a question and answer forum.....for the time being. All things change and become something else if there is growth even Olde Baggs.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Writing a letter

My very dear friend's Mother just died. I would use the term past away but I just can't bring myself to phrase it that way. That is probably because I worked in the funeral industry for years and heard all kinds of phrasiology for death.

Not physically being able to attend to her Mother's memorial service is very painful for her as it would be for any of us. My advice to my friend was to write a letter to her Mother about her feelings.

We all have been faced with this reality and the loss of any loved one is hard and complex in the way we face it. Along with the stages of grief is the need to have closure and that is different for each of us. Some are able to move through and beyond grief quickly while others have a more difficult road to hoe when it comes to letting go. All are acceptable and needed, it just depends on where the mourner is at that time.

I have found in my 6 decades on this planet, that in order for me to shut the door on painful situations, I have a need to write my feelings down and then let the feelings go. I know this technique does not work for everyone but I have always found comfort in seeing the "hurt" in words and then either burning it, shredding it or in some cases mailing it to myself (this technique gives me time to let go).

Advise is not directive.  When something has worked for me, I pass that information forward in hopes that I can spare someone else discomfort. It may not be what works for you but peace is something we all seek.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Life when you least expect it..................

I have been sickly again. I'm not complaining, just informational ya'll. This is my third bout with "pneumonia" in less than 8 months. Well to be perfectly honest with you, I don't think so, I mean the diagnosis.

You all know that I hate...shame on my name, doctors. I don't exactly have a deep respect for their occupation.....because I believe for many, they are just going through the motions....not called to healing as a passion. At least the ones I have come into contact with lately.

When I was a kid, my Mother was always taking me to the doctor. I think she had a crush on him and that's why the Munchhausen thing. Well not full blown but I sure as hell had a lot of penicillin shots and ear checks and even a tonsillectomy and metabolism tests for a kid who was not sick much. The D.O. we saw was a newbie and I was his first cesarean section baby so there ya go.

Anyway, I am slightly more that disgusted with my state of health and will be going to see a pulmonary specialist. My call not the doctor's. It was my suggestion based on my recent history. Heck, they would have let me continue to come in and get antibiotics and steroids until somebodies cows come home. When I made the request for a referral.....it was like she was a goose and this was a brand new day. Oh yeah, says she, that might be a good idea? Right then I wanted to share an email with her that a friend shared with me. Even the calendar knows my thoughts after Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, WTF.

Venting ya'll, not anything important.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

When the counselor needs counseling..............

I will forever be grateful to all the couselors, be they trained or born to be, who have saved my bacon. I owe a lot to these people who have listened, repeated so that I could hear my own words, recommended, let me figure it out, pointed me in a healthier direction, put me in a position to look in the mirror and see what I am and just plain put up with me. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I appreciate the efforts of all who would help

and then there are those that have found it necessary to correct, coerce, control and condemn.

I am absolutely sure at this spot in the road in my life that I have seen almost every kind of therapist, good, bad, indifferent, concerned, committed and those that should be.

It isn't for myself that I am making any comments. I feel like I have come to the conclusions and acted upon my own needed cleansings. It is for the others that I love that I am stating this, my own opinion.

Sometimes, help isn't help if it has strings. Sometimes, comfort is not comfortable if it has a price other than monetary. Sometimes, when you know in your gut, that it just isn't worth the cost of your well being, that you have to shut that door and be open to another door opening. Doing that for yourself is one thing, it is an entirely different kettle of fish when it is for someone else.

What do you think? Isn't manipulation, manipulation no matter what? Isn't using someone for your own purposes inately wrong? Be it in a clinical setting or a life setting?

Standing idlely by and watching loved ones going through something you think you have the answer for but they are not in a place where they can hear or heed your advice is the most frustrating place in the world. The old rock and a hard place thing.

I will keep on "being there" and watch for the opening to advise when it is appropriate. I should like to think that that is the way to handle this situation. Telling someone what to do is not giving advice but dictating and I gave that T shirt away some time ago.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Upon this Mabontide

flickr photo
Celestial balance.....that is what is heralded at the coming of the Fall Equinox. The day and the night are balanced in time. The season of second harvest is at hand. The air is charged with hearth and home and coming into the richness of the gathering time.

