a question and answer forum.....for the time being. All things change and become something else if there is growth even Olde Baggs.

Monday, February 22, 2010

And the winner is......................

Thanks for all your wonderful positive energy and well wishes. We are, I hope, a little closer to closure for Ms. GK on her journey. The counselor will use the imformation she gleened and we will all hope for the best.

We are all on round 3 of this butt kicking crud that has infiltrated our ranks. GK and Shelley have it the worst but Sweet Man is pulling up on the outside lane with a wickedly horrible cough and sputtering. I AM SICK OF BEING SICK.

Today proved harder to get through than I had anticipated. My breathing capacity is still low, so it was a big workout for me. We took Ms. Willow, alias Fat Elvis to yet another vet to see if we could get more concrete answers. Nope. Just more medication for her ears. Hope this will get rid of the foul smell and the pain she is in. Fat Elvis has now gained 32 pounds since going on her phenobarbital. She isn't eating any more than she was before but is not "utilizing her food" as well. Yeah, that's my problem too. She sleeps most of the time. So no movement means no calorie burning. I get it.

I must say that I do like this vet. She was very kind, her staff was friendly and didn't act like I had brought a beast from the netherworld to shed on them. You can't believe how some folks react to a large huge dog. If she was a kick me dog, or I could carry her in a purse I'd have it made, but since she out weighs most of the vet techs they can be sorta weird around her. But these gals were all ooohing and ahhhing over her, took a picture, loved her slobbery old sweet face and she just ate it up. Willow was in doggy heaven. She loves to love people and did her best to leave a hair blessing for all. Yep, Fat Elvis had her day and basked in the limelight right up until the moment they wanted to swab her ear for a culture....then she was a whiney baby trying to climb in my lap. When we left the vet's office I looked like I had been mohaired.....sorta like wool felted. My poor doggy girl. I sure hope this medication works on the suspected infection. If not then it is probably a brain tumor. But that is a worry I can't face until I have to face it.

The best part of the vet visit was upon exiting the exam room there was a tall man with a Chihuahua in the waiting room and he said "oh my god, you have to be kidding". His dog on the other hand was saying....."bring it on". Sorry, Willow couldn't bring it if she really had too. She is a lover not a fighter but this little dog wasn't having any quitters go past him. Growl, lunge, snarl, snip. And Willow turned to discuss this with him and he peeeeeeeeed all over his owner. LMAO. In this case, big girl dogs rule and drool.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Asking for your energy and good thoughts again


Tomorrow, I will be going to GK's counseling session. I am meeting with the counselor to learn how we will give GK my information from her encounter with my Dad. Apparently, she thinks that this will help Ms.G move down the road and get on with getting better. While I have voiced my concern, I will do anything that I can to help GK.

I am asking you to give us your help by sending positive thoughts and energy to the four of us, Shelley, GK, me and the counselor.

Thanks for being there for me, I do so love you all.

I will be away from the computer for some time (I don't know how long) but know I am thinking of you.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Please slap me..........

I never expected this. Not in my wildest dreams. I have a wonderful friend, who if I mentioned her name would put a contract out on my life. Out of the goodness of her heart, has helped me to figure out a way to keep my Willow.

I didn't mention in my other post on Olde Baggs but alluded to the fact that we were strapped. Oh hell, we're just plain ass broke. The kids moving in has .....well  busted us at the seams. Willow's meds, all the test she needs and upkeep were going to be a problem, like we couldn't do it anymore. I asked my friend to help me find a place for my baby Saint in hopes that I could let her live out her life with someone else but at least get the kind of care she deserves. My friend is well connected in the animal rescue arena here in ABQ.

Well, we brainstormed and wrote down all the pros and cons of the situation. Listed possibilities and came up with a plan. Her husband has a huge collection of baseball cards, sports memorabilia that he has "said" he would sell for years now. Her father just passed away 2 weeks ago and she is to liquidate his estate. She has friends who have collectibles that they would like to sell but not in a garage sale venue. I don't have a vehicle to get to the garage sales and thrift stores to supply my Ebay store so.............an idea is now a plan. I couldn't think my way out of a paper bag for worrying over the money, the time, the dog, the house, the cooking and still have time to do my creating and take care of the kids.

My friend who is a very successful business woman has taken my brain and wrung it out to dry and provided me with the encouragement, support and courage to make my life better and help others sell what they have and in turn make them money as well.

I felt so good today that I worked on 6 more Merlady creations and didn't even stop to get dressed. Oops. Sweet Man came home and was so pleased that I had done something I wanted to do, that the dog has been spell free today, and that I have a smile on my face. Who woulda thunked it.

I owe my friend so much love and respect for seeing me drowning and not being afraid to slap me around enough to see the light of day. How I ever thought I could go a day without the drooly love of my girl is beyond my thought processes now.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Old broad, new trick

When I was involved in the church as lay person and then as a professional, I heard people complain about their lives in one way or another and heard the platitudes that were given out like wafers at communion. "God never gives you more than you can handle", "God helps those who helps themselves", "you need to walk a mile in his shoes to understand". All true Benjamin Franklin fodder. Like "never look a gift horse in the mouth"......ya get it.

