a question and answer forum.....for the time being. All things change and become something else if there is growth even Olde Baggs.

Monday, December 6, 2010

What is abuse?

So what do I mean?

Well, for over a year now I have been an observer of someone else's outward manifestations of several different types of abuse. I have been reading all I can get my eyes on whether online or in book form about PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I now know, from my readings, that PTSD is manifested differently in almost every instance. I posted before that everyone in my household has been abused. Not all of us in the same way. And most people think that abuse is only sexual or physical but that is a misnomer. Abuse comes in many forms. Mary on I am Woman http://iamwoman-mxtodis123.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-is-cycle-of-abuse.html has an ongoing blog about the different kinds of abuse. If you are interested, I would recommend that you go to her blog and do some investigation. Also another place to go and learn about the issues of and survivability of abuse is Chicks with Scars http://www.chickswithscars.com/2010/12/why-i-didnt-get-looney-tunes.html?

I am the one researching PTSD because I see my daughter and grands and see that they are "shell shocked" as it used to be referred to. Each of them has a different way of showing their pain. An environment that is aberrant, whether war, kidnapping, controlled abuse, programming or abandonment all produce a form of PTSD. So the phrase "hell on earth" is apropos.

And the abuse for all three of my sweet ones is ongoing. Each of them relives their abuse and are in therapy to help cope, handle, manage and work their way through. It is hard work for each of them. But the fact of the matter is that they are making an effort to be better. Were it, that they could be left to their work without the catalyst rearing "its" ugly head. Whether they are exposed to the abuser or to a catalyst that triggers is immaterial, they are suffering from the encounters.

So now is my question to you. The profession of undying love and need to be apart of the "family" preceeds every encounter. But if you knew you were the catalyst and had been told and been made aware that you are the one who is causing harm and hurt to the precious ones you profess to love, would you continue to insist that you deserve to talk to them? Even if you knew you were the one who made things worse? Yes, if you are the abuser, because you "need, want, deserve, have the right to". Hold on lovelies...this is a real life human being. Walking, talking and breathing and even from very far away is harming and continuing to hurt the ones I love.

Honestly, I have really contemplated this question.....would I, if I knew I was being harmful to someone, would I continue to hurt, harm, offend, harrass or weasel my way into their lives to continue the pain? I can answer that question without any hestitation. No.


  1. No. No I would not. Because love is putting the well being of those whom you feel it for before you own wants and needs. It's not about what you think you deserve or what you perceive as your rights.

    I can tell you right now, though I know it's not something I need to worry my head about, that if I were causing my love distress I would walk away. It would be extremely difficult and it would hurt unlike anything I can imagine, but I would do it for him.

  2. There's something wrong with a world that allows this to happen when the pain can be stopped. What is wrong with our society?

  3. As a psychic, I will not comment on this particular post. I think I've used my sister as an example before on your blog. For some reason, I think she is an appropriate person to talk about. She had drug-seeking behavior and took my nieces into the doctors constantly when they were little, complaining of sore throats to get codeine-based cough medicines. My mother blamed all the issues on my sister's husband because he had a bad reputation when she married him, but the fact was, it was my sister's drug-seeking behavior that was messing up the kids and causing a lot of drama. She liked constantly and blamed others so she could be the "good" and "right" one. My mother believed her because she didn't want to deal with her own part in all the drama my sister had, all the screwed up things that happened during our upbringing. So, my brother-in-law was the fall guy. I hated to see that, but my mom's view of the world was so distorted that should someone come in and see it, they would believe her when she was telling a lie she needed to believe. I can see where you're going with your post. I wish you much luck and enlightenment.

  4. Of course I would stop, but then I've never been in that situation. I see what my ex son-in-law is doing to my grandsons, the older 3, and how he is so quick to blame my daughter for poisoning them against him...never taking any blame for the fact his sons don't want to be with him. For him, it's that ego, that "machismo" crap! I've heard stories...oh Lord, have I heard stories!

  5. I would say no but I haven't been in that position before. It is unfortunate, but the abuser's fear of rejection and need for control generally will override any common sense. They don't see things the same way we do so doing the right thing is far off of their radar.

  6. People who are abusive are damaged and do not rationalize as we do. They actually fabricate some twisted justification for their abusive behavior - people like that scare the tar out of me and I try to avoid them at all costs! I know it's not always that easy, especially as a child and sadly, a lot of abused children become abusers themselves...

  7. No, you would not...neither would I...unfortunately, many put their needs above others...It's everywhere...just as types of abuse are everywhere...it seems to be self perpetuating...be on the watch and avoid when possible...


You are always welcome to comment on my thoughts and I love them all......