I am going to take my winning another giveaway as a good sign.....

I have been being very good about not over doing, taking my meds, and trying to stay calm. All things that the Dr. said would help my getting over this crud. That and lots of water are to do the trick.

But I have to tell you that well wishes from special people online, a fruit basket with tea, chocolate, candies, crackers, fruit and a flower arrangement on top from my buddy Verna...the woman who found me my new special monster dog and the news that I had won yet another giveaway from Donna at So Dark So Cute http://sodarksocute.blogspot.com/2010/08/lucky-giveaway-winners-are.html and a new blog award from Nydia at Bringing Up Salamanders http://bringingupsalamanders.blogspot.com/2010/07/blessed-lammas-imbolc-and-someone.html has lifted my spirits completely.

I'm hoping for the best and expecting the best too. That's a change for me.

I also had a visit from my SIL and my nephew from Colorado Springs yesterday. Wow that was a shocker. I have only seen them once since my Mom passed away and it was nice to catch up on them. A long time ago neighbor friend of my brother's passed away this last week and Wanda and Tim came down for the funeral and so decided to drop in. Gerea was at the top of her game and danced and entertained them....she cracks me up.

So all in all, I'm doing pretty good for an old broad with another go around with the crud.

Okay, so what is the speed of dark?????

I just can't resist this guys humor....

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.   Stephen Wright

Another gem to ponder.....

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.  Stephen Wright

A point of view

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance.  Anonymous

I couldn't stop crying..........

Sometimes in life, on several occasions as a matter of record, I surprise myself to the point of shock. I think I know how I feel about something and it turns out that I am or have been rendered clueless.

My Mother, with whom I had a delicately balanced relationship of mutual "let's talk around the elephant in the middle of the room", died some 8 years ago. She, most all of my life, suffered from one malady or another. First I blamed that on the fact that she kinda had a crush on her DO. He had delivered me and was a very kind and demonstrative man in her life. 

Then she really did have some physical ailments, like the time she poisoned herself with rose food which had bug killer mixed in. She worked all day on her 35 rose bushes and I found her twitching like a "bug" on the ground. She stayed in the hospital for several days that time....after that it was one thing right after another. She had a fool for a surgeon who removed her gall bladder but left stones in her and she became septic. Or when her lungs collapsed and she was in coronary distress. She had her children "gather around her" at these illness times and quite frankly held court and enjoyed the attention.

So I after 40 something years of hearing her cry wolf, be on deaths door, I had become accustomed to hurried trips to the hospital only to be sent home for lack of a true crisis. And also throw in the crys of suicide from the time I was in my teens and I pretty well was dutiful about responding to her "maladies" but not moved by the histrionics.

So that when we found out that she had cancer, I didn't feel much at all. We found out in December and by mid January she was gone. Because I was the one always taking care of things and people and the logistics of the crisis's, I never even said good bye to my Mother. And after her death I kept on the same dance with the funeral, the household, the cleaning out of things, the details of my Father's care, the estate sale and on and on and I never cried or sorrowed or gave myself a chance to grieve. I just kept doing what had always been expected of me.

So this last week when Suzanne of Chickens in the Road shared that her Mother had unexpectedly passed away, I lost it. http://chickensintheroad.com/living/ I felt such intense pain and hurt and loneliness. I was so taken aback by my reaction. At first I honestly thought I was losing my grip on reality. But as I cried and my thoughts became clearer, I realized that I had postponed my grief, had put it aside, had ignored another elephant in the middle of my life, had never faced the loss of my Mother.

Wow, talk about slow on the uptake.

So better late than never......Goodbye Mom, I am so sorry our connection in this life wasn't the best, but I did love you and I do miss you. Rest in Peace.

She's back.................here's Oma

This has quite possibly been the hardest week of my life. Now there's a statement. And for some of you, you're wondering why I compartmentalize my rantings to three blogs. Well on OBnSS, I am me but cleaned up for the most part. On PM, it is my selling related blog and on this one.......let er rip.

