This has quite possibly been the hardest week of my life. Now there's a statement. And for some of you, you're wondering why I compartmentalize my rantings to three blogs. Well on OBnSS, I am me but cleaned up for the most part. On PM, it is my selling related blog and on this one.......let er rip.
I started this blog with the hope I could vent and record my progress with my living situation, my relationship with my daughter and her children, my medical limitations and my angry little girls heart from my past lifetime abuses. Looking back I should have gone to another provider for this because it has become impossible to be truly real on this blog because of my daughter's life overlapping my own space. It isn't her fault and she is not the one who has made it uncomfortable. And most of you know the spoiler is. So I have decided after yesterdays adventures (you can read about that on OBnSS (look on the bottom of this blog for the address) I will no longer be silent on that subject.
Getting ready for this garage sale, selling things I did not have room for, selling over bought because I could not find things in this cramped environment, giving up items that if I had room I would have kept was stressful.
I realize it sounds petty but SM and I worked hard for the things we have and having to sell them, or give them away to make room is the right thing to do but is not easy....Oh some of it was crap and should have been given away years ago, I get that. Some of it was overage as I stated. But there is a kernel of resentment along with the knowledge of doing what was necessary.
I am stating it so that I can get it out and get over it. As Shelley says, it is what it is. But I am still of the thought that there is value in memory. There is value in tradition and holding it to be dear, sacred even. I know I could live without any of these "things" that surround me but they still hold the essence of SM's and my life together. They hold no value to anyone else and never will, I get that. I have a harder time detatching myself from my life than some folks. I have passions that others don't get.
SM does. He sat there by my side at the yard sale and we talked about when and where we purchased things, the memories we shared and cherished and that was excellent. But for the people around us it is just junk, things that have been around forever and hold nothing but space. In some ways, it makes me sad. And today, I can't help that thought.
I've missed my "brain cleaning" time with all of you. My friendships of the heart. My experiences in caring for and with all of you. I'm glad this hurtful bump in the road is behind me.....for now.....there will be more, I'm a realist, I know this to be true. And all will be well soonest.