We sat in the dark, did you?

Okay, so we observed Earth Hour last night.

This old hippy woman thought that is was past time that the grands started taking part in the peaceful protest portion of life. Or join with the do gooders part. Or lets join because we know it is right part. However you want to think of it is okey dokey with me. We have done smaller events, locally and this worldwide black out of electricity for one hour seemed like a no brainer and something that was attainable for us.

On one level it was spot on a teaching moment shared by three generations sitting in candlelight talking about things like our first camping trips, when Papa and I were younger and I was a hippy and he was an uptight suit type that folks mistook for a narc, but I digress.

For four out of the five of us, we enjoyed the atmosphere of candle light and story telling and shared time. For one of us terror. Abject terror.

I put a mantle clock on the hearth with two candles in front of it so that we could see the time pass. We all noted that at first time went slower. Folks back in the day of no electricity went to bed earlier, shared more in each others lives, passed down family legacy stories etc. But for modern day kids with programs to watch and things to be done in the dark this was a hard beginning. And then we all notcied the terror on Ry's face.

He was frightened that something was wrong or impending. When we focused on him, we found out that he was expecting a tornado or terrible storm because that is what he knew of darkness and candles. We also knew of times when, they as a family, didn't have electricity because of non payment of bills and the emotional tension of those times was a terrible memory for him (both of them really). If you have bad experiences in the candle lit dark, then it holds no romance or purpose other than to be unsettled.

You know even the best laid plans here at Casa de Cuckoo are tainted by the history of financial, physical and emotional abuse of the days of whine, excuses and lies in SC. I grow so weary of not being able to just live life with these kids and not have to think of all the possible negative angles that may make our adventures painful and tainted with ugly colors of the past.

So we had some smiles last night (especially when Papa told the kids that what we were doing was a game that Oma liked to play, see why we thought he was a narc? tee hee) and tried to let Ry see that the dark here is safe and warm and calm. And we did our part in helping with a cause of planetary proportions.

Now if I could just let go of this hate filled heart that beats in my chest. The one that wants nothing good for another group of humans people who injured, abused and misused both sweet, innocent children and left them troubled and wounded all in the name of self gratification and ego. I do try but I'm not sure but that I am losing myself in the hate.