7. Someone who has made your life worth living.
I can't just pick one. Joe, Shelley, GereaKaye and RyLeigh. They are a unit. They are my life.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Day 4
4. Something you have to forgive someone else for.
I thought about it, typed out an answer, re read it and erased it.
The short answer, my sister for not protecting me. 'Nuff said.
I thought about it, typed out an answer, re read it and erased it.
The short answer, my sister for not protecting me. 'Nuff said.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Day 3
3. Something you have to forgive yourself for.
This is a hard one. First because I am one of those people who has a guilt necklace with a broken clasp. I just walk around finding the beads of guilt and adding them to the necklace. I constantly say, I'm sorry. So much so that sometimes, I don't really know what it is that I am sorry for. And second because I have so many to pick from, see above.
Coming from a "dysfunctional (nice easy word) childhood", I learned early on that whatever it was that went wrong, it was bound to be my fault and that's how I learned the guilt behavior. But in the recent past, I have, after many years of soul searching and angst, learned that the behavior is very self serving and destructive. NO, Really????? This is the one I really didn't know, it is narcissistic. I had never thought of guilt as making me want to be the center of the universe but it is. Not to the outside world necessarily but the "suffering servant" persona has long been my ugly of choice.
So, I have to forgive myself for being a chump for way too long. You know, taking one for the gipper and being a team player and the brunt of everyone's emotional baggage has not served me well. Guilt makes you bitter not better. Not forgiving yourself shows itself in dis-ease and disease. Feeding that guilt from since before there was hair has given me a "fat" thinking brain and body, bad knees (see fat brain) and back problems (also see fat brain). I eat because I want to self sooth. Doesn't work but it's an ingrained habit to heal that actually causes dis-ease.
I would like to forgive myself for being human and reacting to my childhood hurt by wounding myself over and over again and then jump on that merry go round for so many years. I forgive myself for lack of control. The past is gone, the hurt is over, not forgotten, but over and I have a handle on my brain and body but mostly my heart. Forgiveness granted and accepted. And I am ready to move on to smaller and better things....if you get my drift.
This is a hard one. First because I am one of those people who has a guilt necklace with a broken clasp. I just walk around finding the beads of guilt and adding them to the necklace. I constantly say, I'm sorry. So much so that sometimes, I don't really know what it is that I am sorry for. And second because I have so many to pick from, see above.
Coming from a "dysfunctional (nice easy word) childhood", I learned early on that whatever it was that went wrong, it was bound to be my fault and that's how I learned the guilt behavior. But in the recent past, I have, after many years of soul searching and angst, learned that the behavior is very self serving and destructive. NO, Really????? This is the one I really didn't know, it is narcissistic. I had never thought of guilt as making me want to be the center of the universe but it is. Not to the outside world necessarily but the "suffering servant" persona has long been my ugly of choice.
So, I have to forgive myself for being a chump for way too long. You know, taking one for the gipper and being a team player and the brunt of everyone's emotional baggage has not served me well. Guilt makes you bitter not better. Not forgiving yourself shows itself in dis-ease and disease. Feeding that guilt from since before there was hair has given me a "fat" thinking brain and body, bad knees (see fat brain) and back problems (also see fat brain). I eat because I want to self sooth. Doesn't work but it's an ingrained habit to heal that actually causes dis-ease.
I would like to forgive myself for being human and reacting to my childhood hurt by wounding myself over and over again and then jump on that merry go round for so many years. I forgive myself for lack of control. The past is gone, the hurt is over, not forgotten, but over and I have a handle on my brain and body but mostly my heart. Forgiveness granted and accepted. And I am ready to move on to smaller and better things....if you get my drift.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Day 2
2. Something that you love about yourself.
I know this is going to sound very narcissist but I have always been in love with my eyes. As a kid I didn't like much about myself and to me it seemed that my eyes were the best feature I had.
I am a very normal looking person. Overweight, white, thinning hair, can't physically do what I remember being really good at doing but my eyes have just gotten prettier. Lighter as I have gotten older.
I have hazel eyes, with a witch's spot (a dark section of the iris) in my left eye. If I were to have been born a few centuries earlier I never would have made it to 60. Bad spot, witch spot, mark of the devil.....all names for this birth mark. My eyes were dark brown edges with a really dark green center section when I was younger so most people didn't notice the color and would say I had brown eyes.
In my forties my eyes started the lightening process and I had people stop me while I was out shopping to tell me I had something in my eye. Like I wouldn't notice it if I had a big dark blog hanging there. And now.....my eyes are a golden brown, moss green in the center and well the spot is almost like an elongated iris only to the side of the original. SPOOKY. And no, my lovely daughter has just green eyes and both of the grands have root beer colored eyes with no sign of the spot. But that's not to say they won't have babies with the spot.
It is an inherited trait. My Daddy Jack (grandfather) had one and so did his sister Hazel. My own mother had light hazel eyes, no spot just like her grandmothers eyes. So to the Scotch/Irish eyes, cheers.
I know this is going to sound very narcissist but I have always been in love with my eyes. As a kid I didn't like much about myself and to me it seemed that my eyes were the best feature I had.
I am a very normal looking person. Overweight, white, thinning hair, can't physically do what I remember being really good at doing but my eyes have just gotten prettier. Lighter as I have gotten older.
I have hazel eyes, with a witch's spot (a dark section of the iris) in my left eye. If I were to have been born a few centuries earlier I never would have made it to 60. Bad spot, witch spot, mark of the devil.....all names for this birth mark. My eyes were dark brown edges with a really dark green center section when I was younger so most people didn't notice the color and would say I had brown eyes.
In my forties my eyes started the lightening process and I had people stop me while I was out shopping to tell me I had something in my eye. Like I wouldn't notice it if I had a big dark blog hanging there. And now.....my eyes are a golden brown, moss green in the center and well the spot is almost like an elongated iris only to the side of the original. SPOOKY. And no, my lovely daughter has just green eyes and both of the grands have root beer colored eyes with no sign of the spot. But that's not to say they won't have babies with the spot.
It is an inherited trait. My Daddy Jack (grandfather) had one and so did his sister Hazel. My own mother had light hazel eyes, no spot just like her grandmothers eyes. So to the Scotch/Irish eyes, cheers.
