a question and answer forum.....for the time being. All things change and become something else if there is growth even Olde Baggs.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Yes, I am back at home here at Ye Olde Crones Gazette..............

The diversion from posting here has been long enough that I feel like I can honestly come back with fresh thoughts.

I want to ask you and the universe questions. I want to share thoughts, fears, hopes and truths here. I hope you won't mind. I hope you will participate. I hope you will give me insight into how you feel, or think, or what you would do in some situations.

I am here. I hope you will be too.

This is something I have been pondering.

Do you think it is possible for someone to be born with resentment in their emotional makeup? Or is it a feeling that comes from surroundings not genes, you know that old nature vs. nurture cache? Is it possible for someone to get rid of resentment and replace it with a positive feeling? Is resentment just jealousy or envy?

I am truly looking for insights and hope that you will share your thoughts.

This Olde Crone, Oma

17 comments:

  1. In a nutshell, based on personal family experience I would say 1. Surroundings and circumstance, not genes. 2. Possible to rise above/get over the resentment/jealousy? Indeed, although it might take decades. One or both or all have to grow. And I believe resentment can indeed be jealousy (say, in the case of siblings) but perhaps hurt instead of jealousy when the resentment is based towards an adult/parent figure. But oh my, when you finally let all the crap go...what a glorious feeling.

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    1. SM and I had a long discussion on one of our Sunday drives and came to the same conclusion as you. But resentment/jealousy/envy are so closely woven that it is hard sometimes to separate them. Great comment. Thanks Linda

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  2. That's a difficult one...so much involved...when we ask the questions Are we born with feelings? Do we learn them?, the answer seems to be that resentment is in us at birth. We learn to control it as it doesn't seem to serve any purpose. But yet???

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    1. I agree Judy that learning to control it is the only answer but......it's like the forgive but not forgotten thing. Let go of the resentment but if the action is carried out time after time, it does present a whole different outcome. Thanks Judy

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  3. Good question! My dad totally and utterly resents his eldest brother, and expects me to feel the same way (I know he has his reasons BTW) I can't, on the other hand, feel anything like that for someone that has not actually done anything to me, and to be fair it's not that he's done anything particularly awful to my dad either, he's a vicar for crying out loud!

    The older my dad gets, the more he behaves like his parents, and their behaviour towards others was more than a little undesirable at times, which included what I suspect was quite a lot of resentment and jealousy towards others. It totally freaks me out, and my mum knows that, so I'm sure she'd let me know if she thought it was creeping out in me!

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    1. I kinda know what you are talking about and it is one reason I asked the question to begin with. My Dad resented lots of people, my Mother was envious of lots of people and so I suppose I learned from them it was a behavior that was common. Unfortunately, they were the object of my resentments. Sort of turned back on them, I suppose.
      I see it in my grands in the form of sibling rivalry, but they are as thick as thieves as well.....so it sort of balances itself out in them. I am just fascinated with resentments. Why we have them. How we rise above them. And better yet how we get over them. Thanks Katy. I hope you continue to be able to keep a handle on keeping it at bay.

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  4. Great question. At first, I'd say that it's experience, but there are some people that seem to have resentment in their DNA. So I think it's a mix - I think that some people are more delicate, easily hurt and so they are prone to resentment simply because they cannot let anything go - the emotional injuries hurt more, some permanent, etc. They collect resentments, each one validating the other and eating away whatever hope the person has until there's nothing left but bitterness.

    And then there are those that have every reason to be resentful of a particular incident or person. This I feel is healthy resentment - a survival tool, and keeps us from making the same mistake twice. Resentment keeps us away from proven bad situations and people.

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    1. I had never broken it down into more than one subheading.....but I get that. Thanks for the wisdom and insight, Aine.

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  5. I don't think anyone is born feeling resentful. I think this comes later, especially if it's nurtured by others.

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    1. That's exactly what I used to think too. Then I worked with teenagers and thought it was a totally learned thing but as of late I am seeing so many more resentful children and thus the query. Thanks Stephen

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  6. I want you to know I've read this and not ignoring it, but I'm thinking over your questions before I answer them. I don't think there is a totally easy answer here and wanted time to think it through for a day or two. Bright blessings, Bird

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    1. I'm like you. I would rather ponder than jump on something. Take whatever time you want. I appreciate you even giving it your time, Ms. Bird.

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  7. What a great question. I don't know that resentment in particular, is built in to us, but I believe the pre-disposition towards a certain attitude can be passed down in the gene pool. Say, a family has been depressed and therefore angry for years and years... I believe that given enough time over enough generations, the makeup of one's brain and therefore the genetics they pass down can actually be altered by a learned line of thinking.

