Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
You knew I wasn't gonna be able to not rant one more time......
before the end of the year. Yes, you do know how I roll.
I went to the Dr. on Monday. Yep, got another lung thing going on. Darn. The appointment went very nicely, no complaints about the nurses, PA's or schedulers. Everyone was great and it also went very fast. But.....and you know I always have a but....gripe numero uno: I was reading an article in a parenting magazine while I waited and there was an article about how to be a "calm parent". Calm parents raise children who are calm. (It's that whole nuts not falling too far from the tree thing) Calm parents remove themselves from stressful situations (this does not mean go running into the night screaming), contemplate how to react to the infraction (without death and destruction being mentioned), misdeed, wrong doing. Then the calm parent talks to the child (offender) and let's them know how they went wrong and how they can correct the behavior. And the article went on to say that we all make mistakes and sometimes when a parent has handled a situation in an "un calm" (normal reaction) manner, we have to learn to forgive ourselves. Yeah, that part I agree with as well as the part that said that parents must put their needs first in order not to be stressed more with child rearing.
Okay, on the written page and in my head, I get it. I worked with teenagers for 20+ years, they don't respond well to threats, anger, angst, crying and carrying on. I was required to take a number of hours of "be nice and don't get us sued" classes. But I'm sitting in the doctors office thinking ......big bubble of words above my head....that's fine if you are that kind of calm, collected, got all your stuff in one pile person to begin with. If you're not, it's great to aspire to not screaming at your kids when they paint hair remover on the cat. But conventional wisdom says, I might scream loud enough for folks in Texas to hear me. It is wonderful to have ethereal goals in life.....but well then there are the rest of us imperfect people who have been told repeatedly, we are imperfect and that's why we scream. So the vicious circle just keeps on turning. At this point, my grands would probably think that I was at death's door if I didn't have an animated and verbose response to a crisis.
The action, reaction, blame, guilt, sadness cycle is such a part of not having any power as a child. So there we are walking a tightrope to make sure our own children (grandchildren) are not impaired by our own histories. It is lofty and noble and hard and impossible sometimes. And for folks like me, articles like that are a trigger to thinking way too much and writing blogs about it.
2nd gripe: There was this pair of females in their 60's sitting across from me. The one was chatty cathy incarnate and the other couldn't get a word in sideways. The chatty one was looking through a magazine, telling the other one what she thought of everything in the magazine and licking her finger to help her turn every single page................and I'm thinking and how many other people have done the lick and turn thing in that magazine today, let alone since it was put in the waiting room with coughs and sneezes and all manner of goodness knows what. It was at that point I put the magazine I was reading down, looked in my purse and got out my bottle of antibacterial. eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. That's just nasty ya'll.
I went to the Dr. on Monday. Yep, got another lung thing going on. Darn. The appointment went very nicely, no complaints about the nurses, PA's or schedulers. Everyone was great and it also went very fast. But.....and you know I always have a but....gripe numero uno: I was reading an article in a parenting magazine while I waited and there was an article about how to be a "calm parent". Calm parents raise children who are calm. (It's that whole nuts not falling too far from the tree thing) Calm parents remove themselves from stressful situations (this does not mean go running into the night screaming), contemplate how to react to the infraction (without death and destruction being mentioned), misdeed, wrong doing. Then the calm parent talks to the child (offender) and let's them know how they went wrong and how they can correct the behavior. And the article went on to say that we all make mistakes and sometimes when a parent has handled a situation in an "un calm" (normal reaction) manner, we have to learn to forgive ourselves. Yeah, that part I agree with as well as the part that said that parents must put their needs first in order not to be stressed more with child rearing.
Okay, on the written page and in my head, I get it. I worked with teenagers for 20+ years, they don't respond well to threats, anger, angst, crying and carrying on. I was required to take a number of hours of "be nice and don't get us sued" classes. But I'm sitting in the doctors office thinking ......big bubble of words above my head....that's fine if you are that kind of calm, collected, got all your stuff in one pile person to begin with. If you're not, it's great to aspire to not screaming at your kids when they paint hair remover on the cat. But conventional wisdom says, I might scream loud enough for folks in Texas to hear me. It is wonderful to have ethereal goals in life.....but well then there are the rest of us imperfect people who have been told repeatedly, we are imperfect and that's why we scream. So the vicious circle just keeps on turning. At this point, my grands would probably think that I was at death's door if I didn't have an animated and verbose response to a crisis.
