Alrighty then..........how 'bout you?
How's things? How's tricks? How ya doin'?
I am fabulous going on obnoxious, thanks for askin'. And quite frankly it scares the bean juice right out of me. Not so you would notice (haha) I ride on a roller coaster of emotion, mood, impulse, mania, whatever you want to label it. And right now, I'm good to go.
I have; autumn being here, the rain having washed away my blues, a new "old" book I am reading and being the black dog or watch beetle to someone else's life to thank for the upswing in my feelings.
All these years of suffering from depression has left me with an arsenal of excuses and reasons why I suffer so. It also has armed me for battling windmills, bogies and things that go bump in the night. If you don't have depression then Halledamnlujah for you and I mean that sincerely. I am always thrilled to meet someone who is level without medication. Actually shocked would be more like it but happy for them not the less. I gave up on medication about 5 years ago and have ridden the up and down train ever since with frequent stops at the "out of the way" (time outs) stations so that I could handle life and not be arrested for murder.
All of this is really coming to a point, I promise. And here it is.........I do understand that these ups and downs are lessons for this Olde Bagg. I have learned some really hard ones about myself but until recently, I always beat myself up for not being able to "correct" my own behavior to suit the world, the society, people on the edges of my life. And let's face it, you know I am a crusty old broad with character flaws like every one else. I can honestly and whole heartedly say, I know I will ride a downward train again because that is the nature of the beast, but I will not belittle myself in the process. I have new crazy mad skills, new ways of viewing the world and better equipment to hold fast on the tow rope.
But I just needed to let you know......right now I'm okay. How 'bout you?
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I love this girl. I just went on medication about a year ago and I have to say I will probably stay on it for the rest of my life. I was out of control, and I'm not being dramatic. Like 10 minutes away from the loo loo bin.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you're happy.
Oh, I hear you. I have a lot of chronic illnesses and since then, the depression set in. It's not constant, but it does come on and make things so bleak and difficult, even more difficult than they are normally for me. I also have Asperger's and for some reason Asperger's, depression and anxiety seem to go hand in hand. I cannot take any medications as I am allergic to all, yup, all antidepressants. I have been learning to be much more loving to myself and much more accepting, as well. Thankfully I've always had this very hopeful spark inside of me and tend to find the good in every single day, usually in the very little things. A visit from a chipmunk, the sound of my son laughing, the purr of my kitties, and special people like you, Online.
ReplyDeleteI am happy that you are having a better turn right now. I hope that it doesn't scare you too horribly. And I think it's wonderful that you're to that point where you feel like you do not have to change yourself or gauge yourself according to the standards of others. I understand this very well, too. I can stand out like a sore thumb at times being an Aspie and all. :-) But that's okay. Being normal is just a lack of courage. (Wasn't it Aunt Frances that said that in PM?) Let's be courageous! Let's be ourselves.
;-)
Brightest blessings to you,
Bird
Wow, can I have some of what you're having please??? :)
ReplyDeletej/k well... sorta. I think it's the fall weather. It's been gorgeous here. Since I'm non-medicated & probably should be LOL I'm like you - I ride the up and down train too. When I was younger I was a bit blunt & to the point, then I mellowed & kept my mouth shut so as not to hurt feelings, but I'm finding as I get older I'm less apt to reign myself in again. Funny how things get back full circle ain't it? :)
By the way, what brand of patchouli was it that you were using with your neighbor's cigars? My chain smoking neighbors are killing me and at this point I'm about to do the reversal of what you did and start smoking (or at least lighting up) a cigar out there - maybe that'll make 'em shut their garage door whilst they puff away.
Well I'm unmedicated, and to the best of my knowledge don't have depression. I did nearly strangle 3 people at work this week, but honestly, they would have deserved it ;o) Off-shoring seems designed to torture us for three times as long as a regular torturous on-shore project too - *sigh*
ReplyDeleteStill, I'm off to Skye for a week with a bunch of mates and my camera, so damnit, I will have fun!
It is wonderful that you appeciate your good mood. I know how you feel. Sometimes i get scared i will feel again as i used to, think as i used to and act as i used to(i had an eating disorder). Butnow i mostly enjoy the sunlight, the fall breeze, the smell of the dump soil and let life be.
ReplyDeleteI feel good...Yeah...Life's a b**ch and then you die...but that's okay cause you'll learn something from this life and take it to the next life...Yeah!! I feel good!!
ReplyDeleteHi there.....I'm wonderful.....thanks for asking. I've been on anti-depressents most of my life and HAVE NO intention of ever getting off them. Works for me but not for everyone. (O:(O:
ReplyDeletexo
Jo
Well I'm doing pretty good.....I am definitely medicated and unfortunately I won't ever not be medicated....my roller coaster ride was too much to handle.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post! Yeah that roller coaster ride can be scary to anyone that's not on it. But I find that for me now it's much easier to ride it when I remember that what goes down must come up...in my world anyway. And in my world, it's all that matters, right? heehee
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written, my sweet Oma Linda. I have always had depression as well and have never been able to get off the medication. Hell, I still get depressed while on the meds so going off is a big NOOOOOO. Anyway, I used to beat myself up all the time over the very same thing and call my sister who would tell me to embrace myself in every aspect for it all is just the beauty of me. I always liked that.
ReplyDeleteI've been teetering up and down over the past month as the weather changes has been activating the lupus and fibro, bringing on a list of symptons. Nauseaus, pain, exhaustion, low concentration abilities, a chronic cold. It's hard for a girl to keep running at 100% with a smile at a time like this. But I'm sure you know what I am talking about.
I am so happy you are good right now and I sincerely hope you stay high on that ladder, my sweet friend.