Day 1
1. Something you hate about yourself.
I am a passionate person. I am a loud person. I can be a very overbearing, loud person when angry.
As a child, I was the youngest, the only and ignored. That's not an excuse that's the facts. My brother and sister were a whirlwind in the house until I was 6 and then they were both gone and out of the house, then I was an only. My parents fought alot and I learned from listening and cowering. You would have thought I would have learned not to shout but nooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Flash forward to my marrying Sweet Man. He is the oldest of eight, a Libra, calm, direct, gentle and strong. He told me, after he asked me to marry him, that he would never argue with me. Wow, I thought I had it made. Nope, it just means he never argues.....I yell, he just listens. We have tailored this into a fine tuned insanity. He just lets me wax on at a million decibels obnoxiously and he just has selective hearing.
I hate that I yell because I know it scares people. Hell, it scared the grands when they first moved in here because they thought I would stay angry. But it's like a flash in a pan........cherries jubilee of snit......here this moment....flash and then it's gone. And I don't stay mad. As a matter of fact...most of the time while I am being loud....I am also being funny.
The people who love me understand, perfect strangers not so much. But then I don't yell in front of strangers............for the most part. The neighbors have learned to just take it under advisement that Mt. Mouth has just erupted and then all that's left is a big ash. Me.
I've tried self control but nope...I suppose I am just one of those out of self control loud kinda people. My family is only frightened of me when I am quiet. That's when the snit hits the fan. SNIT....that's what I have, snits.
The thing I don't like about myself is my loud angry outbursts.
I am a passionate person. I am a loud person. I can be a very overbearing, loud person when angry.
As a child, I was the youngest, the only and ignored. That's not an excuse that's the facts. My brother and sister were a whirlwind in the house until I was 6 and then they were both gone and out of the house, then I was an only. My parents fought alot and I learned from listening and cowering. You would have thought I would have learned not to shout but nooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Flash forward to my marrying Sweet Man. He is the oldest of eight, a Libra, calm, direct, gentle and strong. He told me, after he asked me to marry him, that he would never argue with me. Wow, I thought I had it made. Nope, it just means he never argues.....I yell, he just listens. We have tailored this into a fine tuned insanity. He just lets me wax on at a million decibels obnoxiously and he just has selective hearing.
I hate that I yell because I know it scares people. Hell, it scared the grands when they first moved in here because they thought I would stay angry. But it's like a flash in a pan........cherries jubilee of snit......here this moment....flash and then it's gone. And I don't stay mad. As a matter of fact...most of the time while I am being loud....I am also being funny.
The people who love me understand, perfect strangers not so much. But then I don't yell in front of strangers............for the most part. The neighbors have learned to just take it under advisement that Mt. Mouth has just erupted and then all that's left is a big ash. Me.
I've tried self control but nope...I suppose I am just one of those out of self control loud kinda people. My family is only frightened of me when I am quiet. That's when the snit hits the fan. SNIT....that's what I have, snits.
The thing I don't like about myself is my loud angry outbursts.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Thirty days of Truth.............
A dear blogging buddy is doing this posting and I said I would join her.... Halloween has kinda gotten in the way but I am ready....maybe not....to go. So without further ado, Skippy Mom, I am starting..........
30 Days of Truth:
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself
Day 2: Something you love about yourself
Day 3:Something you have to forgive yourself for
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone else for
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living
Day 8: Someone who has made your life hell or treated you badly
Day 9: Someone you didn't want to let go, but who drifted
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough times
Day 14: A hero that has let you down
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn't live without
Day 16: Something or someone you could definitely live without
Day 17: A book you've read that changed your view on something
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage
Day 19: What is your opinion of religion?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (Scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you got into a fight a couple of hours before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn't done in your life
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone and explain why you chose those songs
Day 25: The reason you believe you're still alive today
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life?
Day 27: What's the best thing you've got going for you right now?
Day 28: What would you do if you got pregnant (or got someone pregnant) right now?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself
Day 30: A letter to yourself
So first thing tomorrow I will begin to answer these 30 things every day. If you are so inclined, join me. Or if you have good sense then just sit back and watch the fun I will have with out you....???????? We'll see.
30 Days of Truth:
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself
Day 2: Something you love about yourself
Day 3:Something you have to forgive yourself for
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone else for
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living
Day 8: Someone who has made your life hell or treated you badly
Day 9: Someone you didn't want to let go, but who drifted
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough times
Day 14: A hero that has let you down
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn't live without
Day 16: Something or someone you could definitely live without
Day 17: A book you've read that changed your view on something
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage
Day 19: What is your opinion of religion?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (Scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you got into a fight a couple of hours before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn't done in your life
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone and explain why you chose those songs
Day 25: The reason you believe you're still alive today
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life?
Day 27: What's the best thing you've got going for you right now?
Day 28: What would you do if you got pregnant (or got someone pregnant) right now?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself
Day 30: A letter to yourself
So first thing tomorrow I will begin to answer these 30 things every day. If you are so inclined, join me. Or if you have good sense then just sit back and watch the fun I will have with out you....???????? We'll see.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Haunted no more........
Guest Blogger: Shelley
I want to thank my mom for letting me be a guest blogger...or maybe I should thank her for allowing me to use her Ye Olde Crone's as my outlet. Yep its Shelley..the Mom behind the Grands, the Missing Generation.
Oma has blogged so much about the kids and their/our situation. Today, it is my turn. From a Mommy Perspective.
I woke up this morning before the butt crack of dawn (on my day off when I could have slept till half past the butt crack). I woke up with the realization that after a little more than a year, countless therapy hours, medication changes and sleepless nights, my babies are no longer haunted.
Now that is a double edged sword. To come to the realization that the haunting has ceased, I also had to have the flashes of why they became haunted. Why my son was deathly afraid of the sound of a flushing toilet. Why my beautiful daughter couldn't sleep on her own.
I played the pictures in my head of the look of dark circles under malnourished eyes in my head only to fast forward to happy healthy beautiful sparkling root beer colored eyes with clear skin. I also replayed some of my own terrors. Only to come to a conclusion that the sound of the joyous raucous laughter coming from my babies bed room on a Monday morning is music. I was blessed this morning in that I woke up with my GK sleeping next to me so I snuggled down with her and was able to feel her relaxed body.