I started this blog with the hope I could vent and record my progress with my living situation, my relationship with my daughter and her children, my medical limitations and my angry little girls heart from my past lifetime abuses. Looking back I should have gone to another provider for this because it has become impossible to be truly real on this blog because of my daughter's life overlapping my own space. It isn't her fault and she is not the one who has made it uncomfortable. And most of you know the spoiler is. So I have decided after yesterdays adventures (you can read about that on OBnSS (look on the bottom of this blog for the address) I will no longer be silent on that subject.

Getting ready for this garage sale, selling things I did not have room for, selling over bought because I could not find things in this cramped environment, giving up items that if I had room I would have kept was stressful.

I realize it sounds petty but SM and I worked hard for the things we have and having to sell them, or give them away to make room is the right thing to do but is not easy....Oh some of it was crap and should have been given away years ago, I get that. Some of it was overage as I stated. But there is a kernel of resentment along with the knowledge of doing what was necessary.

I am stating it so that I can get it out and get over it. As Shelley says, it is what it is. But I am still of the thought that there is value in memory. There is value in tradition and holding it to be dear, sacred even. I know I could live without any of these "things" that surround me but they still hold the essence of SM's and my life together. They hold no value to anyone else and never will, I get that. I have a harder time detatching myself from my life than some folks. I have passions that others don't get.

SM does. He sat there by my side at the yard sale and we talked about when and where we purchased things, the memories we shared and cherished and that was excellent. But for the people around us it is just junk, things that have been around forever and hold nothing but space. In some ways, it makes me sad. And today, I can't help that thought.

I've missed my "brain cleaning" time with all of you. My friendships of the heart. My experiences in caring for and with all of you. I'm glad this hurtful bump in the road is behind me.....for now.....there will be more, I'm a realist, I know this to be true. And all will be well soonest.

I shan't be but a week..................

Hey my darling lovelies......it's garage sale time. So instead of looking at all your recipes, entering your giveaways, crying, laughing and sharing the blogosphere with you....I'm gonna be putting my head down and concentrate on only the sorting of junque.
I'll be back with tales of the doings and pictures of my mountainous piles of crapee that I have sold or given away. Wish me luck, I'm going in for the kill sale.
See ya the week of the 18th....oh gawd......it'll be mid July then, says The Olde Bagg

These are the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer.....

and if you remember that song then I'm not telling how "young" you really are. tee hee

The new puppy, the halfway mark of summer vacation, the pumpkins setting blossoms, the hummingbirds drinking more sugar water faster than I clean the feeders and refill.....yep it's July here in 'Burque. I love mid summer, the way it feels, tastes, smells, sounds.............but...does it always have to go by so quickly? The grands and I still have so many adventures to take, so many craft projects to do and so much piddle and poo to clean. Our Ms. Ellle is such a giver. Nothing like the Saint Bernard gifts but a giver none the less.

I must say that my favorite season (Indian Summer) is about 12 weeks from now but this time of year comes in a close second.

It is such a soft and gentle time....too hot to stay out and play all afternoon...naps under a fan....fresh lemonade on the porch...cold food dinners....sticky fingers from popsicles...rolling in the grass to get wet with dew....up early to get chores done and a big breakfast cuz we won't eat until supper...kids, cards and laughter....wet footprints on the cool tile floor play area.....slow down of time...and then reality sets in and all too soon we're off to school, lessons, the world.

Please summer stay slow for just a little while longer....please. This ole broad needs to savor these moments.

We have a new puppy...........

I posted about the pup on my other blog OBnSS. Needless to say, I did not plan to add a dog into the house again anytime soon. But life is not always planned, yes?

I have to say that the last thing on my mind, if I were to have been contemplating a dog, would be an "almost dog". The size difference between a St. Bernard puppy and this little bit of dog that is now terrorizing our hearts is huge-anormous.

It was a very quick, kinda thing. A friend came home from liquidating her Father's estate in New York and found this less than 2 pound, 3 1/2 month old pup wandering around her Diesel (these are big trucks, people) repair business garage. She had no idea how long the puppy had been there and at first didn't know who had brought her. Turns out it was one of her mechanics who lives on the Navajo reservation just west of ABQ.

My friend is a wonderfully kind, animal person, who like us loves St. Bernards. Her two saints are just wonderful beasties, like mine were and Bogart and Penelope were my beasties BDF's( Best Dog Friends). She is constantly getting strays brought to her and most times she is able to place them with good people and good homes.

