot between the eyes of the person speaking. They will think he is making eye contact and he doesn't have to be uncomfortable. Even still his speech therapist insists that he look at her....little does she know about our little secret tool.
But how many other children don't have "street sweepers" as parents and grandparents....the ones who clear a path to just getting down the road? And why would anyone have their child diagnosed and labeled if it only means that they will be compared to someone who caused such a crime against human kind or be considered, defective? I don't know how some "journalists" sleep at night with the harm they do in their desire to be the first to tell the public something else, and something else and so on and so on................blech.
We continue to educate Ry on our own. You need to know we do not rely on his education by the school system alone. That, my lovelies would be idiotic on our part. As Magaly pointed out the other day in her post there is "US in Trust"......and who else can you trust really. It all comes down to doing for ourselves and making the magic happen in our own lives.

I sorrow for every child who was wronged. Every child who will be ill treated because of being lumped in with others in a group because of a journalists zeal. But mostly I sorrow for the multitude of people who believe what is said on the news, as though is was the whole truth. But how do you sway people's opinions once something is planted in their minds?

For us, it is to continue to send positive energy into the universe, to allow the good to shine, to share our own experiences with many, to try to educate some and hope that they share common sense with others and so on. What else is there for us to do? Endeavor to persevere.
Blessings of the season, Happy New Years and hope for tomorrow, Oma Linda


  1. I love how well you word things Linda! As an Auntie to 2 nephews with asperger's I was so upset as soon as they brought that up and of course i thought of Ry as well.
    I think you are so blessed to have your grands with you and them as well.
    Love and blessings,

  2. I have indeed heard various voices throwing out Asperger's as a reason and I know it's ludicrous. I would expect that there are enough intelligent folks around to come to that same conclusion. I would hope, anyway. But there are bigots everywhere.. and people who want to come to conclusions about why things happen. I feel for you and for your Ry. I hope he doesn't encounter further damaging attitude and that you can help counter balance whatever might come his way.

    Happy New Year to you and yours, Linda.

  3. Something else needs to be planted in people's minds-- the truth. Even though the truth grows more slowly than a lie the truth has deeper roots.

  4. I think stupid bl*gger ate my comment. As usual.

    My thought was that you are doing a great service by simply blogging about everyday life with a special needs child. One always assumes that schools hire only the best and brightest and that in this day and age people are more enlightened but you show us that it just ain't so and more needs to be done.

    Your word certainly won't get out as quickly and as widely as what the media's can and does, but you are making the effort and that is vital.

    Wishing you and all of the Cuckoos the very best and happiest of a new year.

  5. I think what's even worse is that journalists don't even realise the longer term implications of what they report - I was reading the other day about a woman who had been 'fighting Muslims and Hindus since 911 because of what they did' in justification for pushing one poor guy under a train just last week! Really? Argh! So not only do you have media induce paranoia and prejudices, you don't even understand who did what, but you're holding onto those insanities over 11 years later to inflict over and over again.

    Climbing down off my high horse *ahem* Hope Ry gets a good replacement teacher, or, alternatively, have you considered babysitting? ;o)

  6. I know that you have been making such forward strides with Ry...It has been wonderful...So sorry that this tragedy has affected your family so personally...With your help, Ry will grow up and be just like the rest of us...just making our way through life...

  7. My sweet little Grandson #2 is a 'typical' bubbly, active, talkative (Gods have mercy, can this child talk...from the moment he walks up, he's off on a story)boy. But he doesn't like to make eye contact. So I will try out your trick of looking between the eyes :)

  8. Ry is so lucky to have you. My cousin has Asperger's (we think). He's 62 and living alone for the first time in his life since his mother died last year. He was never diagnosed after a consult with a psychologist when he was in kindergarten. they refused to believe that there was anything wrong with him and never faced the issue. He is very functional as long as nothing changes in his life, surroundings, and routine. He has a job and his church looks after him. But he is very vulnerable.

