The male roll model image as I see it...............

As I have mentioned a time or 400, my own father (notice no capitalization) was a mean, self centered, hate filled, lying, abusive male. So when I tell you I have a hard time calling upon a non skewed view of the male roll model image from my childhood, you will understand.

I bring this up today obviously because it is in fact Father's Day.

My view of men was slanted because of the abuse I endured at my father's choosing. So I grew up looking for love in all the wrong places. I thought I was terrible, tarnished and awful. I threw myself at men and then wondered why I was mistreated by them. I had so many failed relationships as a very young woman including but not limited to my daughter's father. I felt like used goods and had little or no respect for me or men in general.

It didn't help that my mother was anti male. Growing up, I can't remember one nice thing said about my dad, not that I blame her. Her own father was an alcoholic and she married at 17 as you would expect to a man very much like her father. Abused woman usually do.

And when I found out about my mother's past, instead of having a "I coulda had a V8 moment", I looked down on her and didn't even see the correlation in our lives. What a marooooooooon I was.

Then after making the most wonderful, incredible, mistake of my life, marrying a good man and not realizing it until years later, I had that aha moment. This man was not like the others. He loved me warts, temper tantrums, low self esteem, self loathing and all. And never once has tried to fix me.

Although to be perfectly honest....I wished to hell he could.

This all brings me to my relationship with the duality of Gods and Goddesses. I have no problem finding a female deity with which to align myself. But I have wavered in years past with the male deity. That is until sun and moon came to me in a dream and allowed me to see, like my view of my mother, I was cutting myself off from the understanding of "all" of my life. These last 10 years have been much easier and I have learned so much about myself because of my working with both God and Goddess.

I also think having the grands, female first, then male has led me to a more in depth relationship with humans as well.

I am still "crusty" and very Aries but letting myself learn to trust has been the true healing of my broken child. And I have to thank my partner in crime and love, Sweet Man, for letting me come to my own knowledge in my own time even about him. He is a cereal box good guy. He should be on the Wheaties box of life......he is the breakfast of champions in my book. Happy Father's day, man of mine.

You can lead an olde broad to knowledge but you cannot make her change until she feels it for herself.