I have shared my "ugly" abuse with you and you all have been more than kind to me. It has helped me to face it but I must tell you that it has also come with another tentacle. I envision this past event like an octopus sort of creature.
After really looking at "our", Shelley, the kids, and me, episodes, it is apparent that we need to address this with the children's counselors. Not something I look forward to doing but a necessary thing for them. If it will help them get on down the road to recovery and wholeness I am all for it. And yes you do sense a but.
I am wondering and worrying about my wholeness. I don't think I have integrated all of my "ugly" especially in view of the children's problems. I have had some really strong reactions to stressful situations. Some have been way out of proportion to the incidents and now I am being asked to go to the kids sessions. I am frightened.
I will do it. Right now, I don't know if I can do it. There is a saying, if wishes we horses then beggars would ride. I wish I could take it all away from the kids and I know that my going and participating in their sessions could very well do that, but I am scared. Of what I am not sure. Oh yes, I am sure I know....pain. Real gut wrenching awareness pain. It makes me sound so shallow and petty thinking of me but I am.
So once again, there is the truth...I don't like it but there it is. I am scared of having to face my past again through helping the kids deal with there own personal pain. Yikes, what a coward.
Do any of you have suggestion for protection or preparedness for this thing that has to be done? If so, I would so appreciate it. I am in a fog right now with this hanging over me. I do know that venting through blogging has given me insights I didn't have before so I am open for whatever suggestions you may have as well.