I love both my babies so much, but GK and I have something special. She is my sleeping pill and my Ativan. I woke her up with tickles and kisses and asked her a very important question in my mind. "Do you feel safe? Really safe?" And the answer was a sleepy "Yes". I then made my way into what is my kiddos shared bedroom. Opening the door I saw my bright-eyed boy still in bed but fully awake. I crawled, no, more climbed into his bed and snuggled with him for a bit and gave him the reassurance that he was safe and no harm would come to him again as long as I had anything to say about it. GK joined us..which Oma always says looks like a pile of puppies lumped all together. But the three of us love the closeness that we have gained now.
It is so very possible to become a non-haunted family. Knowing its a day to day, sometime minute to minute process, I take the moments and cherish the fact my children are happy, healthy and loved to the fullest extent of the word.
I am sure this isn't my last post. I know I have more to say. Just know that it is possible and attainable and happiness and safety are an option. I believe now.
I want to thank my mom for letting me be a guest blogger...or maybe I should thank her for allowing me to use her Ye Olde Crone's as my outlet. Yep its Shelley..the Mom behind the Grands, the Missing Generation.
Oma has blogged so much about the kids and their/our situation. Today, it is my turn. From a Mommy Perspective.
I woke up this morning before the butt crack of dawn (on my day off when I could have slept till half past the butt crack). I woke up with the realization that after a little more than a year, countless therapy hours, medication changes and sleepless nights, my babies are no longer haunted.
Now that is a double edged sword. To come to the realization that the haunting has ceased, I also had to have the flashes of why they became haunted. Why my son was deathly afraid of the sound of a flushing toilet. Why my beautiful daughter couldn't sleep on her own.
I played the pictures in my head of the look of dark circles under malnourished eyes in my head only to fast forward to happy healthy beautiful sparkling root beer colored eyes with clear skin. I also replayed some of my own terrors. Only to come to a conclusion that the sound of the joyous raucous laughter coming from my babies bed room on a Monday morning is music. I was blessed this morning in that I woke up with my GK sleeping next to me so I snuggled down with her and was able to feel her relaxed body.
I love both my babies so much, but GK and I have something special. She is my sleeping pill and my Ativan. I woke her up with tickles and kisses and asked her a very important question in my mind. "Do you feel safe? Really safe?" And the answer was a sleepy "Yes". I then made my way into what is my kiddos shared bedroom. Opening the door I saw my bright-eyed boy still in bed but fully awake. I crawled, no, more climbed into his bed and snuggled with him for a bit and gave him the reassurance that he was safe and no harm would come to him again as long as I had anything to say about it. GK joined us..which Oma always says looks like a pile of puppies lumped all together. But the three of us love the closeness that we have gained now.
It is so very possible to become a non-haunted family. Knowing its a day to day, sometime minute to minute process, I take the moments and cherish the fact my children are happy, healthy and loved to the fullest extent of the word.
I am sure this isn't my last post. I know I have more to say. Just know that it is possible and attainable and happiness and safety are an option. I believe now.
Advice from a 90 year old, just thought I'd share it with you.
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
This list includes things that may not be within my belief system but it is 99% pure wisdom anyway.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
This list includes things that may not be within my belief system but it is 99% pure wisdom anyway.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
From the ridiculous to the obscene..............
First I want to share a little known truth about me. I am a bitch. Oh, you knew that already????.....well good, then it will be no surprise to you. I am one of those woman who are proud of the fact that I am smart enough to be a bitch. I am in no way trying to put you lovelies in the middle. I am voicing, for the last time, an explanation and disgust which I am living through.
Silly woman, wimpy woman and vacuous woman aren't even capable of being bitches. Maybe they are the lucky ones. After all they don't get folks looking back at them with their veins sticking out of the necks and foreheads. But I digress.
I also have never been afraid to be a bitch. Now that does not mean that I go out of my way to be mean. That's different and totally unacceptable as a life choice. I've shared with you in the past that the one lesson that I absolutely have driven into my grands little pointy heads is that: "Nice Matters". But that does not mean that you let people wrong you, hurt you or mess with you just to avoid being strong and direct. Besides I love the saying...."you say bitch like it's a bad thing".
Intro complete, meat of the issue to present. I'm no longer going to beat around the bush, as they say, when it comes to speaking out against, stupid, wrong, lying, abusive and evil people. I will never disclose the actual full name of anyone that fits that category unless they force my hand. I will not back down to arrogant, lame, whiny, mean-spirited, hateful, self serving people who, unfortunately for my family, are related, thank the goddess, only by marriage as of this date. I also will not stoop to name calling so henceforth Paper Bag boy will forever be called by his title Son in Law, from whom my daughter is separated.
When SIL manipulated my loved ones, I bristled and was more attentive to the behaviors that indicate untruthfulness in action and deed. When SIL was neglectful of his adult responsibilities of providing a safe, secure, happy living environment for those I love, I was saddened and sickened by the lack of maturity and also lack of self respect. In his previous 3 unfaithful marriages he was "made to feel bad about himself", and his parents "belittled and made him feel bad about himself growing up". So I am sure that is his lives expectation. It's not that we did not see why he acted the way he acts, but hoped for better.
Dragging his wife and children to SC so that he could isolate them from us was a move on his part that both SM and I recognized as manipulative and self serving. We hoped for the best and also hoped he would grow up and keep a job, that this marriage would work out for him and that he would be able to provide for his family. Having only met his parents once, when they came for the wedding, I had unfortunately already experienced inappropriate behavior on the part of both of his parents. One tried to french kiss me and the other was drunk most of the time. That also reinforced his lack of moral role models.
So I therefore hoped that the good influence from my daughter and her strong will and love for SIL and the children would make a difference for all of them. But, we all were wrong and it has had a cost to all involved, that will forever be a part of my grands upbringing and makeup. I must interject here that I believe that even terrible things that happen to us if viewed as part of the bigger picture, enable us to achieve what we came here to do and be. This is facilitated by caring and nurturing olders who seek a higher truth. My grands would not be who they need to be in their lives, if they had not experienced pain. I have faith that they will indeed be lemonade makers extraordinaire, in spite of their ordeal.