The animals took notice of the changing season and have moved to preparation time. The plants have started the same with gathering of the sugars of their leaves into the main part of the plant.

Mabon is a time of gathering and collecting ourselves in preparation for what is to come at the close of the year. Be ready. That is what the sun, moon, and earth are telling the northern hemisphere.

Fall is the gathering in as Spring is the letting loose. Fall is controlled chaos, Spring is wild abandon. I love the teeter totter of ways of Gaia. Always an opposite to show the balance of all things. For me, there is security in that.

There is knowledge that comes with observation. I envy those that came before us and had the "farmers almanac" lifestyle in their hearts and minds. Those of you that live closer to the earth, in the countryside are closer and more mindful than the city dwellers to the signs and nature's signals of what is happening as the seasons change. That is another reason that I am thankful for my connectionality to all of you in blogdom. I am afforded not only my own view of the world but yours as well. We are richer for our relationships, that is the harvest I am the most grateful for at this time. The harvest of expanded knowledge, friendship, commaradery and sharing.

Thank you all for being my harvest and my blessings.

Friday, September 17, 2010

a little bird told me.........

I like so many females my age have fond rememberances of the little forest animals in the Walt Disney cartoon presentation of Sleeping Beauty. The little bluebirds in both SB and in Cinderella are my particular favorites. I always felt like the birds should come and land on my fingers and sing with me like they did with Cinderella. Or sit on the window sill and tell me all there was to know as in SB. I thought they were especially dear.

When I was 3, the little birds chirped at me in what I thought was a dream. They told me to run. But I couldn't.

When I was 6 and going to Catholic school and the nuns spanked me because I would not eat what was on my plate and told the other girls not to play with me and did inappropriate things to my person, the little birds told me not to cry, I could be brave. But I wasn't.

When I was 13 and a neighbor boy did things to me that I did not want him to do and told all the neighborhood that he had, the little birds told me not to cry, I should tell. But I didn't.

When I was in college, the little birds chirped loudly but I couldn't or wouldn't listen and I was sad and ashamed of who I was and of my behavior and the little birds told me, I could change. But I didn't.

When my first husband was cruel, unfaithful and hateful, the little birds told me to leave with the baby, at first I couldn't...but I did eventually.

When I reaquainted myself with Sweet Man, who is afraid of birds, the little birds told me I was safe and to stay and heal, and I did.

When the truth of my beginning hurt that came at the hands of my father came back from inside the dream, I was surprised that the little birds had taken care of me and loved me, even when I couldn't and the little birds told to me let go, but I couldn't.

I spent several years trying to sort out all the messages from the birds about my life and what had happened to me. The messages that I had "shelved" in places inside myself I didn't even know existed except in nightmares. And when I was brave enough to face the truth, the little birds told me I could be strong and I am (most of the time).

Now all of you know that my grands have had awful experiences in their young lives and that it is probably one of the reasons why I was destined to live the life I did, so that I could be equipped to handle and help them with the awful deeds done to them and the hurt feelings they have. I won't say that I don't wish that all of this, for all of us, would just miraculously go away. Because some days it just seems too much to bear. But the little birds have never let me down and I know that my grands also have a purpose to fulfill with what has occurred to them. They must also be the persons they were born to be. And I choose to believe that some good will come from their facing their truths and growing up strong, informed and armed to deal with what is out there in the world.

But a little bird told me that there have been others hurt the same way, by the same people as my grands and the little birds have told me to be strong, brave and not run. How could I turn away from this and live with myself? How can I not be sickened, outraged and yes, vengeful? I can separate what happened to me from what has happened to these innocents. I am a strong intellegent woman with compassion and brass balls.

And so, with pure unadulterated purpose, the little birds told me to share this with you, and so I have. And this will not be the only arena where this information will be shared. I will bet, at least part of my brass on that.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The fairytale express.......

I find it interesting that a little fairy tale could cause such a ruckus. There are folks out there who want me to stop my fairy tales. Not gonna happen.
There are folks out there who want the further adventures of the lecher and his spawn. There's a whole lot of fodder for blogging out there trust me.
And there are those who contacted me personally to comment and let me know how they felt.

So let me once again let all of you readers know.....
This is the blog where I deal with issues, mine mostly but on occasion I have a political moment or two.