The action, reaction, blame, guilt, sadness cycle is such a part of not having any power as a child. So there we are walking a tightrope to make sure our own children (grandchildren) are not impaired by our own histories. It is lofty and noble and hard and impossible sometimes. And for folks like me, articles like that are a trigger to thinking way too much and writing blogs about it.
2nd gripe: There was this pair of females in their 60's sitting across from me. The one was chatty cathy incarnate and the other couldn't get a word in sideways. The chatty one was looking through a magazine, telling the other one what she thought of everything in the magazine and licking her finger to help her turn every single page................and I'm thinking and how many other people have done the lick and turn thing in that magazine today, let alone since it was put in the waiting room with coughs and sneezes and all manner of goodness knows what. It was at that point I put the magazine I was reading down, looked in my purse and got out my bottle of antibacterial. eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. That's just nasty ya'll.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Happy Holidays....see ya again after New Year's...........
Doing like lots of the rest of the blogging community and taking a brief vacation. I'm gonna be spending time with the grands doing the Oma thing. I will still post on Olde Baggs but Ye Olde Crone is on vacation.
Happiest of Holidays to all of you.
Happiest of Holidays to all of you.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
For the sake of the children..........
In life, we are asked to do things that are hard emotionally to do. We have to change behaviors in order for there to be peace.
I learned at an early age that maintaining calm and not rocking the boat were actions that were required in order to keep in the "safe zone". I also learned to cry quietly, into a pillow, so that no one knew I was upset and so the "ugly" energy was not focused on me.
As an adult however, I mimicked my father's actions and made my feelings known at the top of my lungs. Talked ugly and loud and abusively. It's that legacy thing that happens to the abused. I have had bouts of depression and anger (same song, different words). I have been to therapy and learned other (alternate) behaviors, soothing exercises, focusing exercises, letter writing to perpetrators and finally to throw it away. I would say in the past 3 years, I have pretty much succeeded in being the better person, emotionally, that I have always yearned to be. My relationships are built on mutual respect and love. Whether it is my family, the neighbors (except for the fool child next door, who is just beyond even liking), the mailman, strangers in line, service people, whomever.
But like the fool child from next door, who btw I do tolerate, there are some folks out there in the world who have harmed or continue to harm and for all of them....not so much. I could be like I was before and be ugly but it would be a waste of my precious time and energy. I choose the high road and know that all ugliness, meaness, and maliciousness finds its own level and all will be accounted for at some time, in some way. Some call it justice, some call it Karma, I just call it deserved.
So, for the sake of the children.....no, I won't go there. But do not be fooled into thinking that that means I am not capable of protecting those that I love, whether family, friends, strangers, children and animals. Just like they say at the auction before the gavel comes down on the final bid....fair warning.
I learned at an early age that maintaining calm and not rocking the boat were actions that were required in order to keep in the "safe zone". I also learned to cry quietly, into a pillow, so that no one knew I was upset and so the "ugly" energy was not focused on me.
As an adult however, I mimicked my father's actions and made my feelings known at the top of my lungs. Talked ugly and loud and abusively. It's that legacy thing that happens to the abused. I have had bouts of depression and anger (same song, different words). I have been to therapy and learned other (alternate) behaviors, soothing exercises, focusing exercises, letter writing to perpetrators and finally to throw it away. I would say in the past 3 years, I have pretty much succeeded in being the better person, emotionally, that I have always yearned to be. My relationships are built on mutual respect and love. Whether it is my family, the neighbors (except for the fool child next door, who is just beyond even liking), the mailman, strangers in line, service people, whomever.
But like the fool child from next door, who btw I do tolerate, there are some folks out there in the world who have harmed or continue to harm and for all of them....not so much. I could be like I was before and be ugly but it would be a waste of my precious time and energy. I choose the high road and know that all ugliness, meaness, and maliciousness finds its own level and all will be accounted for at some time, in some way. Some call it justice, some call it Karma, I just call it deserved.