The grands came to us fearful, wounded, insecure and confused. We just loved them. We never did any brain washing or back biting or bad talking. We just let them have a place to rest from 2 years of hell. And instead of wanting the best for the kids and seeing the improvement in their lives and attitude SIL wants it back the way it was. Ugly, depressing, hungry, hollow and fearful.
Okay, I have given you background. But let's go back to the part of me being a bitch. SIL read what I wrote to all of you yesterday. You lovelies, who do not know him or would want to and it hurt his feelings. He had another one of his famous huge ego pity parties for one. His rhetoric included so many pathetic statements and moanings but there is a wonderful part to this happening. Every time he lies, or tries to manipulate, or wants pity, or has one of his fits, or blames us for his failings.....he is cementing the loss of caring and respect from Shelley.
So in true bitch fashion....hey SIL, keep it up, because you are the cause of your own problems (always have been) and are digging a wonderful deep, dark hole for yourself. And the best part.....no one gives a big one. So rant, cry and whine on and wear your pity party hat. This will be the last time I post about your pathetic self. I will not waste my time or energy.
That's with 3 snaps and a head wag.
Silly woman, wimpy woman and vacuous woman aren't even capable of being bitches. Maybe they are the lucky ones. After all they don't get folks looking back at them with their veins sticking out of the necks and foreheads. But I digress.
I also have never been afraid to be a bitch. Now that does not mean that I go out of my way to be mean. That's different and totally unacceptable as a life choice. I've shared with you in the past that the one lesson that I absolutely have driven into my grands little pointy heads is that: "Nice Matters". But that does not mean that you let people wrong you, hurt you or mess with you just to avoid being strong and direct. Besides I love the saying...."you say bitch like it's a bad thing".
Intro complete, meat of the issue to present. I'm no longer going to beat around the bush, as they say, when it comes to speaking out against, stupid, wrong, lying, abusive and evil people. I will never disclose the actual full name of anyone that fits that category unless they force my hand. I will not back down to arrogant, lame, whiny, mean-spirited, hateful, self serving people who, unfortunately for my family, are related, thank the goddess, only by marriage as of this date. I also will not stoop to name calling so henceforth Paper Bag boy will forever be called by his title Son in Law, from whom my daughter is separated.
When SIL manipulated my loved ones, I bristled and was more attentive to the behaviors that indicate untruthfulness in action and deed. When SIL was neglectful of his adult responsibilities of providing a safe, secure, happy living environment for those I love, I was saddened and sickened by the lack of maturity and also lack of self respect. In his previous 3 unfaithful marriages he was "made to feel bad about himself", and his parents "belittled and made him feel bad about himself growing up". So I am sure that is his lives expectation. It's not that we did not see why he acted the way he acts, but hoped for better.
Dragging his wife and children to SC so that he could isolate them from us was a move on his part that both SM and I recognized as manipulative and self serving. We hoped for the best and also hoped he would grow up and keep a job, that this marriage would work out for him and that he would be able to provide for his family. Having only met his parents once, when they came for the wedding, I had unfortunately already experienced inappropriate behavior on the part of both of his parents. One tried to french kiss me and the other was drunk most of the time. That also reinforced his lack of moral role models.
So I therefore hoped that the good influence from my daughter and her strong will and love for SIL and the children would make a difference for all of them. But, we all were wrong and it has had a cost to all involved, that will forever be a part of my grands upbringing and makeup. I must interject here that I believe that even terrible things that happen to us if viewed as part of the bigger picture, enable us to achieve what we came here to do and be. This is facilitated by caring and nurturing olders who seek a higher truth. My grands would not be who they need to be in their lives, if they had not experienced pain. I have faith that they will indeed be lemonade makers extraordinaire, in spite of their ordeal.
The grands came to us fearful, wounded, insecure and confused. We just loved them. We never did any brain washing or back biting or bad talking. We just let them have a place to rest from 2 years of hell. And instead of wanting the best for the kids and seeing the improvement in their lives and attitude SIL wants it back the way it was. Ugly, depressing, hungry, hollow and fearful.
Okay, I have given you background. But let's go back to the part of me being a bitch. SIL read what I wrote to all of you yesterday. You lovelies, who do not know him or would want to and it hurt his feelings. He had another one of his famous huge ego pity parties for one. His rhetoric included so many pathetic statements and moanings but there is a wonderful part to this happening. Every time he lies, or tries to manipulate, or wants pity, or has one of his fits, or blames us for his failings.....he is cementing the loss of caring and respect from Shelley.
So in true bitch fashion....hey SIL, keep it up, because you are the cause of your own problems (always have been) and are digging a wonderful deep, dark hole for yourself. And the best part.....no one gives a big one. So rant, cry and whine on and wear your pity party hat. This will be the last time I post about your pathetic self. I will not waste my time or energy.
That's with 3 snaps and a head wag.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Introducing the Missing Generation.....
For those of you who have been following this blog as well as Olde Baggs n Stuft Shirts you know that my grands and their Momma moved in here with us in July 09. But what you don't know too much about is my beautiful, talented and loving daughter Shelley.
There is a reason for that. She is much more than the Mother of my Grands. She is much more than a loving daughter, she is one of my best friends. And being such, I have respected her privacy and her wishes when it came to blogging about her role in our household for the past 15 months. As a matter of fact she will be a guest blogger here by the end of the week. I am pumped. I am thrilled. I am relieved.
The kids and Shelley moved here because she could no longer allow her children to live without the basic necessities of life. After they arrived here I was, needless to say, pissed about how the man that had insisted that they had to leave New Mexico because no one here knew how to behave in an appropriate manner and he was taking them to South Carolina where his family was and the manners and people in SC were far superior to backward NM, would not keep a job long enough to provide basic things like food, shelter, clothing, safety, love for my family.
Even a minor explanation to you the reader and he would berate Shelley and drone on and on about my unfairness to him. He is such a very "small" man, not in height but heart. He wounded all three of them and then blamed it on us. Because we loved them enough to give them sanctuary. But because I love my daughter with my life, I would not say anything about him so that he would not cause problems for Shelley.......................but.........
Remember the sunshine I reported to ya'll last week? Well the light has reached every part of our lives and he can bitch til the cows come home and who gives a big one now.