If you would rather not have to read about abuse issues then I would love it if you would join me on my other blog where I talk about family, friends, recipes and generally the light hearted side of my insane life.........
http://lindaomasoldebaggsnstuftshirts.blogspot.com/ or you might want to join me on my things I made blog at http://practicallymagickal.blogspot.com/

I certainly do not want anyone to feel uncomfortable or queasy. So if what I talk about here is not your cuppa then join me on my others.....cuz I'd miss you if you were gone away.

Friday, September 10, 2010

This will be a once upon a time tale to protect the guilty

Once upon a time, there was a heartless, soulless, letcher who preyed on anyone who would allow it and some who tried to not allow it.

This letcher was protected by his family at all costs. This letcher produced offspring letchers who learned from the hands and other body parts of the master letcher. Who, for all purposes, probably also learned from some older perv. They learned their lessons well.

The family legacy was heinous and ugly. Many innocents were used by this family of lying creatures. Some by contact, some by connection, some just by standing by and allowing the letcher and his spawn to continue the evil they perpetrated on the innocents.

But Karma raised her lovely head and dealt the letcher a terrible punishment. The letcher loved to chase balls with a stick through the greens and roughs. But because the letcher wasn't very good at the game the roughs called to him more and more. Finally, one day, a rough called to him and he had to crawl through it to find his missing ball.

As the letcher was hacking his impatient way throught the underbrush, his stick hit a yellowjacket nest and Karma whispers, "bite him everywhere you can my warriors". The yellowjackets listened well and the letcher had to go to the hospital with bites to parts all over his ugly old letcherous body.

Tee Hee says I, but the happily ever after is that Karma ain't finished yet.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I'm gonna make a political statement......hide your eyes??????????

Lovelies, I don't usually "go there" but I cannot not say something about the threat being posed on the US by a very misguided and I have read others say "evil" man.

What kind of fool child is this man who is going to burn the Quran to commemorate the horror of 9-11? Does he not expect that someone is gonna get equally upset and retaliate? No, I guess not. Interpol just issued a warning that the possibility is very high that there will be a "terrorist backlash" to this action. A big fat duh.

Timothy McVay, took his personal interpretation, readings of the Bible, to heart, and carried out a heinous terrorist act in Oklahoma City, did you see any book burning then?

Being an extremist in any way makes no sense to me. Do we Americans, who survived both of these tragedies, not think that some of the victims were Jewish, Pagan, Buddhist, Muslim, Native American or do we think everyone went to Sunday go to meeting and were all of that bent. HELLO. I am not in favor of rubbing any persons nose in shame, I'll leave that to others who are so much better at it than I am but I will say...change the channel here WTF is blaring some strange stuff. And this idiot pastor (my own opinion) will have retribution rain down on innocents again. And this is in the name of what??????

Will burning any book make the thought, belief system, practice of said religion or misinterpretation of the writings of the any book of faith go away?????? yeah in lala land. This guy says he'll cease and desist
if he gets a call from Pres. Obama, Head of Joint Chiefs, or Homeland Security. Does that give you his heart motive.....can we all say publicity. Well, with politically correctness in force, they have all issued statements but this idiot is still waiting for a phone call, ya'll. My humble advice, pick up the phone and call this bastard off. okay????

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A side on the Ry front....

Please don't think I was complaining about Ry. Would be akin to spittin' into the wind.

I was just updating you on our latest insanity. Bless his pointed head. What's that old saying??? "If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have not luck at all". Well we need to generate some positive ju-ju for the little donkey. He has all the effects of the Mercury retrograde having had it's way with him. And we are ready for the very good stuff. (Remember he is my birthday twin, so we are both effected by similar celestial happenings).

New Moon, come on bring the good stuff. We're more than ready. Although this morning at breakfast...little snark said a very normal "male" thing. I asked him what he was thinking about because he had this far way look in his eye and he said (I swear some of you will get this instantly. Mainly the one's who have been married for awhile) "nothing". And I asked him where he learned to think about nothing, sorta a Zen question huh? Donkey answered.....at school.

And the thing is, I believe him. Having come from a school where he was warehoused for an entire school year with severely affected youngsters.....I can believe he learned to think about lots of nothing. But not now......now he is at, as he calls it, regular school. Game on Donkey. The thinking will begin.

