a question and answer forum.....for the time being. All things change and become something else if there is growth even Olde Baggs.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Guilt, the old frontier

First, let me take time to thank each of you for setting me straight. I post here to have that happen. If I didn't want some input on my insanity, I would just simply write it in my journal and call it good.

Yes, I will in fact be going with GereaKaye to her counselor and "we" will face the truth that I have stored in my memory of her abuse at the hands of my father. I will be who I have to and need to be so that she can be all she can be. Wow, that sounded like a commercial for the Army.

Today's guilt.

Maybe I use the word guilt in the wrong way on occasion. I only know that if you put me in a room with say...oh 20 other people and something was to go wrong.....I would be one of the one's who had a twinge of "maybe it is my fault" going on. And probably the only one who would claim responsibility for the wrong. Not asking for a psychological assessment here just telling how I am.

On my other blog I talked about my guilt necklace. I had a counselor one time who wanted me to visualize my "wrongs" and put them on a necklace and then throw the thing away. Okay.....but somehow in my warpness of spirit, I keep finding the damn thing at the thrift store and bringing it home again. Each bead is some stupid, ugly thing that, yes, I should throw away. My husband tells me that I am so creative that I make the beads in the shape of a boomerang and that's why they come back to me. Nah....there are even more sinister reasons...... and I found out why today.

I was reading along this morning in blogotropolis and came across a profound posting on positive and negative posts. The gist, as I got it, was that folks who post about the "bad" stuff want to call attention to themselves and wallow in the negative. Maybe, but the "good" folks who are above posting about said negatives just wanna have fun. No that really isn't fair, it said that we should all try to be positive....DUH, ya think. Let's work it out people. 

I bought it. I started feeling guilty about dumping my stuff on all of you. Rethinking how I should have kept the "crap ugly" to myself. How this post was directed at me and others like me who belly ache about shit. Sharing my feelings with SM, he started to impart wisdom to me when he was interrupted by the 9 year old dali lama of Chama who said, "Oh Oma, you're a nice person, don't take it personal, people are always trying to act like they are better than other people. It happens all the time at my school."

Oh hell no, common sense has arrived at my house and it dwells in GK.



  1. Real life has its ups and downs...and I believe that is true for blogging also. Who can be upbeat and positive everyday? I know I can't. When my hubby lost his job, there is no way I could have been joking and happy. I also feel that blogging offers us an opportunity to express ourselves, our feelings, what we are going through. Myself, I really have no one to talk to about things...and blogging has become an outlet.

  2. I'm with you Mary. I have found a way of getting stuff out online where I have a limited exposure to that venue in the "real world". I am constantly fending off my real feelings and just putting my head down and keeping on keeping on, but blogging, I have the ability to visit with and gleen information and pleasure from others and share some of my burdens and help others do the same and know that that is what matters most. Thanks for your kindness and your comments. I do appreciate you.

  3. I think you are very brave to post about the ugly things. Sometimes I would love to open up and let it all out. ( Unfortunetley my Mother reads my blog and a lot of it would be about her, so I can't.) Telling about your abuse will hopefully help you to heal. I know there are many who have suffered thru this same thing, In my family as well, luckily not me unless I have supressed it as well. We need to get things out or they will fester and consume us. I have blogs that I enjoy that are always sunshine and roses, but I also want to read blogs like yours and hopefully in some small way be able to offer alittle peace.
    Take care,
    Tracy M.

  4. GK's response made me chuckle and smile. The girl has a point.

    As for that blog post, for lack of a more mature way to put if... pfffffffft! Who has a truly perfect life where nothing goes wrong and they are happy and positive all the time? And seriously, who would want that? The good and the bad in life helps to shape us into individuals, to give us strength, to help us be where we need to be. As much as the dark stuff hurts, life needs it to balance out the light. Blogging is a great outlet to ground yourself and get things out in the open where you are forced to deal with them. Don't feel bad about being strong enough to put yourself out there.

    Personally, I dislike the blogs that are always chipper and only post about the pretty things in life. It feels forced and veiled to me and I'd rather get to know the whole someone and not just the happy half of them.

  5. Don't worry about it is the right advice, if someone doesn't like it or want to read it they don't have to, plain and simple. You are doing this for you anyway and we just may be helped along with you and that can't be so bad.

  6. There's nothing wrong with doing a "soul dump." You can't keep all that sh**t inside for long...it will fester, then metastasize into something awful, so dump away!!!

    As you can see, there's lots of people who love you and care about what's going on in your life...hey girl, we want you around for a long time..we love your sense of humour, the way you paint with words, your family stories, you wit and wisdom.

    Don't let those fish heads float up, hon, blast them out of the water. Will call you sometime within the next couple of days...still trying get over Monday's fiasco..LOL!! Hang in there, luv.

    Love ya, B&G,

  7. Hi Linda, Thank you for your lovely comments, I thought it was my time to visit. I loved your post, if someone is positive all the time, they are bsing. Anyway you have a new follower, reading your profile, in some ways was like reading mine. movie, music, interests,,,a lot in common. I am glad you found me. Take care.

  8. Hola neighbor fellow New Mexican! Just stopping by to say hi. Nice blog.


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