I remember when I first wrote in this blog. I wanted a place apart from my other blog to let my real feelings out, so that I could see them, and then be able to handle and process those emotions. The focus of all this was having 3 more people in close proximity relationship in my life, my home and my head (my daughter and my grands).
It has been several months and all three of them are doing better. Each has been able with the help of therapists work out some issues. It has been painful for both them and us (Sweet Man and me). Many really good things have come from these last few months. Clearer boundaries, communication, behaviors. Many ugly things have come to the surface. Worries, fears, hurts, pain. And as we expected, as with any journey involving healing, there is a root core disease.
There are just some things, even me, the jaded old biddy I am, cannot even fathom. And today is one of those times to face, if I believed in one, the devil. Evil is real, has a name, has a face and now the devil has been identified.
As a youngster, my Father, was my devil. He took a part of me, because he was missing part of himself. He was a coward, a weak willed evil man who had to hurt other people in order to feel better about himself. I had not faced that devil in my head until I was a grown-up. Thought I had imagined the evil. As a matter of fact I had displaced that evil to other people.....I was wrong. And when I faced my abuse, I was sick from it for many years. That's my story.
My grand Ry has a story too and I both sorrow for his current pain, past hurt and am thrilled that he will have a clearer future for facing it now.
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Hard as it may be, facing the demon is the first step in healing. There'll be anger and tears...some curses...head banging, but you will heal. I think you are a very strong woman...someone I am proud to call a friend.
ReplyDeleteMary
You're still standing, keep that in mind. He's bad but he can't corrupt you now and he can't take any more from you. Watch your boundaries so others don't make you walk their path. A lot of folks try to make others carry their burdens or walk their path. Just tell them, MY DOG AIN'T IN THAT FIGHT.
ReplyDeleteMary, I love you for your caring.
ReplyDeleteHolly, you always know what to say to this olde bagg.
~i can not speak from knowing your pain, i have not endured anything such...i know evil is real, pain is real and you, i hold in my hands along with your family to free yourselves from all hurt and suffering that has come from another...i am happy things are surfacing and for those little ones dealing with it know verses later will help them to be strong ones who know their strength and understand it was not their fault as i do hope you know the same...we can not blame ourselves for the choices others make...you will all rise above and move forth in your lives healthy and only filled with love overflowing within...i know these are hard moments, i send my love, wishes and healing blessings upon you all~
ReplyDeleteHope you continue on the path to heal! I am sending you tons and tons of positive thoughts and wishes for a beautiful weekend xo
ReplyDeleteGoodness Linda! Please tell me what on earth is going on with that cute little grandson of yours. I've had issues in my past as a young child as well as my brother and maybe I can offer some insight. I don't want to impose, but I've been through a lot of "stuff" and would like to help if I could. I have found that sometimes an unbiased individual can sometimes offer the best advice or ways to deal with things. Again, I just hate when things go sour with little ones. How is your lovely granddaughter too? And your hand/wrist? Much better I hope! Blessings and prayers!
ReplyDeleteGillian
Alina and Faerwillow: you are nurturing spirits to me and mine.
ReplyDeleteGillian: I sent you an email to give you more insight and I am humbled by your gracious offer. My hand is some better.
Thanks one and all for holding us in your thoughts.
Ry, GK, Shel, SM and I all send our love back to each of you.
linda, so many pains in life and I wish you strength to face it all and get beyond it. take care. I am not home yet but soon and then we can all catch up. hugs to you
ReplyDeleteRight now I wish more than anything i could give you and your familys heart some lightness. I have had my own tramas as a child and I just want you to know im here if you ever need someone to just sit and listen.....
ReplyDeleteLinda In the short time I have known you, I have quickly come to know that your a wonderful careing person who sends warmth, I hope i can send some back.
Sending positive thoughts and light
Julie
x
Linda, no advice from me as I feel you are doing the right things. Facing demons and letting go is very healing, and you are very strong to be able to do that.
ReplyDeleteMany of us suffered abuse of various types as children; physical, mental, emotional. I was able to work through mine, but see the damage it has done in my brother and sister who now in their 50s still hold onto those feelings. I'm glad you were able to deal with your past and are there to gently and lovingly assist the grands and your daughter. All we can do is love, support and be there as they finally start the "dealing with it" process themselves. Wishing you peace and strength.
ReplyDelete