Another aside. I was reading this post to Sweet Man (sorry Holly) and when I got to the part about "what he was thinking about"....SM answered (I swear on GK's soul) "NOTHING".
And ya'll wonder why I am as scary crazy as I am.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Well he's done it again and I am at a place where it is beyond belief......oh yeah we are talking about Ry

Hey, I'd love to report that all is calm on the western front, but that would be a big fat lie.

The 6 year old, born to make me crazy, boy who resides here with the rest of us peasants got cleared by his eye surgeon on Friday. The news is even better than expected. He now has depth perception. That means he can now see the ball coming towards him and will have a chance to play, like most of the rest of the little boys his age.

Now comes the other shoe drop. After getting the great news....the little donkey was jumping on the bed and fell and broke the same wrist in the same place that he broke last year before they came to live with us. Ride on donkey. Last year, while still in South Carolina, he fell off of a bunk bed and broke it.

The after hours pediatric practice that saw him couldn't set his wrist but referred him to Carrie Tingley Pediatric Hospital but the casting department was closed until today. Now guess how easy it was to once again keep the little donkey quiet, leave the splint alone and comfortable, all very, very long weekend? Judas Priest.

This kid has been to school 2 days, has surgery. Stays home for a week, changes schools and attends his new school for 3 days, gets good news, breaks his wrist, tortures all of us all weekend long with removing his brace numerous times and will finally go to school tomorrow with a bright red cast on his arm. I know, I am telling myself BREATHE.


Here is a picture of the little donkey and a real little donkey taken this weekend as we went for an extended drive yesterday so his Mother didn't eat him, oh yeah his sister too.
donkey to donkey

Friday, September 3, 2010

Really opening up your eyes to what surrounds you....

I am trying out a new pair of attitude glasses. Not really a pair of actual glasses but a new approach to viewing what is around me. I am afraid that I have missed alot of important moments as of late. Or maybe not missed them but just overlooked them. Sorta like skimming when you read. You hit all the high points but miss the actual instructions.

The other day I received an email letting me know I had won yet another giveaway. I didn't even remember entering another giveaway. When I went back and really read the information, I had in fact because of my participation in an event been entered to win some really cute things. And in fact had won something great. But the point is, I missed it, completely.

So, being who I am, I started questioning what else am I missing by just participating in live at a "dip your toe" depth. And I am sorry to say that I am missing alot. I kinda listen, sorta care, barely attend and have lost site of lots of the things that happen that hold importance in a human being's life......if lived fully. I need to be in attendance more fully on so many levels.

The afore mentioned winning is not the only indicator, but what is happening in my bloggie friends lives, how I am not participating in my community, how I have lost track of what I desire, and I know I know why. I am reliving to a greater or lesser degree the kind of shut down of spirit that happens with many people who suffer chronic pain. I'm not talking about arthritis or fibromyalgia but chronic emotional pain.

As hard as it is for some of you and how easy it is for others to grasp, I, even at 61 have not gotten over some of the childhood abuse that I was dealt. I have gotten down the road, blocked some out of my memory, filed some away in a file named "fish heads" and tried to ignore and "be mature" about alot of it. I have faced more in the last 6 months than in the 50 something years before. Now I am not bringing this up for any other reason than to stare it in the face and say, I still need an attitude adjustment. Even if most of my abusers are dead, the abuse still has life. Even though I am an old broad, the little girl in me is still upset. Even though I have been able to heal so very much as of late, there is still the "fish head" file that needs to be cleaned up and filed permanently filed away.

I just read blogs from two others who have travelled similar roads and paths. I had been avoiding "feeling" for someone else because of my everyday in my face realizations with Ry. I sometimes feel like I just can't take anymore pain. But instead of worse, I feel free after reading someone else's story. This island that Ry and Gerea and I live on is bigger, deeper, wider and more populated than I see some days and so that's why I need to put on my more involved, more caring, more sharing glasses and let the attitude adjustment take over.

I appreciate all of you for reading, even if some of you go screaming into the night or shake your head and say, "again"?. I know that some like me take little pieces of whatever is discussed and do something else with it. You are wise and wonderful my lovelies, much love, The Olde Bagg