I just had some additional thoughts to share on the letter writing.
I have written letters to people who have ravaged my heart, my body and my head. I used to be more confrontational (hard to believe I know) and went to the person and said my piece. But, upon entering a different mind set, I realized that nothing I said to or about the perpetrator would have an effect on them but would rather keep it ever present for me and I would have to deal with the guilt of the ugly scene. And so with the writing it down, I let go of some of the feelings.
Anger is a double edged sword, it cuts both ways. But for me, the feelings after the confrontation were as debilitating as the event itself so I have learned to systematically address my grievances on paper rather than in person. Most all of these "feeling letters" have been torn up or burned or put back to ponder with my head not my heart.
That's not to say that there aren't some deserving candidates of my wrath still on the waiting list. Persons who have done something to someone I love will someday dread my foot falls.......and be the targets of my ire.
But in the mean time I have literally written off most everyone in my life who brought harm to me. The power I feel from being in control of my head and mouth is a real kick. Oh, I can be tripped up on some stupid, rude, mindless event but I am talking about the life altering events. I am in control of me. I have let "them" have it with the almighty pen and I am satisfied that I have reached an ending.
I won't ever be able to forget but I don't think that I should. And forgiveness isn't even an option that I will consider except for myself and my feelings of guilt when there never needed to be those feelings. I wasted alot of time trying to be and feel like others thought I should and now know it is all up to me. Everything, without exception, that has occurred in my life makes me who I am, a lover of good hearted people, a defender of those who can't and a friend to many who want kinship and understanding.
So many of you shared your "writing it down's". Thanks for your generosity in sharing part of yourself. Writing it down whether in a journal or a grocery list, or a pristine page (which is pretty scary at times) is a super tool to relieve some of your feelings.
I hope each of you will be well and have a super weekend.