I remember when I first wrote in this blog. I wanted a place apart from my other blog to let my real feelings out, so that I could see them, and then be able to handle and process those emotions. The focus of all this was having 3 more people in close proximity relationship in my life, my home and my head (my daughter and my grands).
It has been several months and all three of them are doing better. Each has been able with the help of therapists work out some issues. It has been painful for both them and us (Sweet Man and me). Many really good things have come from these last few months. Clearer boundaries, communication, behaviors. Many ugly things have come to the surface. Worries, fears, hurts, pain. And as we expected, as with any journey involving healing, there is a root core disease.
There are just some things, even me, the jaded old biddy I am, cannot even fathom. And today is one of those times to face, if I believed in one, the devil. Evil is real, has a name, has a face and now the devil has been identified.
As a youngster, my Father, was my devil. He took a part of me, because he was missing part of himself. He was a coward, a weak willed evil man who had to hurt other people in order to feel better about himself. I had not faced that devil in my head until I was a grown-up. Thought I had imagined the evil. As a matter of fact I had displaced that evil to other people.....I was wrong. And when I faced my abuse, I was sick from it for many years. That's my story.
My grand Ry has a story too and I both sorrow for his current pain, past hurt and am thrilled that he will have a clearer future for facing it now.