So for all of you who know what it is like to be out from under the thumb of an abuser, rejoice with us. For those who are still there but need encouragement....stay tuned. And for you, Paper Bag Boy, if your reading this.....suck air.
There is a reason for that. She is much more than the Mother of my Grands. She is much more than a loving daughter, she is one of my best friends. And being such, I have respected her privacy and her wishes when it came to blogging about her role in our household for the past 15 months. As a matter of fact she will be a guest blogger here by the end of the week. I am pumped. I am thrilled. I am relieved.
The kids and Shelley moved here because she could no longer allow her children to live without the basic necessities of life. After they arrived here I was, needless to say, pissed about how the man that had insisted that they had to leave New Mexico because no one here knew how to behave in an appropriate manner and he was taking them to South Carolina where his family was and the manners and people in SC were far superior to backward NM, would not keep a job long enough to provide basic things like food, shelter, clothing, safety, love for my family.
Even a minor explanation to you the reader and he would berate Shelley and drone on and on about my unfairness to him. He is such a very "small" man, not in height but heart. He wounded all three of them and then blamed it on us. Because we loved them enough to give them sanctuary. But because I love my daughter with my life, I would not say anything about him so that he would not cause problems for Shelley.......................but.........
Remember the sunshine I reported to ya'll last week? Well the light has reached every part of our lives and he can bitch til the cows come home and who gives a big one now.
So for all of you who know what it is like to be out from under the thumb of an abuser, rejoice with us. For those who are still there but need encouragement....stay tuned. And for you, Paper Bag Boy, if your reading this.....suck air.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Kitchen Magic, just in time to amaze, confound and make ya scratch your noggin
I know that I saw this on someone's blog about two weeks ago....but in typical Oma style, I was busy doing something else and didn't write it down. That being said, please note that I have since gone onto the internet and found several others out there with instructions for this as well.
It takes alot to keep the attention of my family....we all must suffer from ADD in greater and lesser degrees, so when we spent more than 90 minutes glued to our chairs in the breakfast room with this project.....well it needs to be shared.
Items you will need are a rather large shallow bowl (not metal), milk (ours was 2%), food coloring, dish washing soap, and thin wooden sticks (we used paint brush ends but you could use skewers, small dowels, toothpicks etc).
Pour the milk into the shallow bowl, about 3/4" deep. Add at least two (we used all four) colors and then dip the very end of your wooden stick into dish soap. Place the dipped end of the skewer into the milk and watch what happens. Do not move the skewer around. Just let the "energy" move the colors.
With some of us the color ran away from us only to surface elsewhere in the bowl. For others, it was like it was rushing to us. And then for GK she made tidepools of different colors while making a design circle with all the colors. I only have two still pictures but I did get some of our activity on a video and I posted it on youtube. Check it out....it's really fun.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2VEKh3rKlY
It takes alot to keep the attention of my family....we all must suffer from ADD in greater and lesser degrees, so when we spent more than 90 minutes glued to our chairs in the breakfast room with this project.....well it needs to be shared.
Items you will need are a rather large shallow bowl (not metal), milk (ours was 2%), food coloring, dish washing soap, and thin wooden sticks (we used paint brush ends but you could use skewers, small dowels, toothpicks etc).
Pour the milk into the shallow bowl, about 3/4" deep. Add at least two (we used all four) colors and then dip the very end of your wooden stick into dish soap. Place the dipped end of the skewer into the milk and watch what happens. Do not move the skewer around. Just let the "energy" move the colors.
With some of us the color ran away from us only to surface elsewhere in the bowl. For others, it was like it was rushing to us. And then for GK she made tidepools of different colors while making a design circle with all the colors. I only have two still pictures but I did get some of our activity on a video and I posted it on youtube. Check it out....it's really fun.
I hope you will enjoy the video of the stinky shoe.....huh???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2VEKh3rKlY
Friday, October 15, 2010
We've kicked them to the curb
You sweet things have read your way through so much of my muck and mire. And also that of the grands and their awful trials at the hands of evil people in a place far, far away and to them another lifetime ago.
I've told you about our counseling, our hurts, our rants, our pain....now I want to share some sunshine with you. I know, it's about time, huh.
The focus for me for over a year has been the close proximity of RyLeigh's pain and my own. His counselor and the role playing that caused me such consternation. I just hated that every week he was, in a manner of speaking, reliving the abuse or at least the tone of the abuse. It used to take all week long just to get him back to a place where he was approaching "normal" again. And then circumstances took him out of counseling every week, vacations for the therapist, school things he couldn't miss, etc. And guess what? I had a real boy on my hands. He had time to get away from thinking about what had happened to him and he started living a real life.
The same thing for GK. She missed some sessions and there is a perceivable calm, well as much as kids give you, that has descended upon their lives. They are much more comfortable in their skin. Ergo.....me too.
SM and I were talking this morning and I told him it was my day to post something for the abuse/survivor group but I had nothing that I could draw upon because the pain isn't "available" anymore. Sucks to be me huh. I really would have to go to the bottom of the well and dredge it to pull something up and discuss it. And at this point, as much as I am dedicted to trying to help others who are in pain, I can't join in that pain.
So here's the good news. It happened. I have arrived on the other side of the road. I have kicked the stupid, evil to the curb and it is, for the time being because I am a realist, behind me, us.
We're in a really good place, having a really good time and so we are not even gonna wave at trouble, hurt or pain. Cuz we just kicked it to the curb.
Don't forget to join us in our fun at Olde Baggs and get a chance to win the Witchy Hat I made for you my dears. Tah....
I've told you about our counseling, our hurts, our rants, our pain....now I want to share some sunshine with you. I know, it's about time, huh.
The focus for me for over a year has been the close proximity of RyLeigh's pain and my own. His counselor and the role playing that caused me such consternation. I just hated that every week he was, in a manner of speaking, reliving the abuse or at least the tone of the abuse. It used to take all week long just to get him back to a place where he was approaching "normal" again. And then circumstances took him out of counseling every week, vacations for the therapist, school things he couldn't miss, etc. And guess what? I had a real boy on my hands. He had time to get away from thinking about what had happened to him and he started living a real life.
The same thing for GK. She missed some sessions and there is a perceivable calm, well as much as kids give you, that has descended upon their lives. They are much more comfortable in their skin. Ergo.....me too.
