a little bird told me.........

I like so many females my age have fond rememberances of the little forest animals in the Walt Disney cartoon presentation of Sleeping Beauty. The little bluebirds in both SB and in Cinderella are my particular favorites. I always felt like the birds should come and land on my fingers and sing with me like they did with Cinderella. Or sit on the window sill and tell me all there was to know as in SB. I thought they were especially dear.

When I was 3, the little birds chirped at me in what I thought was a dream. They told me to run. But I couldn't.

When I was 6 and going to Catholic school and the nuns spanked me because I would not eat what was on my plate and told the other girls not to play with me and did inappropriate things to my person, the little birds told me not to cry, I could be brave. But I wasn't.

When I was 13 and a neighbor boy did things to me that I did not want him to do and told all the neighborhood that he had, the little birds told me not to cry, I should tell. But I didn't.

When I was in college, the little birds chirped loudly but I couldn't or wouldn't listen and I was sad and ashamed of who I was and of my behavior and the little birds told me, I could change. But I didn't.

When my first husband was cruel, unfaithful and hateful, the little birds told me to leave with the baby, at first I couldn't...but I did eventually.

When I reaquainted myself with Sweet Man, who is afraid of birds, the little birds told me I was safe and to stay and heal, and I did.

When the truth of my beginning hurt that came at the hands of my father came back from inside the dream, I was surprised that the little birds had taken care of me and loved me, even when I couldn't and the little birds told to me let go, but I couldn't.

I spent several years trying to sort out all the messages from the birds about my life and what had happened to me. The messages that I had "shelved" in places inside myself I didn't even know existed except in nightmares. And when I was brave enough to face the truth, the little birds told me I could be strong and I am (most of the time).

Now all of you know that my grands have had awful experiences in their young lives and that it is probably one of the reasons why I was destined to live the life I did, so that I could be equipped to handle and help them with the awful deeds done to them and the hurt feelings they have. I won't say that I don't wish that all of this, for all of us, would just miraculously go away. Because some days it just seems too much to bear. But the little birds have never let me down and I know that my grands also have a purpose to fulfill with what has occurred to them. They must also be the persons they were born to be. And I choose to believe that some good will come from their facing their truths and growing up strong, informed and armed to deal with what is out there in the world.

But a little bird told me that there have been others hurt the same way, by the same people as my grands and the little birds have told me to be strong, brave and not run. How could I turn away from this and live with myself? How can I not be sickened, outraged and yes, vengeful? I can separate what happened to me from what has happened to these innocents. I am a strong intellegent woman with compassion and brass balls.

And so, with pure unadulterated purpose, the little birds told me to share this with you, and so I have. And this will not be the only arena where this information will be shared. I will bet, at least part of my brass on that.