So what do I mean?
Well, for over a year now I have been an observer of someone else's outward manifestations of several different types of abuse. I have been reading all I can get my eyes on whether online or in book form about PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I now know, from my readings, that PTSD is manifested differently in almost every instance. I posted before that everyone in my household has been abused. Not all of us in the same way. And most people think that abuse is only sexual or physical but that is a misnomer. Abuse comes in many forms. Mary on I am Woman http://iamwoman-mxtodis123.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-is-cycle-of-abuse.html has an ongoing blog about the different kinds of abuse. If you are interested, I would recommend that you go to her blog and do some investigation. Also another place to go and learn about the issues of and survivability of abuse is Chicks with Scars http://www.chickswithscars.com/2010/12/why-i-didnt-get-looney-tunes.html?
I am the one researching PTSD because I see my daughter and grands and see that they are "shell shocked" as it used to be referred to. Each of them has a different way of showing their pain. An environment that is aberrant, whether war, kidnapping, controlled abuse, programming or abandonment all produce a form of PTSD. So the phrase "hell on earth" is apropos.
And the abuse for all three of my sweet ones is ongoing. Each of them relives their abuse and are in therapy to help cope, handle, manage and work their way through. It is hard work for each of them. But the fact of the matter is that they are making an effort to be better. Were it, that they could be left to their work without the catalyst rearing "its" ugly head. Whether they are exposed to the abuser or to a catalyst that triggers is immaterial, they are suffering from the encounters.
So now is my question to you. The profession of undying love and need to be apart of the "family" preceeds every encounter. But if you knew you were the catalyst and had been told and been made aware that you are the one who is causing harm and hurt to the precious ones you profess to love, would you continue to insist that you deserve to talk to them? Even if you knew you were the one who made things worse? Yes, if you are the abuser, because you "need, want, deserve, have the right to". Hold on lovelies...this is a real life human being. Walking, talking and breathing and even from very far away is harming and continuing to hurt the ones I love.
Honestly, I have really contemplated this question.....would I, if I knew I was being harmful to someone, would I continue to hurt, harm, offend, harrass or weasel my way into their lives to continue the pain? I can answer that question without any hestitation. No.