SM and I were talking this morning and I told him it was my day to post something for the abuse/survivor group but I had nothing that I could draw upon because the pain isn't "available" anymore. Sucks to be me huh. I really would have to go to the bottom of the well and dredge it to pull something up and discuss it. And at this point, as much as I am dedicted to trying to help others who are in pain, I can't join in that pain.
So here's the good news. It happened. I have arrived on the other side of the road. I have kicked the stupid, evil to the curb and it is, for the time being because I am a realist, behind me, us.
We're in a really good place, having a really good time and so we are not even gonna wave at trouble, hurt or pain. Cuz we just kicked it to the curb.
Don't forget to join us in our fun at Olde Baggs and get a chance to win the Witchy Hat I made for you my dears. Tah....
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Hey, ya gotta cough????....have I got something for you
First off, let me remind you that the Halloween story telling begins on Olde Baggs n Stuft Shirts today.
http://lindaomasoldebaggsnstuftshirts.blogspot.com/
My family has terrible allergies at this time of year. The spring is not nearly as rough on us as the fall. The grands and I seem to be the most affected and I have a sense that it may be because of the surrounding neighborhood flora. Sweet Man (Happy Birthday cutie) says he feels pretty good during the day but upon coming home the coughing starts. So for quite some time we have been trying just about every over the counter and natural cures we could find.
But we found the one that actually quiets the cough and lets a body sleep.
It sounds terrible but it's actually not so bad versus hacking a lung up at night. As a matter of fact, I think if I added some powdered celery and some granulated garlic it might make a great marinade........
Anti cough (or Auntie Cough? as Ry calls it, he said we don't have a relative named cough......oh that boy)
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1 tablespoon local honey
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons water
Put the ingredients in a small jar with a lid and shake it before you pour it out. It is best after it has set for at least 2 hours. The dose is 3 teaspoons just before bed. We have never had to get up and take another dose during the night. I also give it to the kids and myself before they leave for school.
I will grant you the heat is something to deal with (but only on your lips). And it has a sweet and sour taste to it. But this stuff works for us. So if you're of a mind, you might want to invite Auntie Cough over for a visit.
So bottom's up and here's to no coughing. Cheers.
http://lindaomasoldebaggsnstuftshirts.blogspot.com/
My family has terrible allergies at this time of year. The spring is not nearly as rough on us as the fall. The grands and I seem to be the most affected and I have a sense that it may be because of the surrounding neighborhood flora. Sweet Man (Happy Birthday cutie) says he feels pretty good during the day but upon coming home the coughing starts. So for quite some time we have been trying just about every over the counter and natural cures we could find.
But we found the one that actually quiets the cough and lets a body sleep.
It sounds terrible but it's actually not so bad versus hacking a lung up at night. As a matter of fact, I think if I added some powdered celery and some granulated garlic it might make a great marinade........
Anti cough (or Auntie Cough? as Ry calls it, he said we don't have a relative named cough......oh that boy)
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1 tablespoon local honey
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons water
Put the ingredients in a small jar with a lid and shake it before you pour it out. It is best after it has set for at least 2 hours. The dose is 3 teaspoons just before bed. We have never had to get up and take another dose during the night. I also give it to the kids and myself before they leave for school.
I will grant you the heat is something to deal with (but only on your lips). And it has a sweet and sour taste to it. But this stuff works for us. So if you're of a mind, you might want to invite Auntie Cough over for a visit.
So bottom's up and here's to no coughing. Cheers.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I should like to invite you to a party
http://afancifultwist.typepad.com/a_fanciful_twist/2010/09/a-magical-and-perfectly-enchanted-halloween-party-revealed.html
Please stop by and see us, act out our self written adventure of Princess Magisyen Nan Robo, the Sorceress of Spiders and her traveling companion Grumete Scheepsjongen as they search for the missing Royal spider Spinella Mokkara. I promise you won't be disappointed. http://lindaomasoldebaggsnstuftshirts.blogspot.com/
I am also having a giveaway for this Witch's hat. So don't miss your change to show off your witchatude. All that is required is that you leave a comment Thursday, Friday or Saturday at Olde Baggs. The winner will be drawn on Sunday October 17th. Comment on all three days and get 3 chances and if you become a follower, I will enter your name 2 extra times. Post on your blog and I will enter your name 3 extra times........thanks.
See you at the party.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Computer gals to the rescue
I know the rest of you are so far better at this computering than I am. I also know that when someone can explain things to me in a way I can understand, I can do just about anything.
I have found two mentors in this area and thought that today I would share both of them with you.
I already told you about 1st Floor Flat http://1stfloorflat.blogspot.com/2010/10/mad-world.html and the wonderful Susie who has saved my bacon innumerable times. She has so many wonderful ideas, backgrounds and is very sweet.
The other blog is Plumrose Lane http://www.plumroselane.com/ Ms. Sharon just taught this old dog the trick I needed so that you all could holler back at me on my email. Yay. I know you are all out there saying duh, Linda it was in your settings. And I would have to say, well so????????????? I couldn't find it cuz I'm a computer dummie.
Anyway, it's nice to know people who are willing to answer even idiot questions with style and grace and Suzie and Sharon both have both.
I can only aspire to someday, somewhere, someone saying....hey that Linda she sure is saavy.....but I'm not holding my breath. tee hee
I have found two mentors in this area and thought that today I would share both of them with you.
I already told you about 1st Floor Flat http://1stfloorflat.blogspot.com/2010/10/mad-world.html and the wonderful Susie who has saved my bacon innumerable times. She has so many wonderful ideas, backgrounds and is very sweet.
The other blog is Plumrose Lane http://www.plumroselane.com/ Ms. Sharon just taught this old dog the trick I needed so that you all could holler back at me on my email. Yay. I know you are all out there saying duh, Linda it was in your settings. And I would have to say, well so????????????? I couldn't find it cuz I'm a computer dummie.
Anyway, it's nice to know people who are willing to answer even idiot questions with style and grace and Suzie and Sharon both have both.