So, for the sake of the children.....no, I won't go there. But do not be fooled into thinking that that means I am not capable of protecting those that I love, whether family, friends, strangers, children and animals. Just like they say at the auction before the gavel comes down on the final bid....fair warning.
Monday, December 13, 2010
There is joy in mudsville....again
When I consider where I was 5 years ago at this time....my abuser had just passed away, leaving me with a mess of family situations to deal with. I felt overwhelmed but relieved. I had moved my father to an assisted living situation because of his behavior and he had disowned me because of it. He signed all of his insurance, power of attorney and blah, blah, blah over to one of his "poor" sisters. When he died, his sisters, the ones to whom he turned "after I kicked him out of his home" for no reason at all (attempted sexual molestation of a 3 year old was nothing in his warped head), couldn't sign any of the papers to bury him or do anything at the funeral home because they were not the next of kin. I was.
My father had bullied and berated and bullshited his way through his entire life. He was a big talker and a big chicken. He had a fear of being cremated. But the poor aunt had misinformed the funeral home as to her position in his life and they cremated him before I got there. They, the sisters, weren't going to shell out any sizable amount on a funeral and the cheapest way was of course to cremate him. The funeral home was a little scared when I let them know that, especially since I had not signed the orders. Remember, I worked for these people and I knew what could have happened if I really had been my father's daughter. Hell might never have been paid.
He and my mother had bought crypts at the cemetery in which I worked and he did that because he was afraid to be buried in the ground because of the bugs. Like he's gonna know when he's dead????? So when crypt shopping, and I swear this is true, he picked a crypt near an electrical plug because he asked me to make sure he had a night light in his crypt........yeah right like that's happening. Anyway, before I got to the funeral home, they had already cremated his remains. I swear, it took everything in my power not to laugh. Burn you sorry sack of............
And his sisters made it quite clear that they had a funeral planned for him and wanted me to go along with being the grieving daughter. To put on the front because that's what my father deserved. Uh, no, I could think of alot of other things he deserved but respect and decorum weren't on the list. I told them we would have a proper funeral for my father when my "siblings got here". Of course all of our lives, they chose to not be a part of my or my siblings lives because my father lied to his own family and told them he never adopted my brother and sister and they weren't really related to them so why bother with them. Charmers eh?, As a matter of fact, they had no idea my brother had passed away. So we would be along time waiting for him to come to my father's funeral. My father had no death notice in the paper, no one knew he had died and a year later in a private service, they shoved him into the hole in the wall next to my mother. Or at least that is what I was told by the cemetery.
Then 3 years ago at this time, I was faced with no family to celebrate with or for. And I really shouldn't put it that way because Sweet Man was here, but we were both in zombie drive. The grands and Shelley were in South Carolina. I felt empty and alone and really had no desire to participate in the holidays.
I'm a big hermit anyway but I didn't go to the stores after Halloween and just read and did home things. But it was possibly the longest holiday season on record to SM and I.
Fast forward to 1 year ago. The kids are here. We are all stuffed in this medium sized house with holiday "you name it" everywhere and I felt like I did when Shelley was little and I would get the tickle in my stomach as I was lying in bed waiting for her to get up at the crack of dawn and thinking I could hear Santa's jingle bells too. Or our looney tune cop friends whistling Silent Night on their loudspeakers outside our house.
Sweet Man's experiences as a child at the holidays wasn't exactly joyful and so he has better memories of the putting the toys together (with parts missing at midnight) Christmas eve. Seeing the joy and surprise on our sweet baby girl's face and knowing that Santa Claus and the Spirit of Christmas are real, if only you believe. So this last year brought us full circle with the kids. Again, the joy, the magick, the belief was here, alive and well in mudsville.
So life for me has gone up and down, just as I am sure it has for all the rest of you. Good, bad, sad, happy, flat and sparkle.
I hope you find joy in Mudsville this holiday season.
My father had bullied and berated and bullshited his way through his entire life. He was a big talker and a big chicken. He had a fear of being cremated. But the poor aunt had misinformed the funeral home as to her position in his life and they cremated him before I got there. They, the sisters, weren't going to shell out any sizable amount on a funeral and the cheapest way was of course to cremate him. The funeral home was a little scared when I let them know that, especially since I had not signed the orders. Remember, I worked for these people and I knew what could have happened if I really had been my father's daughter. Hell might never have been paid.
