Putting one foot in front of the other and not falling over has been.....ummmm difficult at best. I am still in the throws of an episode of the evil dr porkchop of depression. One moment I'm fine and the next I am crying or screaming. That is a statement I started to type two days ago, before I asked for help.
Now today, I am still depressed and still am wobbly but much more in tune with the now. I'm still not up for a game of mental tag or let's go fight a dragon but with the help of some powerful magick, positive thoughts, good loving friends, I am focused outward not inward. I know from my past episodes that I am in the midst not on the outside edge of this mess.
I hate this beast. I am appalled that I can't as a grown woman just get on down the road when this happens. But as so many of you know, it just has to run it course and that is the name of that tune. Migraines with auras, fibro assault, joint dysfunction, light sensitivity, noise aversion and the ever present lethargy.
Joe told the grands today when he took them to summer recreation program that when Shelley was little I was a crazy fun person always causing trouble for the citizenry but that pain has taken that from me. Ry wanted to know why I was grumpy. Joe told him that I wasn't grumpy just not able to get around the pain long enough to be happy and fun.
Gerea is old enough to understand that I don't want to be this way. Ry is still trying to figure out how the cuckoo woman he enjoys messing with is playing hide and seek with him but not in a fun way. I take advantage of the good times to do important things like enjoying their company and making special moments with them. Because with this ugly beast, one day I'm here, the next.....not so much. Then Ry told Joe that maybe if I found the right doctor he could give me some happiness pills. Ones that would make my pain go away. Can you tell he is a child of this era?
I love my husband for trying to explain all this because he is a wise old ass er man....he said he'd talk to me and see if I would give in and go to the Dr. and see if I could get some non pain somethings. My dears......if only. I need a roadmap to find one. Anyone got a map?