I can only aspire to someday, somewhere, someone saying....hey that Linda she sure is saavy.....but I'm not holding my breath. tee hee
Friday, October 8, 2010
Saint Osith (Osgith, Osyth) Day, a holy NO
I read another blog about this little known British saint today and so did some investigation. I guess it was the part about her being forced into marriage that got me interested in her. After reading several accounts of her life (none of them agree on any part of her life), I gleaned a simpler version of her. She was forced to marry man for political reasons. Now that is not necessarily an oddity in the age in which she lived 800 ACE. She was schooled in a convent school, was a princess, forced to marry a king of another province, after having given this king an, heir, declared her celibacy, founded an abbey and was martyred at the hands of Viking invaders.
Now what does that have to do with me, you ask? The only shred of commonality I have with Osith is that I too was forced into marrying someone I did not want to marry. I am sure that many woman have found themselves in that predicament. I know many woman who married out of lust, greed, convenience, necessity and some like me had mother's who couldn't bear that their daughter had gotten pregnant out of wedlock. And besides what were the neighbor's gonna think?
Yes, I suppose if I had had the ability to say anything to my Mother during that period of my life, I could have formed the word, No. But I had been trained at an early age not to argue or go against what my parents told me, including but not limited to the telling of "secrets". So when I committed the ugly sin of fornication and got myself pregnant.....well there was not saying No as an alternative to my Mother expecting me to marry a guy that was less than caring. I cried all the way down the aisle, not because I was happy or excited about the day but because I just didn't want my wedding day to be such a farce. Sorta like the scene from Ever After where the Spanish princess weeps at the kneeling rail as Cinderella prince laughs hysterically. That was me.....bawling my eyes out.
I don't think he wanted to marry me any more than I wanted to marry him but in 1970....it was still the "right" thing to do. Right for who....the child who would never know love between her parents, the stupid kids who experimented with lust and it backfired, the parents who had to fork out money on a joyous event and then hope no one would count on their fingers and figure it out?
No. Now there is a word all abuse victims have a battle with. No, I won't. No, I can't. No, you can't. No just No. Getting married to someone who does not hold you on the highest pedestal in the world is just wrong. Luckily my first marriage did not last long and my Sweet Man came along and I was found and could say yes, in so many ways.
St. Osith is the patron saint of the No. She told her husband No and then went into a convent.
There is not one shred of historical evidence she even existed but I'll let her have her day today and hope someone who hasn't the nerve to say no, can, and will. That's what these Networked blogs on Friday are all about....empowering others with real life stories from people who overcame abuse or negative situations.
Now what does that have to do with me, you ask? The only shred of commonality I have with Osith is that I too was forced into marrying someone I did not want to marry. I am sure that many woman have found themselves in that predicament. I know many woman who married out of lust, greed, convenience, necessity and some like me had mother's who couldn't bear that their daughter had gotten pregnant out of wedlock. And besides what were the neighbor's gonna think?
Yes, I suppose if I had had the ability to say anything to my Mother during that period of my life, I could have formed the word, No. But I had been trained at an early age not to argue or go against what my parents told me, including but not limited to the telling of "secrets". So when I committed the ugly sin of fornication and got myself pregnant.....well there was not saying No as an alternative to my Mother expecting me to marry a guy that was less than caring. I cried all the way down the aisle, not because I was happy or excited about the day but because I just didn't want my wedding day to be such a farce. Sorta like the scene from Ever After where the Spanish princess weeps at the kneeling rail as Cinderella prince laughs hysterically. That was me.....bawling my eyes out.
I don't think he wanted to marry me any more than I wanted to marry him but in 1970....it was still the "right" thing to do. Right for who....the child who would never know love between her parents, the stupid kids who experimented with lust and it backfired, the parents who had to fork out money on a joyous event and then hope no one would count on their fingers and figure it out?
No. Now there is a word all abuse victims have a battle with. No, I won't. No, I can't. No, you can't. No just No. Getting married to someone who does not hold you on the highest pedestal in the world is just wrong. Luckily my first marriage did not last long and my Sweet Man came along and I was found and could say yes, in so many ways.
St. Osith is the patron saint of the No. She told her husband No and then went into a convent.
There is not one shred of historical evidence she even existed but I'll let her have her day today and hope someone who hasn't the nerve to say no, can, and will. That's what these Networked blogs on Friday are all about....empowering others with real life stories from people who overcame abuse or negative situations.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
putting one foot in front of the other..............
I am not complaining but reporting.
I did go to the specialist about my "pneumonia". It was what I would catagorize as the second worse doctoring abuse I have ever been subjected to, the first being the time I had a chemical stress test for my heart and my heart stopped. But that's not today's topic.
The pulmonary specialist said:
1. I do not have pneumonia, I do not have COPD.
2. My "colds" or sinus infections have been caused by allergies
And so with my bare face hanging out I asked, what can I do to not be sick this often?
3. You can move away from ABQ.
I must have looked like I didn't understand what he had just said because he said
4. I can't help you with that difficulty. And then he sort of laughed.
Inside my head I'm thinking.......Okay. And why did I come here? to be insulted, to have this jerk just dismiss my feeling like crap for 8 months, to sit here and have to listen to him tell me to move away in order to avoid the allergens and act like he is actually helping me in any way, shape or form?
I said that I was very glad that I now had the information that I didn't have COPD but that my lungs and breathing were very affected and that I wasn't clear why he was being as dismissive as he was.
I swear he then asked me if I was actually questioning him.
And quite frankly, I lost it. I said many words that I should not have used on a living human but I walked out feeling like it is the first time in my life that I had the last word, even if it was a stinker word, at the Doctor's office. And the co-pay was really worth it.
And I'm not sure why, but I am feeling lots better (now don't start writing and telling me yeah but you need to find out what's going on cuz I know that, honest). Must be the adrenaline high from telling someone with a God complex to F*=# themselves. Olde Bagg scores and lives to torment again.
I did go to the specialist about my "pneumonia". It was what I would catagorize as the second worse doctoring abuse I have ever been subjected to, the first being the time I had a chemical stress test for my heart and my heart stopped. But that's not today's topic.
The pulmonary specialist said:
1. I do not have pneumonia, I do not have COPD.
2. My "colds" or sinus infections have been caused by allergies
And so with my bare face hanging out I asked, what can I do to not be sick this often?