He and my mother had bought crypts at the cemetery in which I worked and he did that because he was afraid to be buried in the ground because of the bugs. Like he's gonna know when he's dead????? So when crypt shopping, and I swear this is true, he picked a crypt near an electrical plug because he asked me to make sure he had a night light in his crypt........yeah right like that's happening. Anyway, before I got to the funeral home, they had already cremated his remains. I swear, it took everything in my power not to laugh. Burn you sorry sack of............
And his sisters made it quite clear that they had a funeral planned for him and wanted me to go along with being the grieving daughter. To put on the front because that's what my father deserved. Uh, no, I could think of alot of other things he deserved but respect and decorum weren't on the list. I told them we would have a proper funeral for my father when my "siblings got here". Of course all of our lives, they chose to not be a part of my or my siblings lives because my father lied to his own family and told them he never adopted my brother and sister and they weren't really related to them so why bother with them. Charmers eh?, As a matter of fact, they had no idea my brother had passed away. So we would be along time waiting for him to come to my father's funeral. My father had no death notice in the paper, no one knew he had died and a year later in a private service, they shoved him into the hole in the wall next to my mother. Or at least that is what I was told by the cemetery.
Then 3 years ago at this time, I was faced with no family to celebrate with or for. And I really shouldn't put it that way because Sweet Man was here, but we were both in zombie drive. The grands and Shelley were in South Carolina. I felt empty and alone and really had no desire to participate in the holidays.
I'm a big hermit anyway but I didn't go to the stores after Halloween and just read and did home things. But it was possibly the longest holiday season on record to SM and I.
Fast forward to 1 year ago. The kids are here. We are all stuffed in this medium sized house with holiday "you name it" everywhere and I felt like I did when Shelley was little and I would get the tickle in my stomach as I was lying in bed waiting for her to get up at the crack of dawn and thinking I could hear Santa's jingle bells too. Or our looney tune cop friends whistling Silent Night on their loudspeakers outside our house.
Sweet Man's experiences as a child at the holidays wasn't exactly joyful and so he has better memories of the putting the toys together (with parts missing at midnight) Christmas eve. Seeing the joy and surprise on our sweet baby girl's face and knowing that Santa Claus and the Spirit of Christmas are real, if only you believe. So this last year brought us full circle with the kids. Again, the joy, the magick, the belief was here, alive and well in mudsville.
So life for me has gone up and down, just as I am sure it has for all the rest of you. Good, bad, sad, happy, flat and sparkle.
I hope you find joy in Mudsville this holiday season.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
I thought you needed to know..................
I know all of you are very busy and drop in on the run to read.....the reason I know that is because, I do too.
I would love to have an entire day to spend not only reading each of your blogs but going back and reading the ones I missed, but alas, the globe keeps spinning and we keep racing about like we know what we are doing. N'cest Pas?
I have, as of late, found out from several of you that you did not realize that I, the old and weird one, have more than one blog. And some of you are going, really????? is she really gonna tell us this. And the answer is yes, because I try really, really hard to keep the subject matter different for each one.
http://yeoldecronesgazette.blogspot.com/ Ye Olde Crone's Gazette is where I try to put into words what I feel is going on in the/my world that has some pain, angst, to it. Alot has to do with my past, the kids present and our attempt at being supportive of others who might be in the same circumstances. Although sometimes, it just serves as a good place to vent, rant, you know.
http://practicallymagkical.blogspot.com/ Practically Magickal is intended to be where I share my art work. Hasn't really been used as much as I should use it, but that is about to change. I is my intention to make it my focus in 2011.
http://omalinda.etsy.com/ is my Etsy shop, such as it is. This also will have a new focus in 2011. I have enough arting and crafting "things I will never use, if I had three lifetimes" and intend to destash and offer on Etsy. Also I have been able to move on and will be listing my Mother's stash of "for good" items she never got around to using. New old stock is what I think they call it. So after Jan. 1 if you are in the market for some aged crapee or great junque, come visit me.
http://lindaomasoldebaggsnstuftshirts.blogspot.com/ is the blog where I keep all of you updated on the insanity perpetrated on and by the inhabitants of Casa de Cuckoo. This blog is my heart. It is where I have in the past focused my inner self. My love for my family, my view of the world according to Linda and the funny I found around me all the time.