And sometimes when I am faced with a situation where I need to find comforting words for someone else who is going through some hellacious something, I have paused and pondered for fear that I am not just giving lip service to a real hurt in someone else's life or not playing uh huh me too.

But I now see that my judgement was wrong. Even if I found the words to be hollow at the time......I still remember them. Who am I to judge how someone else is comforted or comforting? At least they are trying. This is like one of those could have had a V-8 moments. Whatever transpires between the comforter and the comfortee is between them. Intentions are what they are. Now the reason for this whirling dervish thought process is because I have been comforted as of late. And never once did I question the intentionality behind any kind or consoling remark. That may sound like, "okay and your point is what Linda"?

If I have learned and experienced comforting, can forgiveness be far behind? I would never have accepted comfort without looking into the why until there was you...... And now, I have a sense that I can look on the other side of people and situations in my life and well.....try on some forgiveness and see if it fits. 

In other words, pull up my big girl panties and move on.

Once again thanks lovelies.....ya did it ......who says and old broad can't learn a new trick or three.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Another tick

As I stated on Olde Baggs, Ry has been ill with a double ear infection and the creeping crud for over a week now. Our time together has been a blessings on many more levels than I have energy in my fingers or you have time to read, and I am thankful for each positive encounter and also aware of the negatives.

I am not trying to be a downer, but most of the negatives are rooted either in his autism or his encounters with abuse. It is very hard to separate the two. His ticks which are part of the physical side of his disorder are not so subtle most of the time. Wagging his head, making his eyes cross, bobbing his head and shoulders, constantly repeating everything he hears (like Rainman) and I'm not sure that the noises made for his playing isn't split between being a boy or the Asperger's. But I sure know it all is very disconcerting to say the least. Add in a barking cough and aggitation from the cough syrup and I have had one hell of a ride this week. And of course now have the crud, oh well, this too will pass.

But this week has also afforded me the opportunity to see the tell tale signs of his abuse. Not a happy thing unless I look at it like an insight into his story. He, when told to do something like get back in bed so you can rest and other direct orders, holds his left arm up, like someone is dragging him. Also when I attempted to take his temperature on his forehead, he threw up his arms to protect his head and face. The last is the worst. He will sit in his room, playing in bed and unless I go and tell him, he will not go to the bathroom to relieve himself. Just suffers. Poor little critter. But I won't let it make me feel sorry for him because he has communicated with me, whether intentional on his part or not and that is huge. He is getting to the root of the abuse, even if he can't verbalize it's origins.

The counselor will be pleased to hear the progress he is making.....as soon as we are well enough to tell her. Cough, cough, sneeze, blow....that's the recipe for this one. As well as a gallon of hand sanitizer, chicken soup and hot water, hot ginger tea and love. Huh.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Guilt, the old frontier

First, let me take time to thank each of you for setting me straight. I post here to have that happen. If I didn't want some input on my insanity, I would just simply write it in my journal and call it good.

Yes, I will in fact be going with GereaKaye to her counselor and "we" will face the truth that I have stored in my memory of her abuse at the hands of my father. I will be who I have to and need to be so that she can be all she can be. Wow, that sounded like a commercial for the Army.

Today's guilt.

Maybe I use the word guilt in the wrong way on occasion. I only know that if you put me in a room with say...oh 20 other people and something was to go wrong.....I would be one of the one's who had a twinge of "maybe it is my fault" going on. And probably the only one who would claim responsibility for the wrong. Not asking for a psychological assessment here just telling how I am.

On my other blog I talked about my guilt necklace. I had a counselor one time who wanted me to visualize my "wrongs" and put them on a necklace and then throw the thing away. Okay.....but somehow in my warpness of spirit, I keep finding the damn thing at the thrift store and bringing it home again. Each bead is some stupid, ugly thing that, yes, I should throw away. My husband tells me that I am so creative that I make the beads in the shape of a boomerang and that's why they come back to me. Nah....there are even more sinister reasons...... and I found out why today.

I was reading along this morning in blogotropolis and came across a profound posting on positive and negative posts. The gist, as I got it, was that folks who post about the "bad" stuff want to call attention to themselves and wallow in the negative. Maybe, but the "good" folks who are above posting about said negatives just wanna have fun. No that really isn't fair, it said that we should all try to be positive....DUH, ya think. Let's work it out people. 

I bought it. I started feeling guilty about dumping my stuff on all of you. Rethinking how I should have kept the "crap ugly" to myself. How this post was directed at me and others like me who belly ache about shit. Sharing my feelings with SM, he started to impart wisdom to me when he was interrupted by the 9 year old dali lama of Chama who said, "Oh Oma, you're a nice person, don't take it personal, people are always trying to act like they are better than other people. It happens all the time at my school."

Oh hell no, common sense has arrived at my house and it dwells in GK.

Nevermind.