3. You can move away from ABQ.
I must have looked like I didn't understand what he had just said because he said
4. I can't help you with that difficulty. And then he sort of laughed.
Inside my head I'm thinking.......Okay. And why did I come here? to be insulted, to have this jerk just dismiss my feeling like crap for 8 months, to sit here and have to listen to him tell me to move away in order to avoid the allergens and act like he is actually helping me in any way, shape or form?
I said that I was very glad that I now had the information that I didn't have COPD but that my lungs and breathing were very affected and that I wasn't clear why he was being as dismissive as he was.
I swear he then asked me if I was actually questioning him.
And quite frankly, I lost it. I said many words that I should not have used on a living human but I walked out feeling like it is the first time in my life that I had the last word, even if it was a stinker word, at the Doctor's office. And the co-pay was really worth it.
And I'm not sure why, but I am feeling lots better (now don't start writing and telling me yeah but you need to find out what's going on cuz I know that, honest). Must be the adrenaline high from telling someone with a God complex to F*=# themselves. Olde Bagg scores and lives to torment again.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Peek a Boo, stalker report
Okay so you all know that I am not the sharpest crayon in the box when it comes to computering. Well maybe you didn't know but you do now.
I am so naive when it comes to all seven of the deadly sins except gluttony and my butt proves that to be the case....and maybe a side order of greed, but other than that I am always a little surprised when people start screwing with my life and I don't even know it. I am not a goodie two shoes, in fact I seldom wear any shoes, but damn it, keep your eyes, hands and minds out of my pictures world. And that means you too Google and Picasa.
Every picture that you download to Blogger is stored on Picasa....and unless you change the settings on your account, which if you are like me you didn't even know you had, every weird and malace filled human out there can take your pictures, personal pictures....ick, phoooey, crap and oh damn.
Go to Susie's blog 1st Floor Flat http://1stfloorflat.blogspot.com/ and follow her tutorial and make your pictures private....hurry up now....somebody can use your stuff and call it their own or worse. Now scoot and be well.
I am so naive when it comes to all seven of the deadly sins except gluttony and my butt proves that to be the case....and maybe a side order of greed, but other than that I am always a little surprised when people start screwing with my life and I don't even know it. I am not a goodie two shoes, in fact I seldom wear any shoes, but damn it, keep your eyes, hands and minds out of my pictures world. And that means you too Google and Picasa.
Every picture that you download to Blogger is stored on Picasa....and unless you change the settings on your account, which if you are like me you didn't even know you had, every weird and malace filled human out there can take your pictures, personal pictures....ick, phoooey, crap and oh damn.
Go to Susie's blog 1st Floor Flat http://1stfloorflat.blogspot.com/ and follow her tutorial and make your pictures private....hurry up now....somebody can use your stuff and call it their own or worse. Now scoot and be well.
Friday, October 1, 2010
More letters...........
I just had some additional thoughts to share on the letter writing.
I have written letters to people who have ravaged my heart, my body and my head. I used to be more confrontational (hard to believe I know) and went to the person and said my piece. But, upon entering a different mind set, I realized that nothing I said to or about the perpetrator would have an effect on them but would rather keep it ever present for me and I would have to deal with the guilt of the ugly scene. And so with the writing it down, I let go of some of the feelings.
Anger is a double edged sword, it cuts both ways. But for me, the feelings after the confrontation were as debilitating as the event itself so I have learned to systematically address my grievances on paper rather than in person. Most all of these "feeling letters" have been torn up or burned or put back to ponder with my head not my heart.
That's not to say that there aren't some deserving candidates of my wrath still on the waiting list. Persons who have done something to someone I love will someday dread my foot falls.......and be the targets of my ire.
But in the mean time I have literally written off most everyone in my life who brought harm to me. The power I feel from being in control of my head and mouth is a real kick. Oh, I can be tripped up on some stupid, rude, mindless event but I am talking about the life altering events. I am in control of me. I have let "them" have it with the almighty pen and I am satisfied that I have reached an ending.
I won't ever be able to forget but I don't think that I should. And forgiveness isn't even an option that I will consider except for myself and my feelings of guilt when there never needed to be those feelings. I wasted alot of time trying to be and feel like others thought I should and now know it is all up to me. Everything, without exception, that has occurred in my life makes me who I am, a lover of good hearted people, a defender of those who can't and a friend to many who want kinship and understanding.
So many of you shared your "writing it down's". Thanks for your generosity in sharing part of yourself. Writing it down whether in a journal or a grocery list, or a pristine page (which is pretty scary at times) is a super tool to relieve some of your feelings.
I hope each of you will be well and have a super weekend.
I have written letters to people who have ravaged my heart, my body and my head. I used to be more confrontational (hard to believe I know) and went to the person and said my piece. But, upon entering a different mind set, I realized that nothing I said to or about the perpetrator would have an effect on them but would rather keep it ever present for me and I would have to deal with the guilt of the ugly scene. And so with the writing it down, I let go of some of the feelings.
Anger is a double edged sword, it cuts both ways. But for me, the feelings after the confrontation were as debilitating as the event itself so I have learned to systematically address my grievances on paper rather than in person. Most all of these "feeling letters" have been torn up or burned or put back to ponder with my head not my heart.
That's not to say that there aren't some deserving candidates of my wrath still on the waiting list. Persons who have done something to someone I love will someday dread my foot falls.......and be the targets of my ire.
But in the mean time I have literally written off most everyone in my life who brought harm to me. The power I feel from being in control of my head and mouth is a real kick. Oh, I can be tripped up on some stupid, rude, mindless event but I am talking about the life altering events. I am in control of me. I have let "them" have it with the almighty pen and I am satisfied that I have reached an ending.
I won't ever be able to forget but I don't think that I should. And forgiveness isn't even an option that I will consider except for myself and my feelings of guilt when there never needed to be those feelings. I wasted alot of time trying to be and feel like others thought I should and now know it is all up to me. Everything, without exception, that has occurred in my life makes me who I am, a lover of good hearted people, a defender of those who can't and a friend to many who want kinship and understanding.
So many of you shared your "writing it down's". Thanks for your generosity in sharing part of yourself. Writing it down whether in a journal or a grocery list, or a pristine page (which is pretty scary at times) is a super tool to relieve some of your feelings.
I hope each of you will be well and have a super weekend.
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