So I am cross referencing these pieces of my blogging/computer life because I am beginning to feel like the faery on Rocky and Bullwinkle's TV show Fractured Fairy Tales. It was okay when I only had a few of you to answer back to when you so graciously commented. But when some of my lovelies know of my past life abuse and others are shocked by it and I can't keep straight who's who and what's what....well this old grey mare don't have the brain power to keep homework, field trip permission slips, dinner plans, Joe's work schedule, Shelley's days off, deadlines for customers and making a magickal day for all that I love. I'm not complaining....I love ever minute of a full life....but I am repurposing (that's gonna be my word for 2011) my time and energy and if I let all of you know where you can find me hiding er doing my thing, then I won't miss out on a moment's joy.
Because quite frankly, you have saved my life. When I didn't think I could bear some of what has happened to myself or my sweet babies....there you were, commenting, lifting me up, making me better every day. You gave me a purpose. You gave me a reason. And for that there are only four words and they really aren't enough but will have to do for now. Thank you my friends
I would love to have an entire day to spend not only reading each of your blogs but going back and reading the ones I missed, but alas, the globe keeps spinning and we keep racing about like we know what we are doing. N'cest Pas?
I have, as of late, found out from several of you that you did not realize that I, the old and weird one, have more than one blog. And some of you are going, really????? is she really gonna tell us this. And the answer is yes, because I try really, really hard to keep the subject matter different for each one.
http://yeoldecronesgazette.blogspot.com/ Ye Olde Crone's Gazette is where I try to put into words what I feel is going on in the/my world that has some pain, angst, to it. Alot has to do with my past, the kids present and our attempt at being supportive of others who might be in the same circumstances. Although sometimes, it just serves as a good place to vent, rant, you know.
http://practicallymagkical.blogspot.com/ Practically Magickal is intended to be where I share my art work. Hasn't really been used as much as I should use it, but that is about to change. I is my intention to make it my focus in 2011.
http://omalinda.etsy.com/ is my Etsy shop, such as it is. This also will have a new focus in 2011. I have enough arting and crafting "things I will never use, if I had three lifetimes" and intend to destash and offer on Etsy. Also I have been able to move on and will be listing my Mother's stash of "for good" items she never got around to using. New old stock is what I think they call it. So after Jan. 1 if you are in the market for some aged crapee or great junque, come visit me.
http://lindaomasoldebaggsnstuftshirts.blogspot.com/ is the blog where I keep all of you updated on the insanity perpetrated on and by the inhabitants of Casa de Cuckoo. This blog is my heart. It is where I have in the past focused my inner self. My love for my family, my view of the world according to Linda and the funny I found around me all the time.
Because quite frankly, you have saved my life. When I didn't think I could bear some of what has happened to myself or my sweet babies....there you were, commenting, lifting me up, making me better every day. You gave me a purpose. You gave me a reason. And for that there are only four words and they really aren't enough but will have to do for now. Thank you my friends
Thursday, December 9, 2010
The use of holidays as a snare for luring victims........
I'll catch those of you up on my history, so that it does not seem odd for me to be discussing abuse. Some of you already know of my father and his terrible treatment of my mother, sister, neighbors, neices, aunts and me. The reason he was moved to a managed care facility from his home, where I moved to take care of him after my mother died is because he tried to molest my granddaughter.....just as he had molested me.
When I was a youngster, I just hated the holidays. My Mother was the southern June Cleaver in her own mind and wanted everything to be perfect for the holidays and that happened to be the only time we were allowed in the living room and dining room (we were saving it for good). Even as adults, we were not allowed in on the "good" furniture and heaven forbid that the grandchilden would go into the room with their shoes on. She just expected nothing less than everyone looking, being and behaving perfectly. Yikes, no pressure there.
But after reading all three of the books written by Gayden Metcalf and Charlotte Hays I better understand about southern mothers. The books are: Some Day You'll Thank Me for This, The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Being a Perfect Mother, Being Dead is No Excuse, The Offical Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral and Somebody is Going to Die if Lilly Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet, The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding.