    Take for instance, myself. My own family, on both sides, is prone to anger and depression. Despite both of my parents keeping their tempers and depression very well under control while I was growing up, myself and my siblings, nonetheless, developed the same issues. As an adult, speaking with my extended family and elders has revealed that these are common traits in our family, even amongst those who didn't grow up around each other.

    So, in short, I believe it's a mix. Things can be passed down through DNA but they can be altered with attitude and training and eventually, with a lot of work on the people doing the pro-creatings parts, be altered permanently.

    There've actually been a few studies done on this, I read them while I was studying psychology. Really fascinating stuff!

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    1. The Cuckoos all exhibit similar "general" attitudes but the grands hold some things very differently than the adults. No finger pointing but they come from a 50% different gene pool and that particular branch are all prone to patheticism and being resentful. Could be learned but I think it came with the package. Danni," being altered permanently" would be so kewl especially if we could but wave a wand. Takes lots of work huh.

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  8. I should probably read all the comments but I don't have time if I want to catch up on all the blog posts. so here's my 2¢...yes, I think we can be born with certain attitudes. these are carry overs from past lives and may indicate an area that needs work in this life. yes, I think we can change those things, that's the work that needs to be done. I used to believe in nurture over nature until I had kids. kids are born who they are. You can help shape them, guide them, influence them but they are born with their innate nature.

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  9. Hey Young Lady ;o) Sorry I am late, but I am here ;o) Great questions! I love what you are doing to this blog!
    First question, I do believe in the cycle of birth. We die and are born again. I feel some of the things from our past life do come along with us, but that being said, I feel our surroundings have a lot to do with what we feel.
    Yes, I feel it is very possible for someone to get rid of resentment and fill it with positive feelings. I have came a long way with my father and my older brother. Everyday, I surround them with a white light and say a blessing for them, even though I might not understand why they do things. I hate feeling hatred towards anyone! When I do, I feel, I am acting like them and I don't want that!
    Jealousy and envy I feel are totally different from resentment. Jealously and envy to me, are like, that girl has full thick hair, I wish I had that. Do you know what I mean? Many of times I have felt that way, and this past year, I have really tried to work on not feeling that way. I have been blessed with so many things and I am proud with the way I look ;o) I am a sexy Crow Goddess and no one looks like me! I love that ;o) LOL!
    Big Hugs ;o)

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  10. Hi Oma Linda, I don't think resentment is something your born with. I think you can have a predisposition for the negative but I also think that situations do help shape a person. That said, it is also how the person navigates those situations that will also help to shape them.

    So... if that person who is feeling the resentment is not speaking up for him or herself at times when he or she feels wronged by someone or some situation, that would definitely cause resentment. Some people feel like people should magically know how they want to be treated and feel slighted when treated in a way they find upsetting but then don't say anything about it. That can come out as passive aggression or something like that.
    And being discriminated against or treated poorly for whatever reason could cause resentment as well.

    But people can feel resentment about things that are true slights. Not being recognized for their abilities or appreciated in some way, being ignored or bullied or hurt intentionally or unintentionally. Whenever made to feel less than others that can build resentment toward a person, persons or situation.

    I suppose brain chemistry can play into this as well. If a person tends to be depressed, agitated or something of that nature, they may be prone to feel more resentment toward others around them. I suppose it could also be born out of jealousy and envy as well.

    I also believe that when someone feel resentment, if it is not taken care of or resolved, then it can grow and grow and it can be easier to feel more resentment toward the person that person already feels resentment for. In other words, more situations or events involving the person or persons involved with the person who feels resentment could make that person who does feel the resentment feel even more resentment for different reasons. My goodness, that was a long winded poorly constructed sentence.

    It's too bad that resentment tends to come from not being able to stick up for one's self or not feeling as if one has the power or voice to speak up for them-self. I think it comes from a general feeling of victimhood in some way. That's my opinion, of course.

    I think if someone wants to change it they can change it, depending on the level of the resentment and if there has been some attempt to acknowledge it and work it out. If that is impossible, then it is totally up to the person experiencing it to change their own mindset about it so that they can find peace. I think it is possible to change it to the positive, but I think it takes work and sometimes it takes a heck of a lot of it.

    I don't know if this was helpful or not or just plain ole confusing. ;-)

    Brightest blessings to you my friend, Bird

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You are always welcome to comment on my thoughts and I love them all......