  9. Well put, my friend. You know you're preaching to the choir to me. Unfortunately, Ian was born a bit too early before Apsperger's was even a thought, but I'm still his champion.

    Loves ya,

  10. Any time we judge a person based on such things as race or beliefs or social standing or IQ or education or medical condition or age or any defining thing there may be about the person we are taking away that person's individuality. I'm truly sick of the way the news is reported. What ever happened to checking the facts before reporting something? Let's face the fact that there are a whole lot of people out there who aren't smart enough to see the truth of things and will go along with the crowd without every thinking for themselves. I pray that Ry does not suffer from the stupidity of those who have no mind of their own. Let's hope the people who come into contact with him see him for the beautiful soul that he is. S&S

  11. Things like this make me angry. So angry that I can barely set my words in a way that makes sense. I hate few things, and stereotypes is right at the top of the least. Grouping is stupid and damaging. I will write about this soon. I've been reading a book that is very well-written, so well that I was pursing my lips the entire time because the things the characters said--characters I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to like--made me want to choke them every time I read a few paragraphs.

  12. There is still so much fear out there that is running rampant and unchecked. It is wonderful that you and your family have never given up on Ry esp when he's been challenged the most. Your writing about it will touch someone in a way you may not expect it to. Keep telling your truth and loving that sweet special little boy like you all are doing. My hats off to you!

  13. You said everything perfectly Oma Linda! I will keep sending positive energy into the universe too! And, for those people who don't listen, I am going to hit them on the head! Stupid people! You tell Ry we love him and we are proud of him ;o)

  14. When I heard that the "reason" the shooter did what he did was that perhaps he had Asperger's I was so upset. How do they make that leap? How do they connect the two? My son and I have been on the receiving end of being picked on, beat up, ostracized and belittled and we have never once lifted a hand to anyone. What makes me feel horribly sad is that people can lump everyone into neat little files and on those files is labeled these awful titles and within those files is written information that has been misunderstood, is totally wrong and have no basis in reality or true life experience. I read something once. It takes the average person 4 times to read something before it comes fact in their minds. There are so many negative things in the press about Autism that, if this is statistic is true, most everyone who reads the paper or listens to news broadcasts or goes online for information, would think awful things about anyone on the spectrum. It's so sad. It's so unfounded and it's so not true. Misinformation abounds out there and it is what sells. It is also part of what separates and labels and puts people into sub-categories that devalues people into something other than human. It's a horrible wrong.

    Now they are trying to demand an autopsy of the shooter to find out if he had Neurological Lyme Disease and went into a Lyme Rage. From what I'm reading that is something new they have added to the mix. The problem with the media is that all this crap gets leaked out to the public before any real facts come in and all these horrible prejudices and rumors start up in full swing but fed to people as truth and, well, there you go, people make up their minds and don't bother to get to know more.

    It's really sad. And it's horrible what Ry went through during his first years of school. I can remember what it was like for me and I remember what it was like when I was watching my son go through it too. It just breaks my heart that there is that much ignorance and cruelty out there. I hope that we see this all change over the next year.

    I'm going on and on. Sorry. I'm not sure what to say and I get very upset by these things. I wish there was enough magic within those of us who care and love to be able to change the world for the better for these children.

  15. I have never known too much about Aspergers till a sweet young man, who lived down around the corner, killed himself. He was 16. I knew he was different in some way because he was always by himself and didn't seem to have many friends. But when I would pass by, walking our dogs, he was always so very cheerful and friendly. I was so shocked when he was found dead and then I was very mad. I heard he was bullied at school and in our neighborhood as well. Life is so hard, no matter what your circumstance. I do not know anyone who is "Normal". We ALL have quirks and problems- Good Lord!!! I always wonder why we can never "Live and let Live". I agree with what others here have said, You, dear Oma, are making a huge difference with your Blog Posts. I cannot tell you how much you have educated me! Thank-you! You educate me and I try to educate and so we pass it along.


You are always welcome to comment on my thoughts and I love them all......