Along with the illusion that nothing was wrong in our little family (which would have been tacky to admit) there was the absolute oblivion observed towards the hatefulness that permeated the whole house everytime my brother, sister in law and their two kids and my sister, brother in law and three kids came into "their house".
Then my father had his victim pool of captive people. He was hateful to everyone. Had snide, ugly, hurtful remarks for all. He always complained about the expense of everything, had a fit if someone wanted seconds at a meal, would only serve drinks to his friends, not the family. The worst was at Christmas, after we had opened the presents he would throw parts of everyones presents away with the wrapping paper. The kids toys, clothes, you name it and he would spoil it all. You may say that he was just a rotten man and that what he did was ugly, but what he did to our family, such as it was, was abusive.
He would never let my Mother spend any of "his" money to buy presents for "her" kids or grandkids. She had to sneak around like a thief in the night to do presents for birthdays, graduations, Christmas, everything...... And then when the present giving was over they would fight and fuss and being the youngest by 11 years, I got to hear it all and live through it.
So needless to say, happy what?
I live in the house where all this unhappiness occured but there is no trace of any of it here. We've exorcised and cleansed all of that mess out of here, long ago. And we continue to protect ourselves from the without and the within. Ever vigilant. We are very careful about protecting ourselves.
It is comical to see my grands doing things....like living life....in places where my mother would be having a cataleptic siezure if she saw how the spaces in what used to be her house are being used. Life in this house is a constant work in progress.....ain't it the truth. Three generations making magick happen.
The only reason for my posting this "ugly" from the past is to share with those who are living through something painful like this or have been through a similar situation. For those who have "family" situations that are really difficult at a time when the standard is joy, joy, joy............. and you're asking Really???? You can choose to let the ugly go. You are not alone. There is hope in the future, but it is up to you. Blessings, The Olde Bagg
When I was a youngster, I just hated the holidays. My Mother was the southern June Cleaver in her own mind and wanted everything to be perfect for the holidays and that happened to be the only time we were allowed in the living room and dining room (we were saving it for good). Even as adults, we were not allowed in on the "good" furniture and heaven forbid that the grandchilden would go into the room with their shoes on. She just expected nothing less than everyone looking, being and behaving perfectly. Yikes, no pressure there.
But after reading all three of the books written by Gayden Metcalf and Charlotte Hays I better understand about southern mothers. The books are: Some Day You'll Thank Me for This, The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Being a Perfect Mother, Being Dead is No Excuse, The Offical Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral and Somebody is Going to Die if Lilly Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet, The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding.
Along with the illusion that nothing was wrong in our little family (which would have been tacky to admit) there was the absolute oblivion observed towards the hatefulness that permeated the whole house everytime my brother, sister in law and their two kids and my sister, brother in law and three kids came into "their house".
Then my father had his victim pool of captive people. He was hateful to everyone. Had snide, ugly, hurtful remarks for all. He always complained about the expense of everything, had a fit if someone wanted seconds at a meal, would only serve drinks to his friends, not the family. The worst was at Christmas, after we had opened the presents he would throw parts of everyones presents away with the wrapping paper. The kids toys, clothes, you name it and he would spoil it all. You may say that he was just a rotten man and that what he did was ugly, but what he did to our family, such as it was, was abusive.
He would never let my Mother spend any of "his" money to buy presents for "her" kids or grandkids. She had to sneak around like a thief in the night to do presents for birthdays, graduations, Christmas, everything...... And then when the present giving was over they would fight and fuss and being the youngest by 11 years, I got to hear it all and live through it.
So needless to say, happy what?
I live in the house where all this unhappiness occured but there is no trace of any of it here. We've exorcised and cleansed all of that mess out of here, long ago. And we continue to protect ourselves from the without and the within. Ever vigilant. We are very careful about protecting ourselves.
It is comical to see my grands doing things....like living life....in places where my mother would be having a cataleptic siezure if she saw how the spaces in what used to be her house are being used. Life in this house is a constant work in progress.....ain't it the truth. Three generations making magick happen.
