a question and answer forum.....for the time being. All things change and become something else if there is growth even Olde Baggs.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Getting your knees knocked out from under you.....

I am going to rant a bit so if you aren't up to one just change the channel to the Cartoon Network, I wish I could.

When good things happen to the ones you love it is easy to share that with the world. When bad things happen to the ones you love it isn't quite as easy to divulge the ugly. But when the same old shit keeps happening to the ones you love.............there's blogger.

Shelley works so very hard. I have learned by watching my lovely daughter, to give my admiration to all waitresses because damn ya'll, it's hard work. She comes home burned, tired, done in and taken advantage of almost every day. She makes good tips because she works at her job and is friendly (even if she is becoming a people hater), a good employee in that she always goes in and does her shift and covers for others who don't. Yes, she could do what she has been trained for but the hours that the restaurant job affords her what she requires the most......time with her kids. The grands are her world. She is the bestest mom ever. Always is there for them. But her happy is wearing thin.

Her divorce was final awhile back and for that I am grateful....but with the butt munch she was married to "the hits just keep on coming". He wouldn't cooperate with any of the divorce or child custody hearings always had some excuse or another for not cooperating. And couldn't just pay his child support on his own and so now is having his wages garnished by the state of NM. He has been ordered to purchase health insurance for the kids. This now means that Shelley is going to have to change doctors, therapists (if they even pay for them or the $600.00/month of medication for Ry) and pay deductibles. Okay that's the real world, I get that, but why.............why couldn't butt munch just for once in his self involved, ego centric life think of his children? Because, because............ it just isn't something he is capable of doing.

And now he is feeling sorry for himself and wants to talk to the grands and keeps leaving his hallmark pathetic text messages. They, however after all this time, don't want a thing in the world to do with him. They will not even refer to him as anything except by his first name or sperm donor. No one here ever said a word to either of them one way or the other. That is because we are abiding by the divorce decree. They just came to this crossroad after they let him know about what his father had done to them and he said they were lying. Can you blame them? I sure can't. This from a man who couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it. And so his whining has ensued. I don't know how Shelley puts up with all of it.

On the other side of the coin. She is stronger, more determined, braver, stands with her head tall and leans into the wind instead of letting it blow her down. She knows what matters, acts upon it and woe to the object in her way. She is still soft and squishy on the inside and the best kid wrangler this side of the Pecos. And goes out of her way after we set our plates correctly on the family table with each other (worked out our differences), to be the best buddy ever to me. I respect this woman and value her as daughter, friend and cohort in all crimes of the heart (or junk store).

My baby girl will be celebrating her birthday in February and is taking her kids on an extended weekend jaunt to adventure. They, like so many children with "super moms" with capes of Mrs. Brady green, turquoise and purple (aren't they all that color combo?), will have memories of a loving, caring, crazy fun Mom who valued them to the moon and back again.

I just wished I could make it easier for her. So instead, I will just love her as the goddess she is.

I love you my brave, strong, beautiful girl.


  1. Been there... The kids finally grow up (mine are in their late 30's) anyway, they grow up and they know the truth. They remember everything. They know how hard I worked. They remember the little vacations I gave them. They remember me taking cupcakes to school...they remember everything! I never downed their father...but they know and remember. She will be fine! None of his "whoa is me" worked. She'll be fine... Just love her...

  2. She might have had some bad luck but she also has a great mom and this is a very big plus in life. I hope her ex will be more caring in the future, for his own good as well as the kids.

  3. With you on her side, your daughter can handle anything. But I do hope her future holds a certain someone for her, someone to lean on when the time comes.

  4. If you ever need a shovel party for butt munch let me know ;o)

  5. I really hope you can embrace how much you are helping and doing for her and I know she knows it. Your grands are your life and Shelley and they are all so lucky to have an Oma to care for them so jobs and money and bills can be paid. They are so blessed by The Goddess to have a stable healthy loving home. I wish asshat wasn't an asshat but unfortunately we can't change other people. It must be insanely hard for you guys to have to even communicate with him on any level. You are both strong loving women raising beautiful healthy children. Hugs.

  6. Linda, Shelley has you for a mom and that helps balance the scales. As for the butt munch let's hope there is something to carma because he should get what he has coming to him. That goes for Shelley too. She deserves some good to come to her for all of the good that's inside. Give her a big hug and smooch and wish her a happy birthday for me. I admire her and wish her only the best. S&S

  7. It is difficult to let life happen when someone we love is being squeezed by Fate's mean hands. But she is strong, and so are you, and thank goodness the kids are as strong as life has allow them to be... so I'm hoping for the best.

    Rant away...

  8. There is no answer or excuse for this so called father but in time she will be victorious. I know God has a plan for her and the little ones. She is strong...valued ...loved and will make a life for herself and the children. I will keep you all in my prayers...stay away from toxic people. YOU are so loved for your strength! Peace be with you, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

  9. Oh honey, where do I even begin? There is so much said, so much understood. For the past 2 years I have adored, admired, laughed, cried, celebrated, and my heart has bled for the generations of your family, as well as mine, that have endured the inexcusable behaviors of people like butt munch. But you know what I've realized? There is not a person alive who could tear down Oma or her own. I say to hell with all of them and their narcissistic pity parties. We are here for you honey, and we hold those grands and their mother in our hearts forever and always. Love to you all, Mina

  10. Mina could not have said anything better.....I believe butt munch will continue to dissapoint. once a butt munch always a butt munch. I hope things do become easier for your daughter, you know just the stress of his b.s. is enough. I am glad you are all together and there for one another. That way you all will be okay. My sisters ex, (a doctor has refused to pay for his son now that he is 18, although the agreement was to provide for an education for the kids.. You have no idea how much this guy makes and she had to fight year after year and finally went through maintenance as well. And her butt munch wanted to see the kids after nine years, had them go through councelling and then he never showed up.....it is insane....I am sending you a big hug dear friend. I think I will forever have the phrase butt munch in my head....I keep learning all these new sayings from you. hugs.

  11. You are a good mom, Oma Linda and Shelley has became the woman she has, because of you! I am sending you all lots of love and big hugs! Sperm donor will get a kick in the ass! I believe in Miss Karma ;o)


You are always welcome to comment on my thoughts and I love them all......