I realize that I will never have an answer to the question I am about to pose but in the spirit of getting all the "ugly" out of my system, I must.
Why, if the "older" females in my family had been molested by my father, did they not try to save the younger females from the same fate?
My Mother must not have believed my sister's claim when she voiced her complaint to Mother. My Sis kept her own daughter, six years my junior, away from him. I'm not seeking any kind of pity party attendance here, I am just pondering. In my case, I repressed my memories or at least that's what my counselors have told me.
I've told you that I had my awakening after my Mother died so there was no asking her. But I did ask my Sis. Said she'd get back to me on that and it's been 5 years now, so I guess that I'm not getting an answer there either. The one thing my Sis did say was that she hadn't wanted to get on Mother's wrong side so that's why she never talked with Mother about her own abuse at his hands other than the initial complaint.
I have made every excuse I can think of for them, all of them, my parents, siblings, relatives, neighbors, friends of my parents. I have been so angry and betrayed and abandoned but that's crap. It boils down to this. I couldn't handle the abuse any other way than to cram it down inside of me as a child but the others were awake, in attendance, living and looking and chose to do nothing (for whatever lame ass excuse).
Today, at this moment, I choose to never forgive them for what they didn't do but I do forgive myself for accepting guilt over all this for all these years. This damn ugly fear/guilt weighs 100 extra pounds of body weight, has taken the best years of my life and happiness and I will not let "it" have any other sacrifices in order to appease this pain. I am at this moment free from "it" forever.