The only reason for my posting this "ugly" from the past is to share with those who are living through something painful like this or have been through a similar situation. For those who have "family" situations that are really difficult at a time when the standard is joy, joy, joy............. and you're asking Really???? You can choose to let the ugly go. You are not alone. There is hope in the future, but it is up to you. Blessings, The Olde Bagg
Monday, December 6, 2010
What is abuse?
So what do I mean?
Well, for over a year now I have been an observer of someone else's outward manifestations of several different types of abuse. I have been reading all I can get my eyes on whether online or in book form about PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I now know, from my readings, that PTSD is manifested differently in almost every instance. I posted before that everyone in my household has been abused. Not all of us in the same way. And most people think that abuse is only sexual or physical but that is a misnomer. Abuse comes in many forms. Mary on I am Woman http://iamwoman-mxtodis123.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-is-cycle-of-abuse.html has an ongoing blog about the different kinds of abuse. If you are interested, I would recommend that you go to her blog and do some investigation. Also another place to go and learn about the issues of and survivability of abuse is Chicks with Scars http://www.chickswithscars.com/2010/12/why-i-didnt-get-looney-tunes.html?
I am the one researching PTSD because I see my daughter and grands and see that they are "shell shocked" as it used to be referred to. Each of them has a different way of showing their pain. An environment that is aberrant, whether war, kidnapping, controlled abuse, programming or abandonment all produce a form of PTSD. So the phrase "hell on earth" is apropos.
And the abuse for all three of my sweet ones is ongoing. Each of them relives their abuse and are in therapy to help cope, handle, manage and work their way through. It is hard work for each of them. But the fact of the matter is that they are making an effort to be better. Were it, that they could be left to their work without the catalyst rearing "its" ugly head. Whether they are exposed to the abuser or to a catalyst that triggers is immaterial, they are suffering from the encounters.
So now is my question to you. The profession of undying love and need to be apart of the "family" preceeds every encounter. But if you knew you were the catalyst and had been told and been made aware that you are the one who is causing harm and hurt to the precious ones you profess to love, would you continue to insist that you deserve to talk to them? Even if you knew you were the one who made things worse? Yes, if you are the abuser, because you "need, want, deserve, have the right to". Hold on lovelies...this is a real life human being. Walking, talking and breathing and even from very far away is harming and continuing to hurt the ones I love.
Honestly, I have really contemplated this question.....would I, if I knew I was being harmful to someone, would I continue to hurt, harm, offend, harrass or weasel my way into their lives to continue the pain? I can answer that question without any hestitation. No.
Well, for over a year now I have been an observer of someone else's outward manifestations of several different types of abuse. I have been reading all I can get my eyes on whether online or in book form about PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I now know, from my readings, that PTSD is manifested differently in almost every instance. I posted before that everyone in my household has been abused. Not all of us in the same way. And most people think that abuse is only sexual or physical but that is a misnomer. Abuse comes in many forms. Mary on I am Woman http://iamwoman-mxtodis123.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-is-cycle-of-abuse.html has an ongoing blog about the different kinds of abuse. If you are interested, I would recommend that you go to her blog and do some investigation. Also another place to go and learn about the issues of and survivability of abuse is Chicks with Scars http://www.chickswithscars.com/2010/12/why-i-didnt-get-looney-tunes.html?
I am the one researching PTSD because I see my daughter and grands and see that they are "shell shocked" as it used to be referred to. Each of them has a different way of showing their pain. An environment that is aberrant, whether war, kidnapping, controlled abuse, programming or abandonment all produce a form of PTSD. So the phrase "hell on earth" is apropos.
And the abuse for all three of my sweet ones is ongoing. Each of them relives their abuse and are in therapy to help cope, handle, manage and work their way through. It is hard work for each of them. But the fact of the matter is that they are making an effort to be better. Were it, that they could be left to their work without the catalyst rearing "its" ugly head. Whether they are exposed to the abuser or to a catalyst that triggers is immaterial, they are suffering from the encounters.
So now is my question to you. The profession of undying love and need to be apart of the "family" preceeds every encounter. But if you knew you were the catalyst and had been told and been made aware that you are the one who is causing harm and hurt to the precious ones you profess to love, would you continue to insist that you deserve to talk to them? Even if you knew you were the one who made things worse? Yes, if you are the abuser, because you "need, want, deserve, have the right to". Hold on lovelies...this is a real life human being. Walking, talking and breathing and even from very far away is harming and continuing to hurt the ones I love.