My friend helped me grieve the loss of my giant fur babies and hasn't ask me to adopt because she knew I was still raw...however...something about this little, tiny Shih Tzu/Yorkie fur baby told her to call. This puppy, or should I introduce you to Ms. Ellie Mae Scootles of the Cibola County Scootles, fresh off the rez, just captured me with one look. Button nose, buggie eyes, wild terrier hair and those ears, oh my stars, she speaks to my soul. She was born on the day my sweet Willow departed this reality. Could it be she came back to rescue me and love me again? I truly think so. Even if I am romanticizing the whole song and dance, she is needless to say, a keeper. I am as they say, over the moon.

The kids love her, she almost beats herself to death with her tail when they come into view. The other dog loves her and is showing a great deal of restraint in the amount of force when he plays with her (which was within moments, he missed the big W too). The cat hates her and that's as I suspected, cuz the cat if he had a tail would be a ringed tailed tooter. The Sweet Man as I suspected couldn't say no to her either, and he and Ry named her Ellie for the lady in Up because that Ellie Fredrickson was a gritty, cute, funny, adventurer, with a very sweet nature....yep so far that's our Ellie too.

Now could someone explain to Shel and GK that adventurer's are not divas and don't need pink dresses and carrying cases....no?, me either.

I am confused....and this is new how Linda?

When I was younger, a long time ago my dears, I was told on more than one occasion that I was over sensitive. And as a kid, I did cry at the slightest provocation. Not in public mine you, but I would go to my room for a case of the boohoos. My Mother didn't like public displays of emotion. Like all the way up to pinching the back of my arm and threatening me with a willow switch if I caved in public. I guess I don't blame her for her upbringing. She was who she was and that's the name of that tune. She was from the stiff upper lip school of social behavior.

And goodness knows I had more than my share of the phrase, "don't be ugly". That's southern speak for "oh no you di ent". I never even uttered a curse word until I was 15 and then that cost me the left side of my face, which migrated to the right side of my head, in one felled swoop. I knew better than to "be ugly" and how to keep my comments, hands and opinions to myself. Even a stand in word or phrase cost me dearly, like sugar, or spit, dang, or dadgum it. Nope, She (who was named Mother and you might get away with Mom on occasion) cut me no special deals when it came to being the youngest of three. As a matter of fact, I think she increased the pressure cuz the other two belly achers were older by a decade plus tax and had influence over my raising.

So if I tell you that GK, who is also a Taurus like my Mom, and the person most likely to succeed in making me feel badly about myself because she means the world to me, tells me I have a potty mouth and makes me cry in front of her. Well you've gotta know I am LMAO. The tears were of laughter. I feel like maybe I have arrived and I am confused by my late arrival. Shouldn't I feel bad? Shouldn't I be embarrassed? As my favorite comedian, Gabriell Iglesias, alias Fluffy says, "Oh Hell no".

You see, I am comfortable with the nature of my relationship with reality. I am real, authentic, 100% Oma. This channel is tuned to all Linda, all the time. I held myself away from real for too many years, first by being who I was not, then by being who I thought my family and friends needed me to be, then by taking anti depressants to help me feel nothing so I could behave appropriatley for others, and now I am just old, "ugly" and weird.

I must say too bad so sad but this right here is an original work of art....me. As I was telling a friend today I am who I am supposed to be. The person you call when you have a heart ache. Because I will make you laugh, cry with you and tell you that you are cherished because, I know how I have allowed myself to feel and I won't allow others to hurt like that ........especially alone.

Old potty mouth signing off. ;-)

A sweet giveaway........don't miss out

My insane and loveable bloggie pal Georgina of La Llorna Arts http://lloronaarts.blogspot.com/ is having a super duper giveaway and will draw the winners name on July the 10th. You still have time to go and read her blog, comment and get your name in for the drawing on these adorable skellies........DOTD (Day of the Dead, Lost Muertos) funnies. And besides the giveaway for those who have never experienced the every crazy and wonderful Big G, this will give you that excuse.

Enjoy, comment, enter.......have fun and as Big G says, Blessings and Goats....nevermind, it's a long story.