Honestly, I have really contemplated this question.....would I, if I knew I was being harmful to someone, would I continue to hurt, harm, offend, harrass or weasel my way into their lives to continue the pain? I can answer that question without any hestitation. No.
Friday, December 3, 2010
I've joined the ranks of those that finished The 30 Days of Truth
30 Days of Truth:
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself
Day 2: Something you love about yourself
Day 3:Something you have to forgive yourself for
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone else for
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living
Day 8: Someone who has made your life hell or treated you badly
Day 9: Someone you didn't want to let go, but who drifted
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough times
Day 14: A hero that has let you down
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn't live without
Day 16: Something or someone you could definitely live without
Day 17: A book you've read that changed your view on something
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage
Day 19: What is your opinion of religion?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (Scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you got into a fight a couple of hours before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn't done in your life
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone and explain why you chose those songs
Day 25: The reason you believe you're still alive today
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life?
Day 27: What's the best thing you've got going for you right now?
Day 28: What would you do if you got pregnant (or got someone pregnant) right now?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself
Day 30: A letter to yourself
So if you are of a mind to, take a look at the questions and join thefun, thought provoking time, growth. At first I thought I could slide right through this list with no problems. I wouldn't say I had problems but I would tell you, telling the absolute truth is an exercise in self analysis and I am glad I did it.
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself
Day 2: Something you love about yourself
Day 3:Something you have to forgive yourself for
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone else for
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living
Day 8: Someone who has made your life hell or treated you badly
Day 9: Someone you didn't want to let go, but who drifted
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough times
Day 14: A hero that has let you down
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn't live without
Day 16: Something or someone you could definitely live without
Day 17: A book you've read that changed your view on something
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage
Day 19: What is your opinion of religion?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (Scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you got into a fight a couple of hours before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn't done in your life
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone and explain why you chose those songs
Day 25: The reason you believe you're still alive today
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life?
Day 27: What's the best thing you've got going for you right now?
Day 28: What would you do if you got pregnant (or got someone pregnant) right now?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself
Day 30: A letter to yourself
So if you are of a mind to, take a look at the questions and join the
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Day 27, 28, 29, 30 of Truth.............
Day 27. What's the best thing you've got going for you right now?
I would say it is my age. I have lived long enough to have some wisdom and not long enough to have forgotten what I still need to learn. At 18, I knew everything, at 30, I thought I knew alot and didn't need a lot of guidance, at 45, I began to realize that life was more complicated than I had imagined and now I want to learn and experience as much as humanly possible.
Day 28. What would you do if you got pregnant right now? Oh, I can't even imagine.
Day 29. Something you hope to change about yourself? I need to accept certain truths but I don't need to hide from being able to do something about my health. I am motivated to being a full time participant in being a better me.
Day 30. A letter to yourself.
Dear Linda:
Forgive and forget what is gone. Embrace and expand on what is. Seek opportunity to be better and move forward.
Be kind to yourself, love as much and as often as possible and don't look back but around and enjoy the blessings of the now. And laugh at least 20 times a day.
Your best friend, worst enemy and constant companion, The Olde Bagg
I would say it is my age. I have lived long enough to have some wisdom and not long enough to have forgotten what I still need to learn. At 18, I knew everything, at 30, I thought I knew alot and didn't need a lot of guidance, at 45, I began to realize that life was more complicated than I had imagined and now I want to learn and experience as much as humanly possible.
Day 28. What would you do if you got pregnant right now? Oh, I can't even imagine.
Day 29. Something you hope to change about yourself? I need to accept certain truths but I don't need to hide from being able to do something about my health. I am motivated to being a full time participant in being a better me.
Day 30. A letter to yourself.
Dear Linda:
Forgive and forget what is gone. Embrace and expand on what is. Seek opportunity to be better and move forward.
Be kind to yourself, love as much and as often as possible and don't look back but around and enjoy the blessings of the now. And laugh at least 20 times a day.
Your best friend, worst enemy and constant companion, The Olde Bagg
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